After dinner reception only

I wish we could all get something straight -- it is not your day once you invite other people to your wedding. Being the bride or groom doesn't give you the right to treat your nearest and dearest like crap. Tiered receptions are wrong.

Have the wedding you can afford. Invite only those you can afford to host properly.

Besides all the great advice about tiered receptions and b listers, do you realize you can invalidate your contract with the venue by doing this?

Invite the number of people you can afford to host for the entirety of your wedding.

Its really that simple.

I would be a bit upset if I didn't make the 'cut list' for a dinner reception. This is rude.

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Having people come to your wedding is an honor. You could always elope if you cannot host everyone properly. This would stop you from going into debt for a wedding. You could save a lot of money that way.

Kaela - please don't do this. You can't tell people they are not important enough to share your entire day with you. "Come to the wedding, then go feed yourself dinner. We should be done eating by around 8pm, so swing by the reception around 8:15. How does that sound?"

Look, I am pretty chill about most things: cash bar, paying to park, etc.....but this is a bad idea.

View Quoted Comment You have your opinion. I have mine!
My family would be much more offended and hurt if I got eloped and didn't invite them. Verse inviting them after the ceremony and having hors d'oeuvres served.
Thanks for your input!

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THIS!

I was invited to a wedding like this out of state by a close friend so they could save money. I went and would NEVER tell the couple, but it was very hurtful. Especially because it was not explicitly stated and I did not realize it was just the party until we had bought our plane tickets. When I got engaged my friend's wife called me and suggested this because "people understand weddings are expensive". I very sweetly told her that if I was asking her to fly to another state and stay at least one night I would also be providing her dinner. I love them, but it was not a happy feeling being excluded.

Try to be honest with yourself and consider if these 300 people will really be SO sad at missing your wedding. My sister is a very social person who knows many people. She was so convinced that all of these people would want to be at her wedding so badly that she was considering charging them admission! I stopped that notion, but I think it's important to remember that people you love love you as well but would want to be treated with proper etiquette and thought for their comfort. It's incredibly doubtful that all of these people would be horribly wounded to not be invited to your wedding.

Guest lists can be hard because we really do want everyone there but it's not feasible and we have to make tough choices about who we cannot imagine missing on that day. Be sure you don't over extend to where you have to make planning decisions that are rude and potentially hurtful to your guests. They may never tell you, but they will not forget it.

Tiered receptions are rude. That says to someone that they're good enough to buy you a gift but not to be fed. I wouldn't even consider this.

You cut your guest list. If you invite a few you will probably have hurt feelings from others (given that this is a whole group) -. Don't invite people to come over after dinner only : hey x sorry you didn't make the cut to watch us getting married or have a meal like our most special, guests, but come over after, we'll have some dance at the end you can join" - that is what people will read between the lines and I would find it extremely rude.

Um, no, that's rude AF to not invite someone for the whole evening. You don't need to invite 92 sorority sisters.

I'm doing this exact same thing for the exact same reason. I can't afford to feed every single one of my sorority sisters, or my fiance's fraternity brothers, so only the one's we're closest with are being invited to the ceremony and dinner, and the rest afterward for the party. We're serving late night house made pizza and having a dessert and candy bar open all night. Much cheaper way to make sure everyone gets something to eat without paying $100 a plate for absolutely everyone. Also making sure everyone gets a homemade jam as a wedding favour. Honestly all these people are super overreacting about tiered receptions. Late night snacks and desserts with dancing to celebrate with your extended social circle is completely fine.

How many pp indicated it wasn't fine with them at all? Have the wedding you can afford. Host all your guests properly (meal, drink, shelter, seat, and greeting).

There are a few etiquette-appropriate (i.e., not rude) ways of celebrating with a large group of people whom you can't afford to feed a meal; this is not one of them.

1. Have your entire wedding, including ceremony, over a non-meal period, e.g. 2-5 pm or 8-11 pm. Invite everyone to all parts of the wedding and serve everyone the same food and refreshments appropriate to the time of day such as appetizers, desserts, coffee/tea/lemonade/punch, limited bar, etc. As long as it's not over a meal time it's fine not to serve a meal.

2. Have a small, intimate wedding ceremony and dinner with the people you are closest to. That is your wedding and reception. On a separate day - so it's a different event altogether - host a celebration of your recent wedding, similar to an 'at-home reception' after a destination wedding. Again, if you're not going to serve a meal, make sure the event is not at a meal time.

Or just cut your guest list; most people have to and struggle with this process as well. People will get over the disappointment of not being invited to your wedding, especially if they're more acquaintances than close friends.

View Quoted Comment What did u decide? because im in your shoes lol

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with this!
and if you want all the sisters there then you need to consider doing a cake and punch ceremony vs only offering dinner to some and not all

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AMEN!!! All this! If you can afford to feed them... then y'all should just meet everyone out for drinks at a local bar after the wedding and honeymoon sometime. Not nice to invite someone for a gift and I'm guessing there's a cash bar too....

Im in this dilemma as well. We have 100 church friends/family that really want to witness our union but we cannot afford to pay $125pp for their dinner. We’re only having close family and bridal party for dinner and the ceremony/cocktail hour is outside, dinner inside
We are planning to invite the 100 church folks to our rehearsal brunch(with lots of food) the day before and indicating on their wedding invitation “ cocktails and hors d’oeuvres served until 6pm with dancing beginning at 8pm”.
Basically letting them know they are invited to the ceremomy, can stay for cocktail hour (where they wont even see my FH & I bc we’ll be off taking photos) find their own dinner but are welcome to return for the celebration to mingle with us with dancing, drinks & cake after dinner. 🤷🏽‍♀️ So stressful.

View Quoted Comment Absolutely agree you shouldn’t have a b list. Look at receptions in a park or other venu that allows your own catering if that is important. We got food down to $20 a plate by bbq ourself and the cheaper venu ~($3000) made it more than feasible to have 200 guests.