Am i being a bridesmaid control freak?

She doesn’t sound very controlling for a bride at all. Remember that the point of being a bridesmaid is to be there for your friend— it’s her day and her pictures , so her stylistic decisions are what matter the most. It’s only a few requests and if it’s not your ideal style, it’s just a few hours of a day to deal with it. It was generous of her to shift gears on shoe decisions after considering your comfort. For your wedding, you get to make the decisions, for her wedding, the decisions should be hers.

View Quoted Comment Because somewhere along the line, things have taken a turn. Being a bridesmaid has always been an honor, and outside of a dress or a dress and hat, clothes for the ceremony, It jas never been about transforming the honored bridesmaid into the bride's vision, until people started looking to the rather selfish celebrity model on tv, and advertising that pushes this. A persons hair color, cut or style , makeup ( and whether they wear any, do it themselves, or HMU), whether or not they cover tattoos, facial hair, and nails ( polished or not) and personal jewelry, have ALWAYS been the choice of the bridesmaid, Provided they are appropriate formality, and would be considered appropriate with the dress in any other setting. (No orange shoes with black dress, but gold, silver, black or gray are fine, regardless of what the bride wants. Because the go with black dress.)
Think of it like graduation, where you put on a designated cap and gown, school chosen, and everything else is your choice. ... One of the things that bothers me a lot on WW is the number of women who have made a wedding into a theatrical production, and treat their closest friends like props, something that has always been considered the height of rudeness. Bridesmaids should not be coerced into being a model or actress unless you are paying them $300 an hour as employees. But weddings are a social function, a ceremonial one where the basic dress, suit or outfit, only for WP not family, is the B and G choice. And this, ae, come on, do it for your friend belongs on the scrap heap of etiquette along with doing unreasonable things for your boss or boyfriend, that have never been acceptable. This Bridesmaid is asking about being allowed to wear a small or delicate piece of her jewelry, not some statement 3 tier diamond necklace. It is appropriate to her dress, and she is not a prop. It has always been proper etiquette for her to be able to do so. And she should never have to explain any personal meaning about it, whether it is her wedding ring you want her to take off, or a necklace . ... Sometimes this oard is like a clique of girls at school all pronouncing someone must do the exact opposite of etiquette. Not much helpful guidance to people unfamiliar with weddings.
Mackenzie, you are not a photo prop, or paid model or a tress. You are an individual and as long as you wear the chosen robe, and are well groomed, you are fine in a fine small necklace you think goes with the dress.

Personal jewelry is not *part* of a bridesmaid. It's not a major change to your person (unlike weight loss, hair color, tattoos) - so it's not going to kill you to leave it off.

As for Judith's statement about being able to wear whatever you want at graduation as long as you wear the cap and gown - that isn't always the case either. My college roommate had to wear a white dress under her gown for high school. My brother (and the other males he graduated with from HS) were required to wear long pants (not shorts). You can wear shoes you don't like and not wear a necklace for a couple hours - she was generous enough to allow you to pick the dress you'll wear. Furthermore - you don't know that she hasn't picked jewelry for you all to wear.

I worked with a lady who required: a specific dress, specific shoes, specific jewelry, *pantyhose,* and a specific hairstyle. Her BMs sucked it up. You can too.

Find a cheap pair of brown sandals - they don't have to even be comfortable, just cheap, since you won't wear them again and leave your necklace at home.

I would just honor these minor asks from her. It sounds like she’s not being too bad and just has a certain look she’s going for. I think it’s nice she let you pick your own dress. Brown sandals and a plain neck are it very big asks at all and she will never be able to please everyone, what is important is that she feels like her bridal party is fun and supportive and excited for her big day.

I would say try to think of it as your wedding and if you asked your bridesmaids to wear a simple necklace and they said NO, how would you feel about that? Try to step into her shoes for a moment and imagine that if her vision is no necklace, then maybe that is just something you let go of and respect her wishes.

If you want to know controlling, I was a bridesmaid for a girl who told us all that we were forced to pay $100 bucks for hair and makeup so that she wouldn't "look at our faces and see something wrong with the makeup and have it ruin her entire day".

So I would say that the no necklace request might just be something to say, okay it's not my vision for what looks nice with this neckline but oh well.

I had my bridesmaids choose their dresses, and they were all the same color. Other than that - I might be in the minority here, but I really didn't care what they looked like either way. I had them decide what shoes they want to wear (they collectively decided on tan heels), and I let them wear what jewelry they wanted. One of my bridesmaids wore a watch, the others didn't. One of my bridesmaids sewed a "hook" on the side of her dress to put her mask there when she wasn't wearing it (she was more concerned over Covid than the others), and the others didn't. One of my bridesmaids got her hair done for the wedding ceremony, but then decided she didn't like it and then took her hair down for the reception (so her hair was not up and styled for the reception and those pics - it was just kinda down in a messy blob). I didn't even have them "check in" with me to show me what dresses they got. I literally did not care. But that's just me!

It seems like your bride is not that bad compared to some brides I've seen around on groups and forums, so I wouldn't call her controlling. I wouldn't call you controlling either. I would just let the necklace thing go. I'm glad that you're at least picking your own dress and have the choice between closed toe shoes or sandals. Good luck!

I’m not sure why it’s such a big deal to you to not wear the jewelry. I could understand if she’s asking you to change your hair color or wear something that is unflattering, but her requests are so minor it’s really not that big of a deal and yes I think you’re being difficult it’s her wedding

View Quoted Comment Thank you for being so polite and for your feedback🙂