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Jennifer
Dedicated October 2020

Am i being silly?

Jennifer , on July 4, 2020 at 8:13 AM Posted in Planning 1 28
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Usually the first thing people ask is how did he proposed! Well, technically he hasn't. We sat down and talked about marriage and decided we would get married and picked a date. The wedding is 10/10 and we just picked out and purchased a ring two months ago. It definitely feels real but I haven't wanted to wear a ring without the "ask". He's not super romantic and we are running out of time. He has said he wanted it to be a surprise but it's hard to do since I know about the ring. So do I just give up my dream of the romantic ask and wear the ring? Idk....this is both of our 2nd marriages and I just want it to be perfect as can be. The pandemic hasn't made things easy.

28 Comments

  • V
    Master July 2019
    Veronica Online ·
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    It sounds like you are already engaged if you are planning a wedding. There is technically no requirement for him to propose. While I definitely understand your disappointment, you should be happy you are marrying the man you love.
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  • Mrs. S
    Super November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I get it. I’d wait it out. He’s got to do it before 10/10 anyway right?
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  • Michelle
    Expert May 2021
    Michelle ·
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    Personally, I would just move on from it. This way you are not dwelling and getting disappointed that you didn’t get a “perfect proposal” it will make it that much more special too if aren’t expecting and waiting for it. Maybe he can actually surprise you! Are you close with a family member or friend that could maybe remind him how much you wanted that proposal? You will continue to be disappointed though if you expect it and don’t get it. Be hopeful, but don’t let it distract from the fact that you and your love are engaged 😊💕

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  • Emily
    Devoted September 2020
    Emily ·
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    Congrats! I actually love your straight forward and rational approach it seems like you all took 😂 I understand it's probably not the most romantic way, but it sounds like your partner and mine are similar pragmatists.
    Sounds like he already knows you want him to ask and he's "making it a surprise" - I'd just say if there's something specific you're looking for or a time frame to do it, maybe bring that up with him.
    I've had to adjust over the years to disentangle "romantic" from "surprise/ spontaneous". If I want a bathtub full of roses for Valentine's day (or whatever - that's not really my jam), if I told him that's what I'd want I would get it. But I don't get to be silent and just hope for it, that idea would never pop into his brain. So I've taken to outlining, and if I do want a "romantic surprise" I give the boundaries - I'm hoping you'll surprise me with a night out this Saturday that you come up with. Vs just like "surprise me."Hope some of that helps!
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  • Jennifer
    Dedicated October 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Thank you! 😀
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  • Jennifer
    Dedicated October 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Thanks it does help. My FH is completely like yours. If I ask I get it. He originally had a plan but couldn't get a reasonable flight. I was visiting family and he was going to get my sister to get me to the coffee shop where we met in person but sadly it's no longer there. I told him he shouldn't have told me because that would have been the most romantic thing he's done....
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  • Jennifer
    Super October 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Congrats! We are almost date twins. I am 10/3/2020. I understand where you are coming from. My FH is not the romantic type either. I know he loves me without a doubt in my mind. Last year, I had a minor surgery and we ran some errands after. While we were at Costco (our last stop of the few places we went,) he said "we can go to the store next." And I looked at him confused asking, "what store?" He said "the store you want to go to. The jewelery store." Him just bringing that up was such a surprise only because he had known for about 3 years that I would say yes to a proposal. We had been together for 5 1/2 years by the time this happened. I gave up on thinking about when he would propose after we traveled to Paris with no proposal happening lol. We had also gone many other amazing places with no proposal happening. Since we travel all the time, I used to imagine it happening on one of our trips.

    So he took me to the jeweler and I picked out my own engagement ring. My MOH gave him some crap (in a loving way) about not having actually proposed. Since I hadn't eaten much that day due to the surgery, I really wanted some McDonald's fries and chicken nuggets. He snuck a sharpie with him when he went there and wrote "marry me?" On top of the chicken nugget box and handed me the box on one knee when he got home.
    Was it the romantic proposal I had initially thought of when I knew he was the one a few years ago? Nope. But I am so happy to be marrying the love of my life that none of it matters. I'm proud of our little story even if it isn't grand compared to some others. I know 2 couples who got engaged while talking to each other about marriage on the couch and had no proposal beyond that. Someone else I know got engaged over a telephone conversation, hung up, and called his brother to announce that he thinks he got engaged lol. All 3 of those couples have been together between 5 and 30+ years.If a romantic proposal is something you feel that you need, I understand that! If so, it is something you should make sure he knows is important to you. Maybe he doesn't think it is something you are still needing/wanting since you are planning?
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  • Emily
    Devoted September 2020
    Emily ·
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    Awww that's very sweet and a great idea! A lot of people's stress tends to be uncertainty or a mismatch with expectations.
    So you can either adjust your expectations WAY down, so even if he proposed in the Wendy's parking lot you'd be like 😍, or reduce your uncertainty by talking with him on expectations/ the feeling you're hoping to have and that you're hoping it would be during the summer or something.
    Good luck!
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  • Nefetera
    Rockstar March 2015
    Nefetera ·
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    To me it sounds like he may feel like ypu both are engaged not knowing his supposed to ask bc technically you both planned it and spoken about it!!!....
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  • Hannah
    Rockstar July 2019
    Hannah ·
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    So my engagement was pretty similar to yours. We were discussing our futures and decided that we wanted to get married. We got a ring later and I just started wearing it. I love our story because it is ours. Marriage is a partnership, so I like to think that our engagement is an extension of that, as we decided to enter into this thing together.
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  • Kayse
    Devoted December 2020
    Kayse ·
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    My engagement was similar!! We just talked about it and decided to get married. He did get down on one knee and "ask," but without a ring. I didn't know he was going to get me a ring at all, but he can't keep a secret and told me he custom ordered one the day after he bought it, lol.

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  • Julie
    VIP February 2020
    Julie Online ·
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    I love this story
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  • Jennifer
    Super October 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Thank you 🙂❤
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  • Melle
    Rockstar June 2019
    Melle ·
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    To be honest I think that’s plenty romantic aha that you guys planned a life and future TOGETHER.


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  • Marisa
    VIP May 2021
    Marisa ·
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    IDK, we got engaged in much the same way. We were talking about it and made a decision to do it and start planning. When the ring came he got on one knee in our kitchen which was sweet and just so simple. There wasn’t nothing super romantic or planned about it. Honestly I was just happy that we started planning to get married and didn’t expect a ring or a “proposal.” I liked that it was something we mutually discussed and agreed upon, rather than a “popping of the question.” I say move on, be grateful and enjoy every moment of it that you can.

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  • Jennifer
    Dedicated October 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Beautiful, thank you so much! He asked me if I wanted to wear it out and about shopping today and I did. When I came home I told him I'm not giving it back! 😀
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  • Jennifer
    Dedicated October 2020
    Jennifer ·
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    Thanks Julie! 😀
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  • Laquita
    Devoted July 2021
    Laquita ·
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    We're similar, the day we got engaged is when we just joked about it & said "hey why not?" lol He told me the official proposal was going to be a surprise & that he had in fact bought me a ring literally days after we had that random marriage discussion. Sadly it hasn't gotten here yet due to Covid-19 delaying a bunch of stuff so he surprised me with a proposal with his mom's ring. He still plans on giving me another proposal with the ring he ordered, but I've told him I didn't want to know what it looked like until it was delivered.

    I say just wait it out a bit, maybe he has something planned for you soon Smiley smile

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  • Elmarose04
    Devoted July 2021
    Elmarose04 ·
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    Being both already married before I can see it might feel different for him. I can see this is something you really want and I know it is off the social norm (non traditional route) but an idea would be you proposing to him. sometimes we expect so much from our spouses because that is what we have been told to be expected and you never know it might be as beautiful and special for the both of youSmiley heart I say maybe give it another month and if he doesn't by august I wouldn't say cut your loses I'd say you propose to him and also enjoy your ring!! wear it if he doesn't by august because truly that is just so close to october. embrace it and that way you can propose to him if he doesn't. Also don't hold resentment if he doesn't we are all different and he probably just wants something different that he hasn't done in the past. The most important thing is that you are marrying your forever and he is marrying youSmiley cry

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  • V
    Dedicated October 2020
    VICTORIA ·
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    I understand wanting the perfect proposal, but sometimes that doesn't happen. I also went with FH to pick out my ring and went with him to pick it up- but he refused to propose until he was "ready", which took an entire year. FH proposed to me by making me chicken nuggets and french fries- and then putting the ring box on the place haha. It was very cute, but definitely on the "romantic proposal" I've dreamed of since I was a little girl. If you guys are already planning the wedding, and so close to it at that, I would just wear the ring.

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