Alcoholic Fiance

I would tell him the wedding is off until he is sober. You shouldn't marry someone who refuses to work on a very serious problem like that. We have a friend who married someone like that and he is now in liver failure and he's only 30. I also have had a cousin and good friend die because they couldn't put down the drink and their livers gave up on them. He needs a reality check. Take him to AA meetings.

I dated an addict for about three years. I didn’t know about his past when we started dating. When he was trying to get off the drugs (opiates were his poison but he’d take anything that would make him high) he started drinking. The drunk stupors were far worse than any drug binge. Opiates made him stupid and useless. Alcohol made him angry and mean.

My mom mom told me “even if he never does drugs or drinks again. His life will not be easy. Your life with him will not be easy.”

It got worse before it got better. I eventually walked away, not before experiencing extensive physical abuse, as well as mental scars I still deal with.

I’ve read the success stories about how people have changed their lives around and I think that’s excellent. People CAN change. But for my ex, it was never going to happen. In early July he drove head-on into two motorcycles (a passenger on each) and killed a woman while high. I thank God every day for my DH, and that my life isn’t riddled with the panic and worry anymore that I carried for so long.

My heart breaks for you. Please, I beg you, take care of yourself first. I will be thinking of you.

View Quoted Comment Hi Norma. Please explain how it is "exhausting". My fiance is an alcoholic and I postponed my wedding. No new date until he receivee treatment and is stable. He is not mean or abusive, but I believe his addiction stems from a childhood trauma so he also needs counseling. Did you marry him and, if so, is life with him still exhausting? Did either of you get help, AA, Al-Anon, etc.?

View Quoted Comment Great question to ask oneself.

yanella so sorry you are going through this and you might want to put the wedding planning on hold.

Honestly you cant make someone change no matter how hard you try or threaten them. he has to want to change. He needs to go AA/NA addition you need to go to counseling as well. I honestly feel just from reading your post you know that this isn't right which is why you wont talk to your loved ones about it.

Her isn't ready to be a husband and you have to understand that if you go forward with this you are giving him a green light to continue this behavior. You are beautiful and dont deserve to be treated poorly or disrespected.

View Quoted Comment Hi. Yes we still got married. A little over a year now. It was still exhausting. It’s the lies, empty promises, disappointments, the arguments over his drinking. Finding hidden liquor. It was all so exhausting. We have not had that exciting first year of marriage. I highly suggest 2 things. Join Al anon. It’s a great place for support. They do have some good books to read as well. I joined about a month ago. But before I did that I also read the book “Marriage on the rocks” this book saved me! Can it save my marriage? I don’t know. But it gave me the tools to look at his alcoholism differently. And start to heal myself from the damage. You’ll never get him to stop drinking you can only change yourself. It’s not easy. But I feel better and my marriage is slowly improving. I wish you the best of luck.

I’m currently struggling with a very similar situation with my FH. We’re supposed to marry in October but FH has relapsed on alcohol and possibly other substances. While drunk he said some very hurtful things like “I’m in over my head” talking about marriage and accusing me of cheating on him. Maybe I am in over my head but I love him and I’m going to try to convince him to do counseling anyways. Did things ever get better for you guys and what did you do?