Am i Being Selfish?

It is absolutely your choice! If I were you I would skip the dance with your mom. You don't seem excited about it, so there is no reason to force yourself to do it just to make her happy.

My mother is an awesome mom, I'm really lucky to have 3 great parents (father, stepfather, and mother). However, I'm STILL only doing a dance with my father. So you 100% should just dance with your father. It's your wedding!

Really tough situation.... I can kind of relate to the whole thing..just my Dad is now deceased 😔😔😔. I did get my dance though...and now I'm renewing my vows... I want to cut that whole part out because I don't want the awkward feeling. The daughter and father dance is tradition. Follow your heart.

It’s is definitely your choice. It sounds like she is the one being selfish here. You don’t owe her anything.

Def just do the dance with your dad. Don’t guilt yourself, you’re not in the wrong here. You were just a child, and it’s great that she wants to repair the relationship now, but that doesn’t mean you owe her anything.

It's definitely your choice. You don't have to do it especially if the relationship just isn't there. Sounds like she wants to put on a show for her family/friends. I understand the "Facebook Mom" term, making everything seem perfect online for others so no one suspects anything, sounds like thats what shes trying to do here as well.

Even if you don't want to do it for personal reasons, you could lie and tell her the DJ only allotted you one dance in the night as well as your FH one dance as to not interrupt the flow of the evening. You could also just tell her its only common for the father/daughter dance and you just don't want to add more to the itinerary of the night.

Good luck, OP.

Ugh. I'm sorry. Very sad.

To comment on this "Should I let it go and do the dance? Is it actually my choice, or should I respect what she wants because she's my parent?"

No. Don't let it go and just dance. It is your choice. And while, yes, she's your parent, you aren't beholden to doing everything she wants. I'm not sure how to say that nicely, and I'm sure people will disagree, but that's my personal opinion after having an emotionally abusive parent I've realized boundaries are required to keep yourself safe.

That said, tell your mom that you think you want to just do the traditional dance with your father, especially in the interest of time. But that of COURSE you two will dance together at the wedding and have your own special moments throughout the day (if you are... such a getting ready.. her entering during the ceremony etc etc). It's tough, but you need to do what is best for YOU and your FH. This isn't a show to make your mother feel better.

I would just do the dance with your father. Tell her the mother/daughter dance isnt really a thing. My mom is pretty terrible too. SHe only does things to show off and act like she was a good mom. My situation wasnt nearly as bad as yours, but i do sympathize with you.

No, but your mom is being selfish by trying to pressure you into this.

I’m sorry you’re in this position especially with the background you have with your mom. It’s so strange to me when parents want to insert themselves into their child’s wedding. Do what your heart and head are telling you to do. This day is about you and your FH and if your mom wanted to do something special for you she has had years to do it.

You are not being selfish in any way shape or form. Mother daughter dances aren't that common. Mostly only done when there is an absent father and mom played both roles. I agree with PP who made mention of her only wanting a show for the crowd. If you don't want to you don't have AND you shouldn't feel guilty over it. Just like she feels no guilt over the her horrible behavior towards you in life. It's your big day. Have your special dance with your Dad. It will be beautiful! Skip the awkward and sounds like forced dance with mom. It's your happy day the last thing you need is to have an uncomfortable moment right in the middle.

This is so your choice girl! My father passed away 5 months ago, so I won't get my father-daughter dance, but I still don't plan on dancing with my mom. 😬

It definitely sounds like you don't want to do the dance so I absolutely think you should NOT do it. Plus generally if someone dances with their Mother, it's because they were extraordinarily close, they don't have a father figure, etc. This doesn't apply to you. I'd just tell her that a mother/daughter dance isn't a thing and you're not comfortable doing it.

It is 100% your choice. I used to be a wedding photographer and I never shot a wedding where the bride had a special dance with her mom. I think it would be weird to slow dance with your mom regardless of relationship lol. She needs to drop this.

You are absolutely not being selfish. If I were in your shoes, I would have a hard time not saying something snarky like "There won't be any time for another special dance. Maybe we can do a mother daughter dance at YOUR next wedding?" But that's me. Stick to whatever your gut says. If you decide you want to do it, then dance with her. But don't let a neglectful, emotionally abusive mother dictate what you have to do on a day that's supposed to be about you and your spouse.

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It's funny you say that because a month after I got engaged, she sent a group text with me and my FH with a pic of her ring saying, "I said yes!" Meanwhile, she's only been dating this guy for like two months.

Please do not let your mom guilt you into this dance. This is YOUR day. She does not get to steal the spotlight if you don't want to give it to her. Sounds like she has done nothing to earn it anyway. Do not, for one second, feel bad about that decision.

Your mom sounds so much like my FHs ex, it's not even funny. Thank God we stepped in and got full custody of their daughter when she was 11. She is a great kid! Unfortunately, not everyone has a great relationship with their mother. Mine did not do outwardly horrible things to me, she just never really treated me all that great. Lots of manipulation. She never fails to get a jab in at me still. It's unfortunate, but it is just who she is as a person, so I have had to distance myself from her.

It’s definitely your choice. My mom and I Arby’s as close as she thinks either and when I was six she sent me to live with my grandparents, than again at 12. So I done talk to her about the wedding at all. If your not comfortable doing it then don’t. You do t owe her anything she wants to portray something special that’s not there and most people know it’s not so don’t play into it.

Hey Sara! This is such a tough situation and I'm so sorry you;re going through it. I'm sorry too for the history of your relationship with your mother and why you don't feel particularly close to her. I wish I could give you a huge hug!

I think you should move guilt aside and make the decision based on what would make you most comfortable. If you truly do not wish to share this moment with her, you don't need to because your wedding day is about YOU and your happiness, not showing your guests the relationship she wishes you had.

If you feel really inclined to compromise, you could do the kind of thing where you dance with her for 30 or so seconds of the song and then invite the other mothers and daughters to the dance floor so it't no longer just about the two of you.

Remember to keep your own best interests at heart here

I have the same situation with my Dad.. though my parents divorced last year. I think about it like this: I think I would really regret not having those photos with my dad, despite our distant relationship. I think it's totally up to you, don't feel pressured by wedding 'norms', it's your day!You could even have your DJ shorten the song so it's over with a little quicker.

But, will you want to look back on your wedding day in 30 years and have some nice pictures of you and your mom dancing?

It's your day, do what makes you happy! Also it's traditional to just have a father daughter dance so you could tell her you like the tradition of it if you want to spare her feelings.