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Lauren
Savvy October 2019

Am i Being Too Harsh?

Lauren , on October 11, 2019 at 2:55 PM Posted in Planning 0 20
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This is something small that I’m kind of irritated about and I need to know if I’m being to harsh. Please bring me back to earth if I am!

i asked my brother right around the time FH and I got engaged if my niece would be a flower girl. He said yes. So, on multiple occasions, I sent my brother links to the dress the flower girls were wearing (I have 2) and he never responded. I then asked him to confirm with me whether his daughter was going to be a flower girl still and if he got the dress, and he replied “I’ll get back to you.” At that point, I decided that if he wanted to get back to me about it then he would.

About a month went by and FH and I booked rehearsal dinner and got our final head count in. It’s now a week before the wedding and my brother just messaged me telling me that he’s going to get my niece a different dress than the one I picked. Never confirmed whether or not she was still going to be in the wedding and I already got a head count in for rehearsal. I also found out that he and my niece wouldn’t be able to make it to rehearsal anyway. Am I being too harsh for saying it’s too late for my niece to be in the wedding?

20 Comments

Latest activity by Lauren , on October 14, 2019 at 3:29 PM
  • Destiny
    VIP May 2020
    Destiny ·
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    Ya kinda.. it will take 1 extra minute during the ceremony and its not like walking in a line down the aisle is that hard, i took it upon myself just deal with the dress for my flower girl since i was being picky
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I understand your frustration, but taking her out of the wedding is only punishing her, not anyone else. Your brother is still going to put her in the dress he got her whether she's the flower girl or not. Assuming she's a younger child, rehearsing or not rehearsing doesn't make a huge difference. It's your decision to make, but I wouldn't remove her.

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  • Future Mrs X
    Dedicated January 2021
    Future Mrs X ·
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    I think you're more upset at your brother for not getting back to you on time and then just assuming you knew she was still part of it. It's not your niece's fault and if you have two flower girls, then adding her shouldn't be an issue. Just let it be and relax.

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  • Lauren
    Savvy October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    To clarify, my wedding is in 7 days.
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  • Amber
    Master February 2020
    Amber ·
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    I completely agree with your frustration, but like PPs said I wouldn't take your niece out of the wedding just because of how her dad has been. She can't help it and she's probably looking forward to it.

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  • Lauren
    Savvy October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    Ugh, it won’t let me edit comments. My wedding is in 7 days and he just got back to me today.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    Yes, you mentioned in the original post that the wedding is a week away.

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  • Lauren
    Savvy October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    Well, sorry, I forgot I mentioned it 🙄
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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    Is it too late for you to buy the dress yourself? Maybe the one you picked was out of your brother's budget. If you care about your niece, I wouldn't penalize her for your brother's lack of communication. Plan on her being there and let her be a flower girl, no matter what dress she is wearing.

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  • LB
    Champion November 2016
    LB ·
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    Yes. She's a child. Don't punish her for her father's actions.

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  • V
    Rockstar July 2019
    Veronica ·
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    I understand your frustration. My mother-in-law insisted on making the flower girls for my husband's two nieces and they weren't done until 3 weeks before the wedding and when they tried them on they were way to big so the night before the wedding she altered them to make sure they sure properly fit. The night before the wedding was the soonest she could alter them because they live in NC and the wedding was in PA. My mom helped me pick up back up dresses in case we needed them, but I was still really upset about the dresses she made. I understand it is 7 days before the wedding, but that's better than the night before like with my wedding. Since they can't attend rehearsal can the little girl practice the morning of the wedding? I know for my rehearsal our flower girls' mother insisted they had petals to practice with because she wanted to make sure they knew how to throw them which I thought was ridiculous, but rather than argue with her I bought fake petals for like $5 for the girls to practice with.
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  • Mcskipper
    Rockstar July 2018
    Mcskipper ·
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    Yes, it is too harsh— she’s a child. It’s not her fault that her father is a bad communicator, so taking this away from her would be cruel. I can’t imagine looking my excited niece in the face and telling her “actually you can’t be in my wedding anymore”

    Flower girl is not a complicated role to fill. It’s also not a role that causes issue if it goes wrong. I’ve seen flower girls get scared and run backwards and never make it down the aisle at all and everything was still perfect. She can walk with the other one or just in front or just behind if you’re concerned with matching. No one will care what they’re wearing anyway, they’ll only think “aww cute kids” — it’s a role of no consequence. If she makes an appearance , she succeeds. There’s no reason at all to take her out, to do so will only hurt her and your wedding day won’t be any better
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  • L
    Lady ·
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    Don't punish your niece because your brother flaked. If they can't come to the rehearsal it's no big deal. Let her wear whatever. She'll walk down the aisle with the other flower girl and you'll take a couple pics - not a big deal if they're not in the same dress.

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  • A
    Super September 2019
    Anna ·
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    I know your wedding is only 7 days away (congratulations, by the way!!!)

    it’s definitely frustrating and I’m the type of person that needs to know things 1000 years ahead of time LOL. But... I think you should let her be in the wedding and ask to be sent a pic of the dress. Yes it’s annoying to make these changes but I think there could have been better communication on both sides and now it’s a point of moving forward and giving the girl a chance.
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  • Lauren
    Savvy October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    Thanks for the advice guys! I decided to throw the dress thing in the f it bucket. Either way it’s gonna be a great day and I wanted my niece to be part of it in the first place, so why change my mind?
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I bought the dress for our flower children (my husband's stepsister's daughter and son). I never thought to ask them to buy it. We had people change things pretty last minute, that's just how life and wedding planning is. I couldn't imagine telling someone their child could no longer be in the wedding. I'm assuming a kids meal basically costs nothing and a high chair won't impede too much?

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  • Lauren
    Savvy October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    I have never heard of the bride and groom purchasing the flower girl’s dress or any of the wedding party’s attire. I think it just depends on where you’re from. Here, it’s definitely the norm for the flower girl’s parents to purchase her attire. I think I was just freaking out and my first reaction, out of frustration with my brother, was to tell him it was too late for her to be a part of the ceremony. I never considered uninviting them, though, as we are close. I now realize I was being over dramatic and harsh. I guess that’s why I came here for help.
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I guess! I think all areas are different. I've been to weddings in CA, CO, NY, WY and TX and all the bride/groom's purchased the flower girl and ring bearer attire since they specified what they should wear. I think it's also a lot easier for stress on the bride & groom just to purchase the dress. I know it seems stressful, but I promise you won't notice the dress in the end and it won't seem like a big deal after the wedding!

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  • Lauren
    Savvy October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    I never intended to punish my niece. I thought I would be punishing him by telling him it’s too late, but I realized that was wrong of me. Thanks for bringing me back to earth ladies lol
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  • Lauren
    Savvy October 2019
    Lauren ·
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    Huh. I’m from the Midwest and it’s never been a thing that I know of. I even clarified with my mom whether I should purchase their attire or not as well as the parents of the flower girl, and they all said no. Different strokes for different folks, I suppose! I think I’m pretty much over this whole thing. I’ve been bridechilla this whole time, but I hit a breaking point over something stupid and petty. I’m glad I didn’t immediately act on emotion and tell my brother no before thinking it through.
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