Advice on inviting teenagers but not their parents?

Middle schoolers are old enough to go to dances with just a few chaperones. Is this so different?

Talk to the parents first. They may have a few concerns before they approve their child going without them (I would).

I'm not a parent yet, but if I was 13 and someone wanted to invite me to their wedding, my parents would want to go unless they 100% knew the bride & groom & a ton of guests there. It seems odd to invite someone so young and not their parents, especially since they can't drive themselves anywhere at that age.

I don't think I would want my kid to go to an adult function with mainly other adults. A school dance is different because they're surrounded by people their own age. If you invited the teenagers, I think it would be more appropriate to also invite at least one parent to attend with them.

I'm in a similar situation - I also work with the youth program at church and wanted our youth to be able to attend our wedding as well. I've invited their whole family (teenager, both parents, & any siblings), in my situation I actually know the whole family so it just made sense.

Not knowing if you know the parents well or not, I can understand where you would only want to invite the teenager to keep the guest count down, but I think I would advise against that. I don't know if their is any etiquette on this specifically, I just don't think it's appropriate to invite someone who normally have a 'leadership/chaperoning' role with to an event where you wouldn't be able to supervise them, especially with them being under 18.

An alternative would be to invite your youth and their families to your ceremony only and not the reception. Growing up our youth pastor got married at our church and we were invited to the ceremony only.

Hope this helps!

View Quoted Comment As a parent, there’s a big difference between a school dance with all their friends (which typically takes place with teachers present at the school) and a wedding where 100+ strangers and alcohol are present.

OP, I don’t know what the etiquette is here but as a mom I wouldn’t feel comfortable dropping my 13 year old off at a wedding with a limited number of people I know.

View Quoted Comment This definitely helps! You’ve echoed a lot of thoughts that I have!

View Quoted Comment Thanks Laura. This is why I have questions on it.
Parents drop them off with me and trust me to drive a 15 passenger van with their kids across the state on various trips 😂. I do get the alcohol argument. And I get the point that I wouldn’t be able to watch them. So I’m conflicted

Whenever you have a self contained group, especially if children, like your scout troop, the swim team you coach, kids choir, it is fine to treat them as a group, needing a certain number of parent chaperones, rather than a set of parents each. This would be best arranged with someone from the church, since that is where you meet them, with a request that either a representative church person, or one or two parent volunteers, come too. I know several people who have done this, and people are very cooperative. Often you may have 1 it 2 parents who say, well I do not want my child there without me for some reason ( medical, social) who then becomes the first volunteer. My sister recently had 10 special needs teens from the summer camp program where she and now husband met. One couple attending as guests, camp waterfront director and camp nurse, said they would take care if the group. And two individual parents who were the kind who volunteer for fundraising and chaperoning field trips, came. Thus 2 extra adults, 2 already guests, 10 adolescents. Everyone was fine with it. And understanding that if there were too many family, it would become a family outing, not a special event for the group of kids. Better for them. Better for your budget, and the character of your wedding. I k ow countless teachers who have had a full class of kids, in this rural area.

View Quoted Comment

I agree with Judith. When I was in my teens, I was involved in the Church Folk Group (we played masses and weddings) and the Youth Group. My parents would have had no problem with me attending a wedding or event with for an adult who was involved with one of those groups, as long as the usual adult chaperones were in attendance.

Sounds like a fun idea, to me! Hope it works out for you.

I think it’s more of a liability issue than etiquette in my opinion.

If i had kids, i wouldn’t mind especially if they’re all sitting at table together. I would just ask their parents im sure they’d understand

Honestly, that sounds like a liability! I say none of those teens unless both parents are invited.

I actually think maybe it'd be nice to invite them to something else separately where their parents can come too? maybe a more casual get together

I would invite them now that I read your response that you have driven them in 15 passenger vehicle before and parents are comfortable with you. I would talk to the parents the next time theres a church event and simply say hey as you know Im getting married next year. I truly and blessed to have all your amazing kids in my life and they all mean so much much to me Im thinking of having a teen table at my wedding and wanted to invite the kids.