Am I being unreasonable? (VENT)

That they were planning a shorter engagement since they were doing a destination wedding but she has turned this into an emotional nightmare.

Immediately after her engagement she began sending me things that she wanted to use for her wedding (color, style, etc…) and I realized that a lot of this stuff looked familiar, it was stuff we had put together for MY wedding. I would not have cared so much if she hadn’t planned her wedding to be 3 months before mine with most of the same guests (family). I politely expressed my concerns to her and she became extremely defensive and told me that I didn’t “OWN” those ideas. Eventually we came to an agreement, but apparently she is still holding a grudge because my Mom and I got into an argument this weekend after she spoke to my sister about how I am apparently making our weddings into a competition. First of all if anyone is making this into a competition it’s her. I know for a fact that after I got engaged she began to pester her CONT

FH about getting engaged and left pictures of engagement rings all over their apartment as a hint. And anytime I send her something as an idea she has to top it and it’s getting very aggravating.

My sister’s FH is much older (15 year age difference) he is very well established and has had time to save and save and save. So when they got engaged he told her money was no object. I on the other hand needed a long engagement to save, and I needed the help that my parents offered (she turned it down because she didn’t want them having any say in her “dream wedding vision”). Her destination wedding has exploded from a small gathering of 25 to a whopping 95 guests (almost as many as I’m having at my wedding) they are renting a mansion in Costa Rica for the week but have never in person seen the venue and have an event planner coordinating everything there.

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Because of this she is missing out on a lot of the “fun stuff” like cake tasting, flowers, etc…So she has decided to hijack mine. As my MOH and my sister I invite her to everything, but each time she always makes it about HER and HER wedding. When I went wedding dress shopping for her I didn’t even look at stuff for myself, nor did I bring up my wedding at all. The only time it was brought up was by my Mom when she told the consultant both her daughters were getting married. But when she went with me for mine the whole day was again about her, and she turned up her nose at the places we went (David’s Bridal, House of Brides) the ones that were in my budget, because they weren’t as nice and fancy as the couture boutiques she went to. And she went on a tirade about how the dress I ended up falling in love with was so similar to hers and that I was copying her (when she knew that I had wanted a lace wedding dress from the get go and the only reason that she got her dress first CONT

Was because she “had to have” a couture dress that was going to take a lot longer to make).

So am I being unreasonable? My mom’s comments really hurt me, and it hurts me that my sister and MOH is going behind my back to my Mom and painting me to be the bad guy when I only ever said one thing to her (that I would prefer if she did not use purple for her BM dresses since that’s what I was doing). She also is attacking my other BM to my Mom. She said she felt like Kristin Wiig’s character in Bridesmaids, when I try to include her in everything. But now that she’s planning her own wedding she’s always too busy for things so I have been relying on my two other BM a lot more. This whole thing is just becoming so stressful and it makes me dread seeing her next week when I’m going to try on BM dresses for her wedding.

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This whole thing has taken all the fun out of planning a wedding…..and after hearing the things my sister has been telling my Mom (which were all not true and created in her mind but still hurtful) I sat down and cried. What should I do? If I confront her she’s just going to deny it and tell me I’m being paranoid which is only going to cause even more tension. But because she’s been whispering these horrible things in my Mom’s ear and my Mom is sick of her complaining she is thinking about not helping with my wedding anymore (we already have non-refundable deposits down with all our vendors). My Dad has told me not to worry about it and that they wouldn’t offer to help and back out and he reminded me that my sister has always been a drama queen who has to always be the center of attention and I love that he is trying to make me feel better, but it doesn’t fix the situation….Help?

First of all I'm sorry this is going on!!! It sounds like you are really happy for her and you only expected the same from her. You are not being out of line at all... From the sounds of it you may not be able to do much. Using the same colors I'd be furious seeing as the weddings are so close!! And it really wouldn't help to try to talk to her or your mom??

Sara.....I'm sorry that something so fun and happy got turned in to a competition

I can see how its very frustrating... Continue to plan for your wedding and focus on you and your FH ... I wish you the best of luck

There is no way to calm down a Bridezilla

I really sorry you are dealing with this. It it sucks that's it family doing this.

All I can say is stop including her so much. Plan your wedding, and leabe her out of it. She doesn't need to know all the details until the big day. It's hard cause she's ur sister, and MOH and logically the one to be with you during those important planning moments but if she's gonna be so selfish just do it yourself or with another friend. Try not to let it get to you so much. Good luck.

Your wedding is going to be beautiful!...Think of changing your colors, if there's time to do that, and not tell her the color.

there;s nothing wrong with being a budet bride. Don't let her "stuck up" ways to get to you. Sometimes Money get go to a person's head.

My Mom doesn't think it's a big deal, she thinks that the weddings are far enough apart and in such totally different settings that it shouldn't matter and that people won't remember.

And the last time I tried to talk to my sister about it she went into total Bridezilla mode and acted like I was trying to start World War III....it sucks.

Since our weddings are so close together and most of our family lives out of state my aunts suggested throwing us a joint bridal shower so they can cut down their travel time. I was totally fine with it but she threw a tantrum (she didn't want to share her spotlight and all the venues she suggested in downtown Chicago were out of their price range so she has to travel out to the suburbs- heaven forbid....and she doesn't think her city friends will want to travel to the burbs)

Thanks ladies :-)

Wow, that's a lot to take in and it sounds like your father is right that she is just being a drama queen and I think she was just jealous because you were getting married first and she is one of those people that is going to get married just to have a wedding. This isn't going to bode well for their future and I wonder how long the marriage will actually last. I would just try to look on the bright side that she is getting married before you are. See she is going to have to make final decisions for her flowers, favors, colors and all that stuff at least 2 to 3 months before her wedding and since that is still 3 months ahead of yours, it gives you a full 5-6 months to plan your wedding details in a way that wouldn't be "copying" hers (and by that I mean she wouldn't be able to say that you were copying hers.) Anyway, it is a bummer that your time of planning is being ruined by someone else, but sometimes in life you just have to decide what is really worth fighting over. CONT

Sara, I say you need to distance her from your planning. MOH or not, she needs to separate her wedding planning from yours. I would be quite irrate. Being that I have a twin sister, I know all there is to know about competition and this sounds like an intense battle instead of a happy time. Remember to do what's right for you, even if it means stepping back a bit when it comes to including her sooo much

Let her pick out her crap and try to not let her see exactly what you are picking out. Stop inviting her to your appointments and take your other BM out with you to look at things and bounce ideas off of. If she asks why she wasn;t invited somewhere, just say "I'm sorry I figured you would be busy with planning your wedding and wouldn't want to come." Atleast after she is married youi will (hopefilly) get some kind of peace and all the attention will be back on you, where it belongs. Good Luck!

Wow, that's a lot to take in and it sounds like your father is right that she is just being a drama queen and I think she was just jealous because you were getting married first and she is one of those people that is going to get married just to have a wedding. This isn't going to bode well for their future and I wonder how long the marriage will actually last. I would just try to look on the bright side that she is getting married before you are. See she is going to have to make final decisions for her flowers, favors, colors and all that stuff at least 2 to 3 months before her wedding and since that is still 3 months ahead of yours, it gives you a full 5-6 months to plan your wedding details in a way that wouldn't be "copying" hers (and by that I mean she wouldn't be able to say that you were copying hers.) Anyway, it is a bummer that your time of planning is being ruined by someone else, but sometimes in life you just have to decide what is really worth fighting over. CONT

Thanks :-)

I have stopped including her and it's still caused drama (like I said she compared herself to Kristin Wiig's character in Bridesmaids...apparently my other two BMs are Helen) I can't win lol....

I'm just not going to worry about it. She's on Pinterest so she can see my board there but she doesn't know about lover.ly (I just got my invite yay!) so maybe I'll start using that for wedding planning instead.

You could suggest that she give up her MOH duties since she's so busy planning her own wedding.