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Just Said Yes October 2019

After dinner reception only

Kaela, on February 18, 2018 at 11:47 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 42

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I have a guest list of 300 due to being in a sorority in college and being good friends with all my sisters. I feel obligated to at least invite them all and their significant others (total of 92 guests if they all go) to the reception but we can’t afford to feed that many people. We are looking at trying to get the dinner as low as we can because my FO and I are paying for the whole wedding by ourselves. But anyways! To still include my sorority sisters in the celebration I was going to invite the sisters I was extremely close to (about 10 people total includidng their sig. others), to the ceremony and reception dinner and the rest to just the reception after dinner. I guess I am wondering if it’s even proper edict to invite guests to the reception after dinner. Any help will be much appreciated!!

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42 Comments

Latest activity by Jessica, on September 11, 2023 at 11:25 PM

Expert June 2018
Adrianna · on February 18, 2018 at 11:53 PM
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It's you and your spouse's day...if that's what you want, go for it!
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Savvy October 2018
Katie · on February 18, 2018 at 11:57 PM
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It’s typically rude to invite someone to the reception without an invite to the ceremony but especially rude to only offer some guests dinner and not others
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Super February 2018
Married and Loving It! · on February 19, 2018 at 12:02 AM
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I agree having people come after dinner isn’t the proper way to do it. I would think about having an earlier reception not at a meal time and just do apps and cocktails. Honestly though it is your day and if you are ok with it- go for it!
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Expert August 2018
falkenmarried · on February 19, 2018 at 12:04 AM
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Tiered receptions are rude. I would cut the guest list, do what you can afford and host your guests properly.

(Think about it from their POV,
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on February 19, 2018 at 12:06 AM
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Proper etiquette consists of showing respect for others, being honest and trustworthy, putting others at ease, and showing kindness and courtesy to others.
What you are suggesting is called a tiered reception and it is considered rude. It is not at all kind or courteous to tell some people that you are good enough to come dance after dinner, but not good enough for us to host you at dinner.
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Just Said Yes July 2019
Stephanie · on February 19, 2018 at 12:06 AM
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We are planning on doing the same thing. Except between my family and his we have over 300 relatives. So add in friends and such... there is no way we can afford to feed that many people. I don't in any way shape or form think it is rude. I think it's utterly irresponsible to put ourselves into debt or take out a loan just to feed everyone. I am a little concerned about hurting certain people's feelings but at the same time it's my day! It's your day!!! There is no wrong or right. And being invited to a wedding is a privilege, honor... not a right. Do You!
I truly believe that they would be more upset if they didn't get included at all!
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Devoted May 2018
FutureLadyH · on February 19, 2018 at 12:13 AM
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I think you should only invite the 10 sisters your close to. I'm pretty slack in regards to the "etiquette rules", but I would NEVER consider inviting someone to the reception and saying they can't attend the ceremony or eat dinner. Quite frankly, what would be the point? Additionally, inviting 82 people out of obligation is beyond ridiculous (that's almost 1/3 of the entire guest list). I can guarantee you other sisters will get married in the future and you won't get an invite to their wedding (and if you do, you should be welcome to enjoy dinner). I'm in a co-ed fraternity and only those I'm close to received an invite. Trust me the others will understand, but you also don't owe them an explanation.
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Dedicated May 2019
Bride2Be · on February 19, 2018 at 12:13 AM
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I would not invite some guests to dinner and not others.
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Devoted September 2018
Chantelle · on February 19, 2018 at 12:38 AM
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This sounds like an equivalent to a "B" list and super rude. You don't think the people that aren't invited to dinner won't hear about it ( I know I wouldn't attend a wedding that I was B listed at)? I would cut your guest list to the amount of people you can afford to feed and leave it at that. Or find a cheaper dinner and invite everyone to the entire wedding/reception.
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Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on February 19, 2018 at 12:40 AM
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You cannot do this. If you want to celebrate with them but can't feed them, then have a separate reception or brunch or something just for them. Do you think you will care about these girls being at your wedding in 5 or 10 years?
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Kaela · on February 19, 2018 at 12:57 AM
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Thanks everyone for the great advice! I was really lost in what the right path was for this! But I have a much better idea now! And I meant feance when I put FO. (I am terrible at spelling)
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Dedicated May 2018
Melissa · on February 19, 2018 at 1:16 AM
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The weekend before we got engaged (I had no idea this was happening) my FH and I started putting together a preliminary guest list and found it to be upwards of 350. (We called that wedding list our Hall and Oates Guest List-the if money were no option guest list). Straight away we knew that there would be absolutely no way that we could afford to have a wedding that big and knew that we had to have a serious conversation about what we wanted to experience from our wedding. May be that is where you need to start with your guest list? Determine who are your absolutely "must-haves" versus the "would be nice to invites."
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Dedicated May 2018
Melissa · on February 19, 2018 at 1:31 AM
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Your questions are great for making a wedding guest list! Like you, we decided to make our reception adult only. We would have ended up with 30+ kids if we hadn't.
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Just Said Yes October 2019
Kaela · on February 19, 2018 at 1:44 AM
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This was really helpful! Thank you!
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Super June 2019
Katie · on February 19, 2018 at 1:46 AM
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I love that last line!
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Expert March 2018
Heather · on February 19, 2018 at 1:47 AM
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This was a concern for us also. I had alot of people say i want invited . my fh family is larger than mine also. So we had alot to consider. So we made a list and eliminated by do i have to have u there. Does future spouse know u or met u. Have we talked in last 6mnts. As we did this our guest list went down. . we also did no children. We wound up inviting 155 with a total of 125 including bridal party .
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Expert May 2019
Jurnee · on February 19, 2018 at 6:49 AM
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Yess. All of this.
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Super May 2019
LaraLouM · on February 19, 2018 at 8:05 AM
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This exactly
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Super January 2019
Tracy · on February 19, 2018 at 8:22 AM
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Just invite your closest friends. Many of us were in sororities. Many went to sisters' weddings. No one ever invited every single sister, and I don't think any of your sisters would expect that of you.
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Expert June 2018
Denise · on February 19, 2018 at 8:42 AM
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This times a thousand. I consider myself VERY slack when it comes to etiquette. There are a lot of things people consider offensive that I personally don't. Some of them I'm doing myself. That being said, a tiered reception is just downright wrong. It goes further than rude. How can you invite someone to a party you're hosting and not feed them? You most certainly need to cut your guest list. Only invite the people you can't imagine not having present when you and FH say your vows to each other. If you don't care to have them present at your ceremony or to even give them dinner, then you aren't THAT close with them.
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