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Beginner March 2021

Am i in the wrong?

Rita, on March 3, 2020 at 2:50 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 1 27

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Getting married next year and my parents want to throw us an engagement party. So with all the scheduling conflicts from both our families we chose June 13th. My best friend from out of states 30th bday is that Friday the 12th. When I told him the date and that I would understand if he couldn’t make it he flipped out and said I was selfish for choosing his bday weekend and wants me to change it. I said I couldn’t because my parents are nicely paying for it and my dad is overseas all of July. If it helps only me and my one bridesmaid are two best friends out of many that he has who would have (MAYBE) gone to his bday? I have apologized so many times but don’t know what to do from here. Thanks for your input.

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27 Comments

Latest activity by Kari, on March 8, 2020 at 11:09 AM

Champion October 2018
Kelly · on March 3, 2020 at 2:59 PM
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Nope you’re not in the wrong! With wedding events you will never be able to find a date that works for 100% of people. Pick a date that works best for your schedule and if people can’t attend they can decline.
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Legend July 2019
MrsD · on March 3, 2020 at 2:59 PM
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He is a grown up throwing a tantrum about his "birthday weekend". That's insane. Don't change the date, he will get over it. I couldn't care less if someone planned their engagement party/bach/bridal shower/wedding on my actual birthday so claiming a "birthday weekend" seems super childish.
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Expert October 2021
Lisa · on March 3, 2020 at 3:11 PM
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I agree with this 100%!
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on March 3, 2020 at 3:22 PM
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You’re not wrong. My wedding was literally on my best friend (who was my moh) bday ! And she was like yea I don’t care I mean that’s the date that worked for you best. I used that as a time to get her a present and have everyone sing happy birthday and I wrote in the menus that it was her birthday as well
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on March 3, 2020 at 3:38 PM
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He gets a birthday every year, you get one engagement party. It's not like it's on his actual birthday.
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Devoted October 2020
Katelyn · on March 3, 2020 at 3:56 PM
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I agree with everyone else! You are not in the wrong - I have had to attend events that aren't even wedding related on my actual birthday and I don't throw a fit. You only get married once, and schedules are very hard to coordinate. No reason to feel bad!
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Super November 2021
Alejandra · on March 3, 2020 at 4:35 PM
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Wow, that’s crazy. No you are absolutely not wrong. He can spend his birthday how he wants to, but your engagement party only comes once a lifetime.
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Savvy March 2021
Kaylex · on March 3, 2020 at 5:29 PM
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This is a celebration that only happens once for you! If he’s so upset and you want to appease him (even though you’re NOT wrong), maybe he can come into town, you guys go out Friday for his bday and he enjoys your engagement party with you Saturday. I went to a wedding a few years back the day before my bday and I got to be a part of someone’s beautiful day and have fun at the same time! Win-win in my opinion. If he doesn’t come that’s too bad for him. Has he really planned his bday this far in advance?
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Dedicated October 2021
Mary · on March 3, 2020 at 6:26 PM
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I have learned one thing when it came to wedding planning. That this is my wedding, and what we all do is try our best to make everyone happy but in the end we have to do what works best for us. I know it's hard not to feel guilty, he will have another birthday but you wont get another wedding to your fiance. He will eventually get over it - so don't put too much stress on yourself!
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Savvy June 2021
Sydney · on March 3, 2020 at 6:35 PM
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Sounds like he is being selfish. Really a birthday party? You are a grown person. A person only gets married once (ideally). You have a birthday every year. He could come if he wanted and you could even give him a special shout-out at the party too. You chose the date that works best for the most people. If it conflicts with his birthday it's not your fault.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 3, 2020 at 7:00 PM
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He is being a baby. It's mine, all mine, I want it all, I don't want to share . It is a birthday. He is adult in years if not behavior. Ignore him. Laugh as you walk away if he brings it up again. How ridiculous, at his age. When juggling a lot of schedules, you considered participants. Not other people's events with little overlap. You did the exact right thing. Too bad you cannot buy a box of maturity , and giftwrap it .
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Expert May 2010
Theresa · on March 3, 2020 at 8:53 PM
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This. I hope he's turning 5 years old to somewhat excuse this monumental overreaction. No, you're not wrong. We can't all have everyone in our lives make our every birthday the center of their universe.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on March 3, 2020 at 9:11 PM
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I’d be willing to bet he also expects everyone to celebrate his “birthday month” too. He is being a child, don’t respond to his childish behavior.
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January 2014
Pam · on March 3, 2020 at 10:43 PM
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I used to work with a kid who loudly proclaimed November her birthday month every year. People were expected to bring her bags of candy throughout the month, and it's amazing how many did. Oh, this kid was an allegedly grown 50 something woman.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on March 3, 2020 at 11:03 PM
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Yes, I’ve worked with a few like that too.
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Super October 2020
Leslie · on March 4, 2020 at 12:24 AM
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I’m going to disagree that it’s only a birthday for him. That is also selfish. An engagement party is not any more important than a 30th birthday. Yes he’s wrong for asking you to change but you didn’t take into consideration his special birthday. I don’t think either of you were right. Neither of you will attend the others party.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on March 4, 2020 at 1:30 AM
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My FBIL & his wife got married on FSIL (his sister's birthday).

I'm getting married on my cousin's birthday.
She's not coming. But her mom, stepdad, dad, and stepmom are.
If she's mad about it, she hasn't told us.
If your name is Jen, we will get married on your birthday. It's a tradition now.
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Devoted August 2020
Kendra · on March 4, 2020 at 12:41 PM
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I'm not sure why she needs to plan around his 30th birthday... I get that it's her best friend, but if that's when they can have the party, then that's the end of the discussion.
OP: No, you're not in the wrong. His response seems immature and selfish.
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VIP October 2020
Samantha · on March 4, 2020 at 1:20 PM
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Adults should not have birthday weekends, he gets one day a year that’s about him and you get one wedding. If you’d done it out of spite I’d understand his hurt, but it just worked out the best for you. Don’t feel bad about it.
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Master October 2020
Margaret · on March 4, 2020 at 1:21 PM
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You are not in the wrong. When someone else is helping financially you want to somewhat do things towards their timeline and not everyone else.
I’m sorry your friend is making you feel bad. It’s 1 day, they can get over it
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