Advice on Asking Sponsors

I don't know your situation at all, so if I am interpreting it all wrong - ignore me.

I think this is really tricky because I personally wouldn't be so sure that they really meant for you to follow up for sponsorship. If someone has mentioned it many times and said something like, "Well I think I can afford $xx, so please let me know as soon as you decide," that may be one thing. But general, "Let me know how I can help" may not be intended for an actual cash hand out.

From my standpoint (again, not knowing who said they would sponsor you for costs, when they said it, if they were sincere or merely meant to express their support but not to hand over cash)... the best option is to plan a wedding based on what YOU can afford with careful saving and planning. When gifts of cash come in, choose how to use it then - but don't approach them now unless you have a VERY CLEAR understanding that they meant sponsorship in that literal sense.

I have never heard of a "sponsor" for a wedding. Is this something common in your region?

@ CKJL5410 sponsor meaning they will pay toward a part of the wedding.

@Anna B.- ok I should clarify. This is all my really close family who are aunts, uncles who helped raise me in a sense and luckily I can say there is no hidden message. They are simply stating whenever I need money toward catering or the dress, then to come ask them or let them know. I know it is offered and I know it is there if I need it, but how do I ask without making it seem greedy. I appreciate there help very much and if it is offered, I could sure use it, but my no means do I expect it or want them to think of it that way.

I have a hard time asking my dad for money when I need to make deposits (he is paying for half). I always feel strange even though I know he is more than willing and happy to pay them. I just call and start talking about how wedding things are going and then casually mention that the deposits are coming up fast. If you know they were offering money, just ask. I have found that being direct is the easiest way to get things done.

You should also probably have the conversation with them about how much they can afford to give you so that you know what budget you are working with before you start too much planning.

I have to agree with Anna on this one -- you really can't rely on promised or possible money for something as important as a wedding... i am not saying these family members don't mean it, or will not actually help financially - i just think the smart plan is to go forward with what you and your fiance can actually afford, and if you receive money from family it is a bonus.

again, it's hard not knowing you family or the relationships... it could be that you and a certain aunt love cakes and desserts, and maybe it would make sense to approach that person for help with that item... honestly, i don't know to move forward without it seeming greedy or innapropriate. :o/

Hmm maybe just an open ended question like, asking if they still are interested in that, and how much? Being sure to thank them. Ya it's tricky..but really I wouldn't count on any money til it's acutally in hand, for planning purposes. Just because you never know when people's circumstances might change in today's economy. If they do contribute, maybe the day of you can do something to honor them, like give them a flower to wear (without necessarily broadcasting the fact), something like that. Good luck!

I can sort of understand what you mean because my god parents (my aunt and uncle) pretty much said the same to me and it was clear that they would help financially. I'm very close to them so I simply asked them what they would feel comfortable covering. My aunt said "Tell me what you need" which was kinda hard because I need everything lol So I just asked her how she felt about covering my flowers and she said she would love to. Now my uncle, I know his financial situation is a little different but he still insisted that he wanted to contribute so I thought of something more in his price range and he's buying my invitations So you should just flat out ask what they're comfortable helping with. In my opinion I think it's better to have something specific in mind that each person can pay for (dress, invitations, even something as small as favors) so they can see exactly where their money is going though instead of asking for cash.

Thanks CKJL that is exactly what I need to do just trying to find the words to say ya know. I was even thinking of having my mom put the word out but I don't want her to be pushy, you know how moms can be for their only daughter's wedding lol.

That is incredibly nice of them! I'm pretty lucky to have some "aunts" who are not really family - just nice mentors who became family who support me emotionally. It's great to have people that close.

So if you are comfortable asking and know they are sincere, then my approach would be to make a budget (if you haven't already) with a breakdown of the costs. When you see them next you can ask them how much they are comfortable contributing, instead of saying "alright well catering is 3200, so who is covering that." That will help you get a clearer idea of what you can afford after you start accounting for their contributions.

Just a reminder (in the nicest way possible, I know they want to help you) that there have been some brides on here with trouble after they relied on a contribution (dad, grandfather, rich aunt, etc.) that never materialized. Just don't want you to end up in a sticky situation

Yeah, i wouldn't recommend paying for things and then waiting on them to give you the money. don't want to get stuck not having the rest of a payment after the deposit is already paid. Just come out and ask them. During a conversation about wedding things say "I am really excited to be booking _____ this month!, any chance you would want to put your contribution towards this?" hmm.. now that i type it out it doesn't sound as good :-/ good luck!

Thanks girls. I agree on each person covering one thing. My aunt loves fashion and has offered me her wedding dress, she didn't think she could have children and wanted me to have it. Well what a blessing, she is having a baby and I would not feel right taking her dress knowing she could have the chance to pass it on to her daughter or daughter in-law. We are like sisters and would love to have her fashion input and she has offered to help towards my dress purchase, my uncles are partiers so I was thinking having the 5 of them who offered to put in on the bartenders and venue; and my mom is all about flowers and decor. Each purchase is also geared toward their available funds too. I would feel bad saying to my single dad uncle who wants to help, "Hey I need a deposit toward my venue" lol more like a donation of $50 towards a bartender.

Oh and I should add that once my aunt agreed to pay for my flowers, we set up a date to meet up and visit florists together so for me it worked better that way because we spent the day together and she felt like she was a part of the process instead of just giving me a handout lol.

@ Anna B. and CKJL - you are so right. The way I feel about it is we are paying for our venue anyways so if they say they can help but need to come up with the funds then great we might get a gift later but for now we are still paying.

@ Nicole- I really like that idea it will be fun to have them really be a part of it and contribute their touch towards our day then to just "front the bill". We are even planning on putting a thank you and list our sponsors and what they contributed toward on our program.

I think you've got your answer but I just wanted to advise you on paying the venue monthly, is that something they require you to do? if that's the case fine, otherwise I'd strongly advise you to keep that money in an account where you can earn some interest on it and also in case anything happen God forbids, you don't lose all your deposits. Good luck with everything

@ Patricia- Yeah unfortunately that is how it is agreed upon. It is good and bad, we could pay now, 25% at 6 months, 3 months, and then a month before. When the lady at the venue set it up though she set it as a monthly note. My truck note is over this month and the venue payments start next month. So it won't be anything we aren't used to footing a bill for but it may be better to keep our hands out of the cookie jar instead of letting it sit ya know.

I think that it is absolutely fabulous that your close relatives are actually offering to pay some of the wedding costs. Do sponsor a Sunday or Saturday brunch with them this summer and after brunch and a couple of brewsky's thank them wholeheartedly for offering to help. You should itemize on a sheet of paper the cost of everything, i.e.

Jessika & "Beaus" wedding Costs

DJ - $500

Photography - $1000

Limos - $700

Venue - $50 per person

Florist - $700

Two may just want to purchase the flowers, another may pay for the limo, or chip in for the DJ. Be sure to get accurate final costs including any taxes to be sure your items are priced correctly. Leave it up to them what they wish to contribute to. Or, they just may write a check and you apply it to where it is needed immediately (say your venue, which is usually the highest expense). Gently tell them that you need the financial support by "such and such date" of next year - 5 months prior to your day.

Good luck and best wishes!! Lise

@ Lise that is a good idea maybe a get together brunch like you said. Instead of making them feel like they are singled out.