advice on estranged friend

Ive had the reverse happen. a girl I havent spoken too in a few years, found me on FB. we were great friends in high school. We both are uber busy but we talk/text alot. We try to see each other often and when her car broke down, she literally took a bus to me to keep from canceling. were very close now so she will attend my wedding.

I guess my point is that if she really cared, shed try. Not cancel. I wouldnt invite her unless she makes some radical change

I think I give too many chances. I guess I miss her more than she misses me, which sucks. She was my first real friend when I moved to Ohio

Not going into details, I have been in a slightly similar situation. No ex-boyfriend drama or anything going on, just a lot of drifting.

If you want to reconnect and let the past be the past, you have some time to reach out to her before your wedding invites need to go out. Just give her a shout and see if you reconnect. If it doesn't work out, you'll have your answer.

Side note: I agree that the boyfriend connections are awkward, but hey, you're gettin HITCHED! Maybe that guy isn't even in her life anymore, and she has learned a little more about boundaries. But if you DO want to reconnect because you were great friends and did miss her always being there, I think you'll have to try to forget about that glitch.

I understand that feeling. When I was 22 I had a long time friend i had to walk away from because she cared a heck of alot less than me. Like you, I gave her too many chances and she took advantage :-/

Just caught that you feel you have given her too many chances - that kind of changes my answer.

If you want to give it ONE more try anyway, might as well try!

But with my friend, I am done giving chances. Maybe I'll change my mind as my wedding gets closer, but I really feel done. She went from being hands-down my MOH 18 months ago, to not sure I even care to contact her again. I've given this person 100 chances and even made excuses for her behavior to others, but you can't just keep on making yourself vulnerable if you feel like she's always hurting you. I'm sorry that you feel you miss her more than she does, but if she hurts you and is so oblivious to your feelings, I think it's time to let her come to you.

Are the exes still an issue? They shouldn't be an issue for you, I hope, as you are getting married, but is her roommate (your ex) still calling you? Trying to figure out whether reconnecting is going to bring some of that grief with it, or whether you have a chance to reconnect with just her, without all of that attached. If it's the latter case...that depends whether you actually feel that you WANT her in your life. You don't OWE anyone another chance at friendship with her. If you would look forward to hearing from her and seeing her, maybe give it a shot. If you would only be doing it because you'd feel guilty if you didn't, drop the guilt and skip it.

Its a tricky situation because my fiance really does not care for her. I would like to think she has grown up since then but who knows. I don't know if I want to take that chance again. The ex's are not an issue anymore but the constant calls and text msg were unbearable. I don't want to bring that baggage back up.

So I just dont think I want to take another chance. soon to be mrs.clark made a good point. If she cared, she would have made the effort instead of canceling all those times. whatever her reason for zero communication I guess I have to accept that our friendship, to her, was not worth her time.

I just turned 33 this year and there are very few friends I have now that I had in my teens and twenties. A lot of them pulled shenanigans comparable to your situation. I wish them no harm, just like I'm sure you wish the same for her. I would think it may be uncomfortable for your fiance for her to be there as she tried to hook you up with your ex. There is always a gut feeling, so what is your gut telling you?

If it were me, I would not invite her. If she changed and wanted to be in your life, she would find a way. She really hasn't tried, and I know it saddens you. I have one friend I grew up with decide she was too good to be my friend after she was married 8 years ago. I just cannot bring myself to invite her to things even though our mothers are good friends. Good luck

Sounds like a good decision Kelsey K. People can be one way to your face - as you said you bumped into her - but actions speak louder than words. You haven't seen any action yet that indicates that she has changed for the better. Don't feel badly about it.