After-party guests

My future husband and I (31 days to go!!) invited 100 to ceremony of which 90% is immediate family,and then about 30 more close friends to reception. I guess we'll see how it goes!? Our original guest list was close to 300. I have a chronic illness and SEVERE social anxiety so that needed to change. We've cut family & friends from list and made it adults only besides our daughter, nieces and nephews. Its at a brewery..and I feel kinda bad because I know people feel slighted for it but then again not really. Its our day we've been waiting forever for. We've scrimped and saved are paying for it all ourselves so I feel I only want the people who are truly happy for us to be there, not who MOB & MOG feel should be there etc. You have to know your limits, say no and mean it! and let people react how they are going to react.

This is actually a thing in the UK and other CPI tries. They invite people for the ceremony and reception and they invite more for after dinner I think they are called after dinner guests. I think if you explain how you are unable to accommodate people for ceremony and reception but still want to celebrate with them for after party then it should be well received in my opinion.

View Quoted Comment Completely agree! I would be honored that they still want to celebrate with me some how and if I truly loved the couple I couldn’t care if I got fed a fancy meal or came for just some chips and beer I would want to be there for the couple not the fancy meals. It’s definitely a know your crowd type but I think it’s something we should start doing in the US since other countries do it and guests respond very well to it.

I suppose it's a know your crowd situation, but I would personally be VERY offended to be only invited to an after-party. This is extremely rude on so many levels.

View Quoted Comment

Nope nope. Same as another poster: totally fine for a 50-60 person thing thats just family to have a party a day, week or month later (be very clear you don't want gifts). 150 people and you wanna invite me to a party after, I'm not going, and it's going to be talked about. I've seen this sort of thing before, the gossip about it wasn't pretty.
If you just moved or something, maybe try for a housewarming party if you want to hang out with all these people, I'm sure there will still be a lot of wedding attention.

If I recieved an invitation to something like this, I would be totally unimpressed and certainly wouldn't attend.

View Quoted Comment

It's weird that you said "and it's going to be talked about." Like, what are you going to say? "OMG can you believe that we didn't get invited to the wedding but they still wanted to celebrate with us so they invited us to a party and provided us with food and drinks. So rude!" I appreciate everyone's opinion but just based on that line you don't sound like the type of person either of us would befriend in the first place.

I think you would have to do it a different day or the timing is kind of weird. I thought about having a party the next day as a BBQ but couldn't budget it.

View Quoted Comment

I considered a cookout the next day but I'm sure I'll be too exhausted to host. Preferred rallying through the night!

I wouldn't especially since you are having what is considered a large wedding. Also, I'm assuming your wedding is in the evening. I had planned on going out after our reception, but I was exhausted by the end. I can't even imagine hosting an after party and providing more snacks and drinks. Seems like a lot.

Many people will be insulted, or have hurt feelings. Your wedding is not the end of your life. When you have settled in, have a couple of parties over several months. Invite any and all friends to things you can afford. 20 for a barbecue, at your home backyard or a park or scenic place. Have people for a meal, and dance or have several card tables set up and play cards, do game things. Celebrate being newlyweds.

View Quoted Comment

Totally gotchu, I think I need to restructure the sentences there. "150 people and you wanna invite me to a party after, I'm not going. It's going to be talked about, I've seen this sort of thing before, and the gossip wasn't pretty." I didn't mean it as I, personally, would be walking around talking about it, I mean I have seen this happen and it was talked about to the max. People close to the couple were talking about how they were sad they weren't just invited to the wedding, people not that close to them were upset and gossipy because the event came across as gift grabby (thus the be clear you don't want gifts, this is the main thing that made people angry if they weren't close to the couple). Besides it being brought up all the time before the event, I recall an instance where there was a bit of a powwow about it long after the wedding, someone had brought it up and it was like everyone was upset all over again. "It's going to be talked about" is a warning, not a judgement at all. I also was considering something like this for after our small wedding, and besides not wanting a big todo or the effort that goes with planning it, a biggg reason I decided not to was based off this experience, it just was not well accepted. If I hadn't seen it go down, I wouldn't know, & I would have thought "eh, I wouldn't be offended being invited to that!" but I definitely was, as someone who wasn't close to the couple it felt like a gift grab to be invited, but I felt worse for their close friends who were just sad about it.

View Quoted Comment How would you be paying for yourself??… I’m just wondering your mindset as my daughter is planning her wedding and then number guests she can have at her venue is a maximum of 100 people and there’s still approximately an additional 20 to 25 that she would like to invite to the after party… We’re obviously putting in some thought ahead of time to see if this would work… So, I’m interested in your thoughts as to why you

I can see this easily backfiring and causing hurt feelings. Even if that is not your intention. Many people would rather receive an announcement after the wedding and no invite to an after party because it comes across that they are not good enough for the official wedding festivities and are essentially a third class citizen getting the breadcrumbs so to speak. Plus think about those not invited who have to travel which is a logistical nightmare. Don’t ask them to travel if they are not invited to the ceremony/reception.



Honestly nix the tiered guest list because that never works out positively and extend the reception with those already celebrating on the official guest list.