Almost 100 people HAVEN'T RSVP'd!

You have to wait until the deadline passes. Then, you start calling people. It sucks, but almost all of us had to deal with it...

I always suggest blaming it on yourself... Say that in all the last minute chaos of wedding planning, you lost their RSVP card and just wanted to double check (or something stupid like that)...

Wait until the 16th (for the couple of days it takes for the mail to get to you. Then send the offending guests a nice email saying how sorry you are they can't be joining you; since they didn't rsvp, you're going to assume they DON'T EVEN HAVE THE OUNCE OF CLASS THAT IT TAKES TO SAY YES TO A GREAT PARTY.

ahem.....yeah...and don't blame anything on yourself; blame it on them. As you can see, I have no patience for this crap. You shouldn't have to call people to beg them for an answer; they should be thrilled to have an invite.

I feel your pain.. we invited 192 people for a destination wedding and the 40 guests who actually did confirm waited until the VERY LAST POSS DAY.. I know its easy to say but its best to just wait it out.

Its something everyone deals with but etiquette says that you call those that have not rsvp'd... I've never seen this actually done but that's what all the planners say.

I do like Celia's suggestion though... I HATE calling people.

Haha, I love Celia's response! I am nowhere near RSVPs etc yet... but I hope to take on a similar attitude.

I guess I'm just fed up with what seems to be guests becoming ruder and ruder....no matter what your budget is, you all try to create the best wedding possible. Almost all of you are so concerned with how to make the day meaningful, entertaining, delicious and reflective of your personalities, and I see guests do things that makes me just want to beddd-ach slap them upside the head. Ignoring RSVP dates....coming late for the ceremony....dressing inappropriately.....bringing uninvited guests (or kids to adult weddings)....texting or calling people on their cell phone DURING your wedding or reception....bringing their own drama to the party when it clearly wasn't invited.

It sucks, plain and simple.

I don't think anyone understands the crap we go through unless they themselves have planned a wedding... not even my FH gets it!

Thank you all! At least I am not alone in the fact that I feel it's crazy that I even had to post the question/concern.

I will wait until my deadline and see where I am at.

Celia is so right! I/we have worked so hard to make this day enjoyable for everyone, most importantly our guests.

We make it SO EASY to reply. I just don't get why it's so hard to check a box and stick the card in the mailbox!

If people show up that I don't factor into my count for the venue, I will be charged and additional 25% on top of the per head price! I guess other people just don't think of the implications of them not committing to attending causes the bride and groom.

Sigh...

I had quite a bit missing myself and the cutoff is the 15th. I sent this message out:

Our wedding is quickly approaching and we haven’t received your rsvp yet. Please drop your card in the mail TODAY! Whether you plan on attending or not, we need to know. It will help tremendously in making sure that we have the right meal accommodations for everyone. If you’ve just mailed it out in the past few days, please disregard this message. If it’s been mailed over a week ago, please call me to confirm as I haven’t received it. Thanks in advance!

Celia, you are a delight!

Hold off until perhaps two businesd/postal days before you begin calling/emailing/texting. It's dreadful anybody has to chase down an RSVP when it should be apparent you have 1500 other different things you are trying to do. So send one email. Call only once. If you still get no response, send your regards and move on.

As far as cellphones during the ceremony... if anybody so much as allows their phone to ring or even bloody answer it, I'm giving my ushers (brothers) permission to snag them and toss them. Jeans or flip flops?? There's a department store just down the road, see you later! Kid acting like a terror, take them to quiet room we'll have set up. I can put up with a lot, but certain things... I will go bridezilla on their butts. Is it really bridezilla though if this is stuff I'd tear into people about without a wedding? lol

That ratio of responses vs. invited was about what we had. It turned out quite a few more people were coming. They probably simply forgot to send it back, or lost the card, etc etc.

Just talk to them, or send them an email like "we haven't heard from you.. are you coming?"

IMO it's not a big deal until you've heard from everyone.

No KitCat; it's not!

@Megs, I would not be allowing anyone into the venue if they were not on the final list. As in, there will not be a seat for you, as you did not RSVP or you RSVPed no, or you brought along an uninvited guest. You're not on the list - you're not in the door!

I like the idea of sending an email like Latisha did. I would be more inclined to encourage guests to reply to the email than ask them to mail the card, especially if you send the email after the RSVP cut off.

Cellphones - google "unplugged ceremonies" - I'm seriously considering it.

I LOVE unplugged ceremonies!!!

If your list is large, then get your bridal party involved and start calling or emailing.

I have found that calls are better, emails can be missed or easily deleted.

You need to post on FB or something to keep it in their heads, but until that deadline passes you can't make calls. Just have your contact info for everyone ready, and pre-schedule a session with bridesmaid for the 15th, and get ready to call them. most people leave it until THE LAST minute possible and send them. I've had like 10 come in. i'm also preparing for the calls!

My RSVP date is the 13th! I'm still waiting a good number of replys myself. It makes me so darn angry! I'm going to wait until The following Thursday and then send out an email telling them that if I don't hear from them within a week I will mark them down as not attending.

I mean the card, envelope and even stamp is there! Just check it off and stick it in the damn mail!

People are rude and often assume that you "know" their response, when of course, you don't. Wait until a few days after the deadline to start calling. Politely tell them you haven't received their RSVP card and you must know for sure whether or not they are coming to get a firm head count. Tell them they can call you back if necessary, but if you don't hear back from them, you will be forced to assume that they won't be coming and turn the head count into your vendors.

Let's be frank. People know almost immediately if they are going to be able to attend a wedding shindig or not, as soon as they get the invite. Usually it's laziness or just rudeness that prevents them from responding in a timely manner. Others might think that if they don't send the RSVP card back, they have shown the hosts that they won't be coming. It's ridiculous, I know! It really is rather simple. All it would take is checking off a box and sticking it in the fully pre-addressed and stamped envelope!

Don't worry, this is normal. Wait until after your deadline has passed to see who hasn't RSVPd. Then after Oct. 14th, break up the list of "non-rsvpers" and give them to the respective family members who invited them (i.e. your in-laws, your parents, etc.) and tell them that they are responsible for contacting those people to find out. This is what most couples do and it usually turns out for the best.

My deadline was the 1st & still have like 25 that haven't RSVP'd yet. We are just calling or emailing & explaining we are trying to get a final head count to our caterer & need a response either way. I have found when you say "final head count" that keeps people to respond. Good luck I know it can be frustrating & do not understand why it is so hard to check the box & mail. I stamped them, addressed them with ours & their address, they literally just had to answer & mail but apparently that is very difficult fo most people ;-)