Alcohol under 21?

Man, that is a hard one! I would definitely talk to your FH about this. What does he think?

The bartenders should be checking IDs, but I would ask your venue to double check, just to play it safe. Is there going to be security around? My concern would be if he couldn't get a drink from the bar that someone of age would just get a drink and then give it to him. I would hate for your reception to be shut down because of underage drinking.

It's your venues responsibility. If they have licensed bartenders they will check ID. If they don't they are liable.

That being said, who hasn't gone to a wedding being underage and just had an older cousin slip you drinks. I wouldn't worry too much about it. He's going to drink if he wants to.

Personally, I wouldn't want to put a business in a situation that can be avoided, granted they should be checking ID's. If his mom lets him drink at home that's at her discretion where no one's job or license is at risk and if she's ok with those risks outside of your event that's completely up to her. But you shouldn't be put in that position. Especially if FH is a cop, and you will have more guests that are in the force, if that's not acceptable from strangers on the outside, it shouldn't be overlooked within family because if he's being allowed to do that at home and family functions, who's to say it won't happen outside on his own time where a cop who doesn't know him at all comes across him. Maybe i'm looking too much into it LOL and many have had illegal drinks whether it was with family or friends but I just see it that way, apply to yourselves what you expect others to apply if it's the right thing to do.

I would make sure your venue is checking ID's. There's really not much more you can do about it unfortunately. Even if they're checking, his mom could get him a drink if she doesn't think it's a big deal. There's really not a lot you can do personally -I would leave it to the venue.

Absolutely tell your venue to check IDs, especially since there will cops in attendance. State laws may vary- here in MD everyone gets carded regardless of age. You could be my 94 year old grandmother and I would still need to card you.

It’s not like having a glass of wine at home with dinner. Maryland law allows minors to drink in a private residence if a parent, guardian, or spouse is present. But that rule does not apply to a place other than a private residence.

https://www.alcoholproblemsandsolutions.org/maryland-alcohol-laws-protect/

However, the bartenders are legally responsible for making sure no one under 21 is drinking. Given that the venue would have potential liability if they allowed a minor to drink, I suspect the bartenders are well trained.

If you say nothing to the venue, you are taking part in risking people's jobs. That means risking their ability to feed their families, etc. It is their responsibility to check IDs of people who appear to be under 21, but do they deserve to lose their livelihood if they believe he is old enough? The courts can even give the bartenders jail time and legally declare that they can never work in a job that involves serving alcohol again.

I would quietly say something to the event coordinator. "Please don't mention that I requested this to my guests, but I really want guests who look under 40 to be carded. I have reason to believe that some younger family members will attempt to be served." If you give them that warning, and the venue chooses to ignore it, you've done all you can to help them avoid legal problems. You've also protected yourself from blame.