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Beginner October 2020

Am i being petty?

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Stacy, on March 6, 2020 at 11:57 PM

i found a set of bridesmaid dresses that I absolutely love... but my maid of honor made it clear to me that she does not. this is the second time in several months of wedding planning that someone i trust has just completely shut me down when it comes to some aspect of my wedding that is important...

I found a set of bridesmaid dresses that I absolutely love... but my maid of honor made it clear to me that she does not. this is the second time in several months of wedding planning that someone i trust has just completely shut me down when it comes to some aspect of my wedding that is important to me. it makes me want to say forget about it. specifically she does not like the material of the dresses and thinks that it will be unflattering on “everyone, even if you’re a stick”. they come in several cuts, so i thought that would make it reasonable for everyone to choose something that fits her body type. am I being petty for wanting what i want? i feel like if the tables were turned, i would bite my tongue and wear whatever she asked me to. really feeling disheartened about this whole thing. when your own maid of honor doesn’t support you, where do you go from there?

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30 Comments

Master May 2020
Kari · on March 8, 2020 at 3:18 PM
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I'm not certain how a material can be unflattering, unless its burlap. And if a material was universally unflattering on every body type, it wouldn't be used to make clothes.
I dislike when brides pick one exact dress for all their maids to wear, because unless all of your maids are the same size, shape, and coloration, it's unlikely to be universally flattering for all of them. However, giving the girls options of different cuts/silhouettes/styles in the same color (assuming the color works for all the girls) or coordinated mismatched colors (I personally LOVE the mismatched bridesmaids trend) and fabric seems plenty considerate to me. I think your MOH is being rude here. Have you asked the other bridesmaids what they think?
You do want all of your bridesmaids to feel comfortable, but they don't need to love love love the dress you pick for them. IMO picking out bridesmaids dresses involves a little compromise on everyone's part. You may LOVE one dress but need to be flexible with the cut or color so that it works for your bridesmaids, and your maids may not love a dress but if they don't feel totally awkward/uncomfortable in it and it works in their budget it might be good enough. They don't get to rule the show - its your wedding after all.
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Master 0000
Judith · on March 8, 2020 at 3:32 PM
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If you have chosen dresses in their budget range, and are allowing a choice of style so there are no comfort or coverage issues, she can choose to buy it and stay in the bridal party, or decide no, and she is out. I would only make exceptions on material if it gave her a rash , or scratched her ( sharp edges sequins around snug at armholes sometime cut some underarms.)
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Dedicated March 2020
Alicia · on March 8, 2020 at 10:38 PM
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Its not their day it's yours, and if u love it she can get over it
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Devoted June 2021
Theadra · on March 8, 2020 at 10:55 PM
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You’re def not petty but what I considered is that I want all my BM to pick a dress that they’re comfortable with , body size. It’s your wedding at the end of the day but you’re telling them what you want to wear. I picked a couple of dresses that would suit body types. But you should def speak to you BM about her expressing her concerns in a respectful way
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Just Said Yes May 2021
Neka · on March 8, 2020 at 11:02 PM
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Anyone who loves and genuinely supports you should do just that. It expected for anyone in the wedding to be as supportive as possible. Protect your energy
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Just Said Yes June 2021
Erica · on March 8, 2020 at 11:41 PM
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No you’re not. It’s your day not there’s if they can’t respect that then they should come as a guess or not.
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VIP October 2021
Jennifer · on March 9, 2020 at 12:23 AM
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I would inform her that she only had to wear it for one day and a few hours, she can try it on and see.

Are they paying for their dress or are you? If you are than I am sorry to say you get ultimate veto power- especially since it’s- ohhhh yeah! YOUR WEDDING!
My former friend/MOH was removed from those titles due to her complaints at everything I wanted, her hatred of the dress colours- 4 of them!- and her demand that it be IVORY!!!!
Sorry, bridesmaid but the bride gets this one! ( and I hate to say it, but everyone is replaceable.)
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Beginner May 2021
Johana · on March 9, 2020 at 12:42 AM
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While it is your wedding, it is important that your bridal party also feels confident in what they wear.. maybe try exploring a different material? Doesn't hurt to explore your options.
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Beginner May 2020
Alythea · on March 9, 2020 at 12:51 AM
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It’s your day not hers why should you have to sacrifice on your wedding day that’s ridiculous maybe reevaluate the friendship 🤷🏾‍♀️.
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Savvy September 2021
Francesca · on March 9, 2020 at 12:54 PM
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You are not being petty, it is your day and you are 100% allowed to want what you want. If she truly feels that strongly about not wearing the dress then you can simply say no worries, Please feel free to wear what you like as a guest at the wedding especially if you have given her different options with the cuts.
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