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June 2013

Advice on Dealing with a Difficult Bride/sister!!

Private User, on February 22, 2019 at 2:37 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 46
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Ok, Ladies,

I need your unbiased opinions and advice on my current situation as MOH in my youngest sister’s upcoming wedding. I’ll be the first to admit, the entire wedding process is largely unfamiliar to me.

As a mother of three girls also, in the wedding 1BM and 2FG the cost of simply attending the wedding will be hundreds of dollars. In addition, I’ve done everything from dress shopping with her, giving her my veil and unused wedding decor, ordering the handmade FG dress from Etsy, buying the FG Keds shoes to match hers, agreeing to the additional expense of having our hair and makeup done, including the cost of hotel accommodations to stay with her the night before the wedding like she requested, among other things.
It all started, with my sister’s decision to save a few bucks and not send a STD or an invitation to her wedding that upset me especially, considering all the money I would spend in attending. Although, I decided to just let it go and never said a word about it to anyone.
However, I did decide to speak up when my sister took over plans for her bachelorette party and insisted on having a weekend getaway trip to Nashville, TN. Not only, did she completely refuse to consider any other alternative options, but she also insisted that tradition dictates the bride is not expected to pay for any part of the bachelorette party expenses.
Regardless, how these things are typically done, it just didn’t feel right to ask everyone to pay even more per person in order to cover all of my sister trip expenses. Her argument was, “I am the one paying for the wedding, I shouldn’t be expected to have to pay for everything.”
Our first disagreement, ended with her in tears, followed by a disrespectful message from her fiancé telling me I am horrible, unsupportive sister, anyone else should’ve been MOH and I should get a second job At McDonald’s if I couldn’t afford it. Afterwards, I felt like such a horrible person that I decided to find a way to do what she wanted in order to keep peace within the family.
It was yesterday, when I made the mistake of again asking my sister to consider an option different than her own, which I should’ve just kept to myself. It all started with my purchase of jewelry and hair piece since the April 6th wedding date was fast approaching.
When it arrived, I couldn’t wait to share with my sister the amazing deal I got on the set of jewelry I loved and matched perfectly. Her only response was, “you don’t need to worry about getting any jewelry.”
Apparently, she had already gotten BM personalized silver jewelry to wear (to match her)for the wedding and never told us as gift was supposed to be a surprise. Still, I had hoped she might reconsider given the circumstances that I couldn’t return sale items purchased and the gold would match the gold shoes and blush dress (her wedding colors).
Her response, “it was her wedding and only her vision of the perfect day mattered” and “if I didn’t change my attitude and wear the jewelry she had picked out, my invitation would change from MOH to guest.”
I am still shocked by her choice words. It breaks my heart to think that her vision of the perfect wedding included jewelry that was much more important to her then, her own sister.
At this point, I have absolutely no desire at all to even be part of this wedding and willing just to cut my losses on everything and the money I’ve spend on her wedding. My only concern is how this fact might upset my young girls and the example it would be setting for them.
If you’ve made it this far, thank you for listening and letting me vent, any advice is appreciated.




46 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on February 24, 2019 at 4:23 AM
  • Destiny
    VIP May 2020
    Destiny ·
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    If she wants to go based on tradition she has no real say in the location and ahe should be paying for any hair and makeup done and if yall are staying in HER room at the hotel she should be the one paying...
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I think you need to look at like this: yes, your girls may be disappointed, but what you’re teaching them is to have enough self-respect that no one, not even your sister, has the right to treat you like a doormat and a personal ATM.
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  • Tina
    Super August 2019
    Tina ·
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    This is tough. I really dont want you to pull out of the wedding. I think its not the solution. Have you told her that honestly you can't afford the Tennessee trip? At the end of the day she could have a vision of going to Australia and as nice as that may sound is it reasonable or affordable? She can't have it both ways. I would try to sit her down and simply tell her that she's got great taste and ideas but you just can't afford the trip right now. Maybe suggest you would be more than happy to attend if she pays but right now you just can't afford it on top of everything else.

    Sigh. She's being real extra right now and I'm sorry!
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  • Tina
    Super August 2019
    Tina ·
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    Oh and block her fh. What the heck!
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  • P
    June 2013
    Private User ·
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    No, she says that she’s reserved a block of rooms at the hotel and wants BM to all stay there with her the night before the wedding, but sleep in separate rooms.
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  • P
    June 2013
    Private User ·
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    That’s the very first thing I did and have no plans of him ever making it off the list!
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  • P
    June 2013
    Private User ·
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    You’re right. It hurts to think about, but you’re right. I just wish things didn’t have to be this way!
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  • P
    June 2013
    Private User ·
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    Unfortunately, I’ve attempted to sit down with her before and it goes no where. All I keep hearing over and over again is how it’s her day, it’s her wedding, it’s all about what she wants.
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  • Lizzy
    Super October 2019
    Lizzy ·
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    Is there someone else like a parent that can help mediate?
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  • Colleen
    Master September 2019
    Colleen ·
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    You should only should be paying for a room it you need it. If she wants your hair and makeup done she should pay. Same with trip she can’t demand a trip then demand people pay.

    I

    sorry I have no advice.



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  • Abby
    VIP March 2019
    Abby ·
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    Don't let her walk on you. It isn't fair of her to ask all of this from you. If she's requiring you to get hair and makeup done she should be paying for it. If she's requiring you to stay in a certain room she should be paying for it. She should not be planning her own bachelorette party and telling you that you have to pay for it.

    I agree that if you did step out and explained to your girls why, it would be showing an example of not letting anyone treat you like that, not even family.
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  • A
    Super February 2019
    Amy ·
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    This post breaks my heart. She is not acting with love towards those around her and truly, her attitude is selfish and extremely IMMATURE. Your hurt and feelings are 100% valid. .

    That being said this happened to my best friend and she did get downgraded to guest. Her sister hurt a LOT of people via her wedding. Whether or not you stay in the party, I think the damage has been done, she's behaved badly and it'll take time to mend that relationship. You have done everything and more and she's been very ungrateful and demanding, that doesn't go away even if you suck it up.

    I will say it was very hard for my friend to actually attend as a guest (I believe she chose to be fairly drunk to get through). It may be easier to just know she is being unreasonable, unfair, and to go along with it if it seems like being a guest will causes more drama, hurt, and questions for you from family. Ultimately, at this point, make the decision that's easier for YOU to handle and get through. It's absolutely not your fault it came to this and I'm so sorry.

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  • Heather
    Super April 2019
    Heather ·
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    Tell her no. Let her get mad they her throw a hissy fit. Brides do not get to pick their bachelorette party destination if they even get one. She does get to pick the jewelry and you should have checked with her ahead of time and cannot be upset about that as she has paid for it. She also has the right not to send std cards so you being upset about that is dumb. Other than those two things she and her fiancé are in the wrong but it sounds like they’re perfect for each other. I think I would talk with her and give her the ultimatum stop being a bridezilla or we all will not be a part of it. The kids will likely be upset but let’s be honest kids get upset over a lot of stuff
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  • Soon2Bmrsp
    VIP May 2019
    Soon2Bmrsp ·
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    Since this is your sister my best advice would be to grin and bear it, I would not do anything else. I definitely would not stay in the room with her on the day before the wedding because that means that you will be paying for that room vs her paying for her room. Which is what she wants for everyone else? Pay for your own room because you need your privacy and rest. I would not pay for another item out of pocket that you cannot afford, its not a matter of working at McDonalds, it's a matter of respect and the FH had no right to call/text/reach out to you in any type of manner. Good luck and hopefully this relationship can be mended.

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  • Cynthia
    Expert May 2019
    Cynthia ·
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    My jaw dropped reading this. Draw a line about boundaries and expectations, and stick to it! Her FH told you to get a job at McDonalds to afford her bachelorette party? Are you kidding me?? I would have responded that if she was forcing her party to go to Nashville, she should be the one getting an extra job to cover the expenses! I would have lost it. Truly. Don’t let her throw hissy fits and be a bridezilla. Homegirl needs a reality check. I’m not wanting to say take yourself out of the wedding, but I would stand firm and let her know where you stand. And if she feels that’s worthy of being “downgraded” to guest, then do be it. I can only imagine how horrible she might be on the day of her wedding to everyone around her. I wouldn’t want to deal with that and would enjoy being a guest more than MOH at that point!
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  • J
    Master October 2019
    Jolie ·
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    In proper etiquette she should be paying the hair and makeup if she is requiring it. Since she is not paying for it you have the right to opt out if you don't want one or the other, or both. A hotel room for yourself is only necessary if you need one. You can very well get ready there the next day but she can't force you to get a room. As far as the bachelorette trip, she can't demand and not pay. For my friend's we asked what she was interested in and we surprised her with OCMD. The bridesmaids all paid for the airbnb that I picked out, but it was affordable. Something like that wasn't really a pp cost that included her, we paid that portion. NOW, I chose my bachelorette trip to Vegas and I am paying my own flight/hotel stay in addition to a portion of each bridesmaids hotel/airfare as a gift. I am okay if they offer to pay for drinks and stuff there and to get into clubs but I am not expecting it. You also don't even have to go to the bachelorette either. Anyone can opt out if they can't afford it. Sorry your sister is being such a bridezilla Smiley sad

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  • P
    June 2013
    Private User ·
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    Yes, the first thing I did once I realized things were headed out of control was talk to my dad. We are both close with and if she might listen to anyone, it might be him. My dad’s response though was just to continue going along with everything she wanted, it’s her wedding.
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  • P
    June 2013
    Private User ·
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    Yeah, if I had it to do all over again I would’ve asked for sure about the jewelry. Due my to my lack of experience with weddings, I had assumed the jewelry was the one small thing we actually had option on in all of this. Although, considering everything I’ve done for her regarding the wedding, I’m not gonna lie, the jewelry thing mainly bothered me for one reason. It’s the fact that the gift she did get as a “thank you” would have been enough for me even if you never actually, said the words to make dealing with it all worth it. However, when she told me the gift wasn’t optional, it was something she had gotten us to match her and apart of the vision she had planned for the wedding, my heart dropped. My sister somehow even managed to make a gift typically meant for the other person, all about herself, too. 😕
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  • P
    June 2013
    Private User ·
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    I’m going to take your advice about just letting her throw the hissy fit, make threats and give ultimatums. In my heart, I feel like I should draw the line somewhere, but at the same time I feel absolutely for doing it. I’m afraid of what this will mean for myself in the future and how I will be punished for it.
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  • P
    June 2013
    Private User ·
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    I agree, I’m not going to pay for anything else and that includes the hotel room.
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