So, my mom has been bugging me about a song to dance to with her at my wedding on top of the father/daughter dance.
Background: My parents divorced when I was two, and like most outcomes of divorce, I moved 200 miles away with my mom. However, my mom has chosen her drunken, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive boyfriends/husbands over me ever since, and one time she even dropped me off at my grandma's to go live with her boyfriend when I was 12. A year later she came back, then dropped me off at my aunt's to live while she went to live with a different boyfriend. I'm not trying to talk bad about my mom, but our relationship just isn't there like she thinks it is. She is what I would call a "Facebook Mom". I just don't feel that connection with her like most other daughters do with their moms. She doesn't know anything about me really, not even what my favorite food or color is.
My dad has been my number one support system. He has helped me with everything emotionally and talks to me every single day. He didn't know about her dropping me off at various relative's houses because I didn't want to leave my friends/ school around here. I finally told him about a year ago, and he was heartbroken and blamed himself. My mom never apologized for putting me through the damage that she did. However, she started wanting to all of a sudden get involved once she found out I was engaged. I get that I'm her only child (and daughter), and it's nice that she wants to be involved now, but it's hard. I can't explain how I'm feeling truly because it was just so hard to live through when I was younger. I know it's the past and that I am older now.
I'm all about forgiveness, really, but I just don't feel comfortable having a special dance with her on my wedding day. To me, it would be awkward. My FH and a lot of my family/friends know my mom and I's history. It would be weird all around to do the dance with this in mind as well. I don't know how to, or even if I should, tell her how I feel about it. Plus, that's an extra dance that I would have to make time for during the reception and I don't feel it's necessary. Maybe it would be different if we were actually close.
I was thinking maybe we could compromise, and in the middle of the night, have a random song to dance to for 30 seconds or something. I'm trying to be as respectful as possible, but that relationship she thinks is there just isn't. I think she just wants to do this so that others think we are close.
Should I let it go and do the dance? Is it actually my choice, or should I respect what she wants because she's my parent?
