Am i being a bridesmaid control freak?

Is this your first time being a bridesmaid? Because, respectfully, you are definitely the one in the wrong here.

She has let all of us bridesmaids choose are own dresses but they’re all the same color

This is standard practice for bridesmaid dresses. The fact that she let you choose a style is a plus, often brides will select a specific dress all must wear.

She was being very stubborn about shoes, she wanted us all in brown sandals

Generally I'm not a fan of picking shoes, but again, she is letting you choose your own, not a specific, expensive pair. You can come by a pair of cheap brown sandals anywhere...

Why is it so important to you that you HAVE to wear a necklace?

This is not your day, it is not about you, it is about your friend. There is one stubborn person here and it isn't the bride.

She has let all of us bridesmaids choose are own dresses but they’re all the same color.

I'm failing to see the problem with this. She was being very nice by letting you decide what style dress you were comfortable wearing. This is actually become pretty standard. I actually went against this and asked all of my girls to wear the same dress because I wanted one dress style.

She was being very stubborn about shoes, she wanted us all in brown sandals (she knows I am not comfortable in sandals) I talked her out of sandals and she agreed that they can be closed toed shoes or sandals.

Is there a reason she wanted all of you in the brown sandals? I do think she should've let you decide what style. She could've just said please wear brown shoes. That's what I did at least with my bridesmaids. I told them silver shoes just as long as they were comfortable and the right color I didn't care if they wore heels, sandals, flats, etc.

Now we’re talking about jewelry, she said she wants us to wear studs but no necklaces. I suggest a small necklace that I have it’s very simple and I’m wearing a spaghetti strap dress with the square neckline. All of the stuff I read say that the bridesmaids should be able to pick their own jewelry, I don’t understand why she won’t let me wear it?

I don't think it is unreasonable for her to ask you not to wear a necklace. I would let it go.

If anyone is being difficult/controlling, I think it is you. The way you are acting is like it's your wedding rather than hers. You can make decisions about what bridesmaids wear when you have your own wedding.

"Brown sandals" and a dress in a particular color is controlling in what way? She is not saying THESE brown sandals and THESE stud earrings.

I think most of the PPs have covered it, but:

It's standard practice for the bride to choose the color of the bridesmaids dresses. It's also very common for the bride to tell her girls what color and sometimes what general style of shoes to wear. I requested that my bridesmaids all wear dressy silver shoes of their choosing. Again, the jewelry request is pretty common too. I have been asked many times as a bridesmaid not to wear a necklace or hang down earrings. I would let all of this go and move on. It's part of being a bridesmaid.

The necklace is pretty, but honestly, it's not your wedding so it's not your choice. Some brides are more chill with their bridal party members than others, but what it comes down to is it's the brides decision. I would just be happy she let you choose your own dress!

She's your best friend. It's her wedding. Just go with what she wants. None of this stuff is worth going to the mat over, and if it is for you, maybe you should gracefully bow out. She's already allowed you to choose your own dress, and compromised on the shoes. A lot of brides, as I understand it, are a lot less accommodating.

I honestly don't see what she's doing wrong....? if that's the vision she wants for her wedding, then do it. i mean she's not even being unreasonable. it does sound like she has compromised on things that she shouldn't have had to already

i mean i can totally understand your view that what you are asking for is not a huge deal either but honestly you're kind of sounding more of a difficult person than she is.

"I'm trying not to be controlling"

But that's how it's sounding. This reads to me like you're a bit of a bridesmaidzilla (don't think that's a thing but, I'm going with it). It's great she was giving you the option of style for dresses but really you shouldn't have fought back with shoes. I was in a wedding and she wanted a type of converse. It didn't have to be the branded kind just the style. I don't wear that style of shoe but I found cheap ones at Walmart. Cheap brown sandals are so common. I understand not likely open-toed shoes but sometimes bridesmaid attire is uncomfortable. Change after the ceremony and pictures.

I would hate if one of my bridesmaids wore a necklace and the others didn't UNLESS everyone had different jewelry or the person was the MOH. It sounds to me that you want to be "special" and have a little spotlight on you because you'll stand out in pictures because you will be the only one with a necklace. Back down and let the bride have the look she wants. It is NOT your day, it is your "best friend's". It just sounds like she finally put her foot down and now you want to blame her for being "controlling".