Alcohol at the Reception and Rehearsal Dinner

That's a little ridiculous. If she's paying for it that's one thing, but if she's not paying for the wedding reception I don't think she should be able to to dictate what is served or not served. I think your FH needs to have a serious talk with her and explain that if she pays she can dictate what is served, but if she is not paying/hosting then it is not her place.

Very ridiculous! If your parents are hosting the reception then THEY get to decide if there’s alcohol, not FH’s mom who isn’t contributing to the reception.

It is ridiculous.

This is ridiculous. If your parents are hosting the reception then they can offer alcohol if they want. Let her have her dry rehearsal dinner. FH needs to talk to her.

Yes very ridiculous. She doesn't have to drink the alcohol but if she's not hosting them she can't decide who is drinking what or what is being served. I'm not even sure how if she's hosting an event at a restaurant she's going to stop an adult from going to the bar to grab a drink.

She sounds manipulative and domineering. Why are you letting her make these big decisions about YOUR wedding? If you want alcohol at the rehearsal dinner, I would decline her offer to host. And she shouldn't be deciding about your reception - how does one person get to railroad such an important part of your day?

Your feelings, as well as your mother's feelings, are completely valid in this situation.

If she isn't paying she has no say in any of it. If she's paying for the rehearsal dinner then fine, her rules apply. But they do not extend to an event hosted by someone else. Let her march around with a prohibition sign during the reception all she wants but your parents ultimately decide if alcohol is being served because they are footing the bill.

Nope. Completely ridiculous. Weddings require alcohol, period.

Also, there's zero difference in the alcohol content of wine and champagne, so it makes zero sense that you can serve champagne but not wine. Beer has about half the alcohol content of wine & champagne, so again, makes zero sense that you're not serving it, but will serve champagne.

It's your wedding, do what you want. I cannot even fathom telling people they can't go to the bar and purchase their own drinks on their dime at your rehearsal dinner. It's bad enough that it's not being provided, but to tell an adult that they can't go buy themselves a drink? NOPE NOPE NOPE. Your mom has every right to be pissed. And for the reception, it's your mom's decision what gets served, not your FMIL's.

I'd honestly tell FMIL to stay home if she wants to be such a party pooper. Who wants that around to bring you down all day?

She is impossible to deal with when it comes to this kinda stuff. FH has 3 brothers and only one of them had alcohol which was a champagne toast and that’s it. I tried to kindly express my feelings saying “I really enjoy spending time with you and my intention is never to upset you but I feel like it’s a little unfair to say events you host will be alcohol free period but my parents hosting an event has limitations. I just want both me and Aaron to feel like we are in control of making the decisions for our wedding.” She didn’t respond to my message. I just don’t know how to deal with this situation without it causing a strain between me and my fiancé. He’s used to dealing with her and ignores her and pretty much let’s her have her way because he doesn’t like confrontation. I’m probably the only person who has ever spoken up. Not to mention she flipped out a couple of months ago about my dress. My mom, his mom and MOH went to a bridal show and then out to look at dresses afterwards. I didn’t find one that day and the next week my mom asked if we could do something (she didn’t care what) just the two of us related to the wedding. I asked FH if it would be a big deal for just me and my mom to go look at dresses and he said no since his mom already went once. I found one and apparently it was a huge deal to his mom. I even told her we could go back and look at the dress and grab dinner. She told me that wasn’t necessary and she would just see it on my wedding day. Later on it came out that she was very upset about the situation and all of her anger was directed towards my mom. She thought it was so rude of my mom to want to do something just the two of us. FH told her she shouldn’t be upset especially since I offered to take her to look at it, then she got mad at him for “taking my moms side”. As you can see it’s very difficult for either of us to have a conversation she doesn’t agree with. We should have eloped.

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Welp, she sucks. You had every right to have dress shopping be a special moment between just you and your mom. My MIL didn't come dress shopping with me, that was just for me & my mom.

If she was hosting and paying for it, then I guess you have to abide but it is a little ridiculous. Now if your parents are hosting, then they get to do what they want

I believe that she went way left when she said her events will not have alcohol. In this case it is you and your gusbanrs

It's more than a bit ridiculous. I would certainly have alcohol served at my wedding reception. If FMIL doesn't want to partake that is her decision but she shouldn't decide for the rest of the guests (unless she is paying the bill like for the rehearsal dinner). I would change your plans and allow alcohol at the reception. It sounds like this woman needs to begin getting used to not getting her way all of the time and the sooner this happens the better!

I wouldn't agree to this, if I were you. My fiance's father offered to pay for the RD, so nice! I talked to him and his wife, and said I'd take over planning if they gave us a budget. I just wanted everyone to be aware that this is my and my fiance's wedding, not theirs. If they weren't happy with my choices, we were more than happy to pay for it. My father is paying for 95% of our wedding, and my mother & stepfather are contributing for the rest. My family loves to drink and his family doesn't (recovering alcoholics, supportive family members, judgmental people, etc.) but I just don't care. I feel like we are offering plenty of non-alcoholic options so they can just not drink alcohol and leave if people start to drink and party. I don't like dry weddings, I feel like people don't have as much fun. So yes, I do agree with you it's not fair she is controlling such a large aspect of your wedding.

Your future MIL is out of line. She is not hosting, she is not paying, she does not get to dictate if alcohol is served. If she threatens to leave early or now show up, "We are sorry you feel that way, we will miss you."

100% ridiculous. She is out of line.

My appologies for the first post .
Again I believe that his mother went waaay left when she said her events will not have any alcohol. In this case it is you and your husband's day so you can serve some non alcoholic drinks and give the option for people to buy a drink if they want one because it will save you alot of money. On the other hand she's not paying for it. Your guess are grown and will do as they see fit to celebrate the two of you on your day. Respect goes along way but she is trying to take the cake but it's not her show. If you want to further understand her have a talk with her and ask her what did you mean by saying your event? Could you explain that to me? Her tone and the way she answers the question will tell it all.

Do not cater to her. If she doesn't want to spend money for her events to have nccc alcohol, but when she is not paying for it she is on the level of a guest. She cannot decide for others if they can consume alcohol or provide it. Don't let her manipulate you. If she wants to create a problem then ignore her. Just tell her she only has s say in what she is paying for. Let fh know you are no longer going to walk on eggshells for things she it isn't paying for. Opinions are fine but that's it

Clearly she is an unreasonable woman and it seems like it doesn't matter what you do, you will upset her. Serve beer & wine at your wedding like you want to, and then in the future, do not have her host any events for you.

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Great response! I agree, she wants to dominate everyone and it sounds like she plays the victim if you stand up to her. You don't want that to be the defining characteristic of your relationship with her. You do need to get on the same page as your FH, I know he hates confrontation but this needs to come from him.

If she's not picking up the tab, she doesn't get to dictate that there is no alcohol. If it's so offensive to her, she can take her sweet self home after the ceremony.