After Wedding Dinner

I cant even. A friend of mine did this but they paid for everyone so it was fine.

You should pay for the meal. You may have to cut down on the guest list, but definitely pay their way

You should pay for the meal.

FFS..what is happening tonight?

This is the first thread I read after not being around much for the past few days.

WTF. PP's have it covered. No potluck, no having guests pay for anything at your wedding. FFS

I would be so offended if I was a guest. I would probably leave and take the gift.

Lesha, in my own opinion, your sense of humour appears to be...never mind I can't say it here. I'll be banned.

Hi I hope you see this buried in all this back lash, I have been to such a dinner. There wasn't a wedding per say it was just the husband and wife their parents and officiant. The bride called me and said I'm getting marry it's a intimate ceremony after which If you would like to join us for dinner. She made it clear that I would pay for my own meal so as to not have any confusion. My perception was this is odd, but I went anyway to support them. If you get marry at the court house or beach with very few ppl and invite ppl to dinner then go for it. But I think ppl find odd is a grand 50+ wedding and restaurant the guest pay for. Good luck

It's extremely rude to expect people to spend time and money to attend your wedding, plus bring a gift, and then ask them to pay for their own meal.

You can do something smaller, like champagne and cake, but realize your reception then has to be short enough that people won't be hungry.

Yes, your guests will be offended. If you invite people to dinner after a wedding, they [correctly] assume it will be hosted. The point of a reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to your wedding. If you don't have a reception or a hosted dinner, your guests will be offended because you will have broken traditional wedding etiquette by not properly thanking them for attending your ceremony.

eta: just saw the potluck thing. No. People HAVE died from potlucks. Not saying people will die at yours, but it is always a possibility. Everyone thinks "it won't happen to me!" until it does. Have a small wedding and a properly hosted dinner and everything will turn out lovely.

Here are good options:

1. Cut your guest list so you can properly host - That means buying the food and feeding them.

2. Have a cake and punch reception during a non-meal time of day. Like early afternoon, finish the party before 5pm.

Here are bad options (AKA please don't do these):

1. Making people pay for their food at your wedding.

2. Potlucks at weddings.

Hope this helps!

Not to sound rude, but this idea is fucking nuts!

Hosts do NOT invite people to a wedding and ask them to pay for their dinner.

If a couple cannot afford to host, then they should not have a reception (dinner).

If I were invited to such a "wedding" and knew that I was expected to buy my own dinner I would not attend at all, nor send a gift.

OP thinks that people dying from food poisoning is funny and wants to make her guest pay for their own dinner.

I don't have enough wine to get through this thread.

FFS OP, cut your guest list significantly if you cannot afford to host them. Just because you've been to weddings like this, doesn't make it okay. It's just simple wedding etiquette.

Also, why aren't you allowing vendors on this thread? They give great (and honest) advice

We cut our guest list from 100+ to 28 so that we could host everyone properly. Make cuts until you can afford to feed everyone.

'But someone else did it so why can't I do it too?' Haven't you ever heard of the phrase "If you friends jumped off a bridge would you do it too?" Same thing applies here.

How about an earlier wedding and a cake and punch reception?

"Hi I hope you see this buried in all this back lash, I have been to such a dinner. There wasn't a wedding per say it was just the husband and wife their parents and officiant. The bride called me and said I'm getting marry it's a intimate ceremony after which If you would like to join us for dinner. She made it clear that I would pay for my own meal so as to not have any confusion. My perception was this is odd, but I went anyway to support them. If you get marry at the court house or beach with very few ppl and invite ppl to dinner then go for it. But I think ppl find odd is a grand 50 wedding and restaurant the guest pay for. Good luck "

Never take advice from anyone named "Private User." Everything about the above post is wrong, including and especially the part about intimate ceremonies not being real weddings.

@Lesha someone posted the link to the Ohio church thing. And here's a link to the same thing in California -- potluck and deaths. Two big incidents in one year and who knows how many other incidents there were where only a handful of people got sick so we didn't hear about it? Still think it's funny?

http://fox6now.com/2016/11/29/3-dead-8-hospitalized-after-eating-thanksgiving-dinner-served-by-church-in-california/

The reception is your thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony. Whether you have a full meal or cake and drinks, you should be providing these things first your guests. If you ask your guests to pay for their portion or to contribute dishes, then you are having them provide and pay for their own thank you and it's inappropriate. If providing a meal is outside of your budget, either cut your guest list until your budget will cover the cost of the meal for that number of guests or move your event to a non-mealtime and do cake and punch/drinks.