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Super July 2024

Am i the only one this is happening to???

Fwbride, on May 18, 2019 at 5:27 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 26

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Soo I am in absolute shock how these RSVPs are coming back to me.... I’ve had people switch out guests who are invited with guests who aren’t invited instead of just declining. I had someone do thee above and leave a note that they would also be attending the rehearsal dinner they aren’t invited to. I got one yesterday that someone didn’t state whether they were coming or not, just put their names. Then I received one just now where they added two extra people who were definitely not invited.... like what is happening? I’m so over this whole wedding planning. People are just unbelievable. Now, I don’t know how to contact the guest who added extras, because they are on my fiancé’s side, and I would feel super uncomfortable calling them and being like “hey, you can’t just bring who you want”.

Please, tell me I’m not the only one dealing with this crap.

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26 Comments

Latest activity by Madison, on May 20, 2019 at 12:45 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on May 18, 2019 at 5:32 PM
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This is all pretty common except RSVPing to the rehearsal dinner. That's a new one. Some people aren't familiar with wedding etiquette and others are simply rude. Your FH should be handling issues with guests on his side. "I apologize, we cannot accommodate any extra guests," should be sufficient.
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Expert June 2019
Tara · on May 18, 2019 at 6:07 PM
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I agree with Caytlyn. I have never seen someone invite themselves to the rehearsal dinner. However, I am nervous about ours and friends talking to each other and the others thinking they are invited when some are only invited due to being in the wedding party.

For the extra guests, you should have your fiancé deal with it. However, I would make sure he actually does since a lot of guys end up waiting until the last minute.
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Super July 2019
Justine · on May 18, 2019 at 6:13 PM
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That is crazy!! I'm sorry your guests are doing that. The only thing that's shocked us about our RSVPs is that people we were fairly sure were coming have declined!
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Devoted August 2019
Ali · on May 18, 2019 at 6:15 PM
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This is happening to us too and I'm just being extremely blunt with them
"We already have a average head count and cant have extras"
If they weren't invited by us we dont have a place for them
Any on my fiancee's side I'm making my mother in law handle and I told her no wiggle room it is what it is.
I feel what they are doing is rude so I'm making my responses extremely direct since the invitation wasnt direct enough I guess lol
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Super August 2021
Wendy · on May 18, 2019 at 6:30 PM
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And this is why I’m doing my online... they won’t be able to add anybody, just look for their names and plus ones and confirm or deny...
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Super July 2024
Fwbride · on May 18, 2019 at 6:32 PM
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See I would have gone that route, but we are having a pretty formal event and online RSVPs just weren’t fitting that theme. We also have a good amount of older people who just wouldn’t have been able to figure it out.
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Dedicated October 2020
Kerra · on May 18, 2019 at 6:33 PM
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I’m completely in shock by the whole thing . I would never assume I was invited to a wedding , unless I got a invite . Switch out guests ?? These are not concert tickets!! How does your FH feel about all this ?
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Super July 2024
Fwbride · on May 18, 2019 at 6:34 PM
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He’s just like “eh, we’ll squeeze them in.”

Me: Haha no we won’t!
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Savvy July 2019
Keri · on May 18, 2019 at 6:41 PM
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This is my nightmare! I just finished getting all of my invites ready to send out and I’m terrified because I don’t think my FH’s side has any understanding of wedding etiquette and I can see this happening. I’m also afraid that they’ll just bring whoever to the wedding RSVP’ed or not.
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Devoted September 2020
Katie · on May 18, 2019 at 6:46 PM
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Lol I think they need a dose of "hey you can't just bring whoever you want."
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on May 18, 2019 at 7:00 PM
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I'm sorry, when I got to the part about the rehearsal dinner I just started laughing. What the hell is wrong with people?! And I'm you, I absolutely would not "squeeze them in." It's easy enough to say no room for extra guests. I have no idea what I'd say to the rehearsal dinner... it's a private dinner for the bridal party? You'd think people would know that.
Good luck to you sorting everything out!
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on May 18, 2019 at 7:00 PM
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Super uncomfortable calling? Why? Sounds like that’s exactly what you have to do. I think there’s a different statement that you could use other than “hey, you can’t just bring who you want”. But yes they should definitely be informed.
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Master December 2020
Amanda · on May 18, 2019 at 7:04 PM
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I wouldn't allow it but I also don't care to put people in their place. I had a co-worker invite someone that used her plus one and then tried to add another plus one making it awkward on my coworker having to tell that 3rd add on they can't go. Mind you we ALL work together and the 3rd invited was a boss DX
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Super July 2024
Fwbride · on May 18, 2019 at 7:04 PM
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It’s uncomfortable because I’ve never met these people before and I’m already not the greatest at talking to people let alone strangers. On top of that I have to tell them no to coming to an event. Also the one who invited herself and her daughter to the rehearsal dinner, her daughter is mentally handicapped so I’d feel even worse saying “sorry, ya can’t come”.... literally makes me anxious thinking about it.
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on May 18, 2019 at 7:12 PM
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You've never met them before? Are they FH's guests? If so, he should be the one calling them, no you. No "we'll squeeze them in." Make him understand that the guest list is set, that it's YOUR guest list (yours and his), and the guests can't just alter it as they please.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on May 18, 2019 at 7:16 PM
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That’s unfortunate. I can’t hold my tongue about stuff like that Lol!! However, I have uncomfortable conversations on a regular basis for work, so mentioning something about an invitation is easy. But it sounds like it’s more stressful for you to make the calls than it is for you to make additional space for uninvited guests. Good luck in your decision!
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on May 18, 2019 at 7:17 PM
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That’s unfortunate. I can’t hold my tongue about stuff like that Lol!! However, I have uncomfortable conversations on a regular basis for work, so mentioning something about an invitation is easy. But it sounds like it’s more stressful for you to make the calls than it is for you to make additional space for uninvited guests. Good luck in your decision!
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Super July 2024
Fwbride · on May 18, 2019 at 7:19 PM
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I’ll found a way! Probably will have to bribe the future husband to just stop being so easy going and tell them no lol
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Expert November 2020
Cheryl · on May 18, 2019 at 7:48 PM
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I think she's uncomfortable because they are her FH's guests and the relationship may not be that deep. I dont think she's saying it wont be handled. FH or FMIL should handle it. It may even be seen as rude if she doesn't know this Guest well. If it was my FH's uncle and aunt who live in Louisiana, I certainly wouldnt be calling them because I've never met them before.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on May 18, 2019 at 10:08 PM
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Ok..... 👍🏽
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