Advice- saying no to being a bridesmaid for my bridesmaid

Forget about the weddings and focus on your relationship first.

You don't have to be a bridesmaid if you don't want to. But the baby reason isn't an issue yet. Just tell her the truth and actually talk to her about why she doesn't like you FH and how it makes you feel that she excludes you.

But, in her defense, one of my really good friends is getting married in like 4 months and I can't remember the location, time, or even city either. That doesn't mean I care about her or her wedding any less.

Either you tell her the BS reason I told you or you tell her the real reason and hash it out. You don't really have any other option here.

I don't see how you being pregnant changes a single thing, one of my bridesmaids has been pregnant this entire time and just had a newborn. Financially what are you worried about? The only money you will need to spend is on your dress. You are not expected to do anything else but show up in that dress. Of course there is the gift but you would need to give that regardless if you were a bridesmaid. She doesn't have to like your FH, the fact that she is still there for you during your wedding even though she doesn't like him says alot about how much she truly cares about you and wants to be there for YOU. IMO you are being selfish. Of course she is more excited about her own wedding just like you are more excited for your own. I don't believe you are putting yourself in her shoes.

You can say no and you don't need to feel bad about it. I lost all sympathy for your bridesmaid when you said she didn't know the date and location?! Yep, goodbye.

Disagree majorly with GoingGuthrie. In fact, if I found out someone I asked to be a bridesmaid was talking bad about my FH, and therefore me, behind my back, I wouldn't even feel comfortable having them up there with us. You don't have to be a bridesmaid. Just say no, that you've got a lot going on and can't commit to her the way you feel a bridesmaid should, and that you love that she thought to ask you and you'll celebrate with her as a guest. She's asking kind of early anyway.

Wait until she actually asks you. Are you sure all this info about not liking your FH is accurate or is it just info thru somebody else? I wouldn't say anything about a pregnancy. Sometimes it might take a while to get PG. Wait until it happens.

Although you don't have to provide a reason, from reading about this BM I feel she will ask you for one. Just say with your recent marriage you won't have the time or finances to commit to BM responsibilities. Whether she thinks it's an excuse or not is not your problem.

If she's a close friend you've known since you were 5, can you talk to her about the things you heard and ask why she feels that way?

If you hadn't heard these things and she had been a bit more excited - would you say yes to being a bridesmaid (despite the possibility of being pregnant or having a newborn)?

I don't know your friendship but I'm thinking if it came from one of my good friends I've known since childhood - it would bother me that they said that and I would talk to them about it.

Wow- are you sure you want her to be your BM?? Negative energy towards your relationship is not something you need on your wedding day. Either way, you have many reasons to decline her BM offer. Being a BM is a considerable commitment in both time and $ so we should all understand that people may decline. You just need to be prepared for her reaction- it may cause a change or an end to your friendship.

Someone two faced is not a friend. Make your decision, no need to justify. I'd not do it, personally. I think the firing a BM in this case is not against protocol. Which is something I'd consider. Life is too short.