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Just Said Yes October 2018

Alcohol at the Reception and Rehearsal Dinner

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Stephanie, on June 5, 2018 at 12:04 PM

My fiance’s parents (mostly mother) is very against alcohol and he doesn’t want to upset his mom so we won’t be serving beer and wine. We are just doing champagne which she is aware of. The rehearsal dinner came up and she said she already told the hostess there won’t be any alcohol and not to offer any. I said well people may want to buy a drink separately from the bar. She said “no alcohol period. Any event that we host will always be alcohol free.” I can respect that but it’s very frustrating that an event she hosts will be alcohol free but my parents are hosting the wedding reception and are supposed to abide by her limitations and standards when she’s not paying for it. My mother is not very happy with the situation and I’ve told her to let it go but it wasn’t until his mom told me recently that her events are alcohol free that I got pissed too. Does anyone else think this is a bit ridiculous or is it just me?

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26 Comments

Master October 2016
Mrs. Fall Bride · on June 5, 2018 at 5:17 PM
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Yup. this.
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Dedicated September 2018
Turnicia · on June 6, 2018 at 9:33 AM
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Sorry, the petty part of me is coming out now..... I say tell your mom to order the alcohol and not say anything, and then when the bar opens at the reception look at your MIL and say "oops where did that come from?",Lol! That's just me. You don't pay, you can't play.
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Devoted June 2019
Angelica · on June 8, 2018 at 2:30 AM
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Agreed. Etiquette rules say the payer gets to make the bulk of the decisions.
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Devoted October 2018
Emma · on August 10, 2018 at 1:51 PM
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I agree with everyone here. The hosts and payers of the event get to decide about catering and alcohol. I had this issue with my parents when we married 30 years ago, only we were the ones that didn't want alcohol. My mother was outraged at the thought of not providing alcohol at our wedding. We stuck to our guns, but were always very respectful to her during the confrontations. Respecting a parent doesn't mean you have to agree with them or do what they say. You are allowed to have your own mind as an adult. Respecting the parents doesn't mean there wont be uncomfortable confrontations. It means that you acknowledge their beliefs while at the same time communicating yours without insults or meanness. I believe the word these days is ADULTING. I would tell her one last time that you hear what she is saying but you, your fiancee, and your parents disagree with her and that there will be alcohol at the wedding. Then DO NOT bring up the subject again. If she brings it up, patiently and respectfully tell her that the discussion is over and if she continues, say goodbye and hang up the phone or leave.
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Devoted September 2018
Bri · on August 10, 2018 at 2:09 PM
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You need to make it clear to your hostess/ whoever she told no alcohol that these decisions come from you, your FH or your parents since they are paying for it. Since your parents are paying for it, they are the hosts and she is a guest. She does not get a say. She may be upset about it, but if you keep giving in to her you will have a lifetime of her controlling everything.
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Master September 2019
Colleen · on September 16, 2018 at 2:58 AM
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That is nuts. I think my family would go to the bar and get a drink after she left or while she is leaving. If she does not want to pay for alcohol that is her choice. She does not get to dictate what others spend there money on.
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