Advice Needed - Bridesmaid Replacement

If you are sure that you don't want to have the friend in the wedding, you still have time to make up with her, then ask your FSIL. Just explain that someone had to drop out and you really would love her to be a part of your wedding. Even though she was your 2nd choice, she probably will be thrilled that you even asked her.

Are your sides even? If they are you could say that you originally didn't ask because you wanted them to stay that way. Then say now that your friend dropped out, you'd love for her to be a part of your day and the sides can still be even!

I would just leave it. I almost lost a bridesmaid because she was supposed to have a final the day before the wedding and wouldn't have been able to make her flight (but it's sorted out and she can make it now, yay!)

But not for one second did I consider replacing her. I didn't want her to feel like her presence was replaceable and also I knew that whoever I asked would feel like they were just a back up.

@ Mrs.Carson - Well right now they aren't even. I have 3 and FH has 4.

@Val - I hope she is thrilled and not hurt. Thanks! And after the things my friend said to me and about me...I don't see the hope of making up.

If I had asked my SIL's they would have been ecstatic. Just outright ask her. Tell her that you would love for her to be part of your big day.

That's what I mean! Explaining that you wanted to ask her but wanted them to be even, but since your friend made it uneven you'd love for her to be there with you.

@Mrs CArson - OHHH lol. I get it now. Its been a looong day.

@Snarky - Thanks. Easy enough. lol.

@Kaylarae - I don't see this friendship repairing. And at this point I could care less if she knew I replaced her with family. Oh and pretty positive she is no longer invited. FH made that very clear after the things said. Thanks for your sweet words/thoughts though!

I had a similar situation and I too never would have dreamed it would happen. I wrote a super sweet email to my good friend explaining the situation and asking her to stand up for me. She was thrilled"

Thanks JK8. I was thinking about taking her to dinner or lunch and have a sweet letter typed up too.

I would not replace her. From personal experience I lost a bridesmaid and replaced her, and it has been nothing but a headache (she has been procrastinating, and wants me to finish her stuff for her etc. by stuff I mean pick a FREAKING dress). I wish I would have just left it uneven.

Have you considered asking the FSIL and not firing the other one just yet? I don't think sides need to be even myself.

if you really like the FSIL and think she would love being a BM, I'd ask even if the sides may be uneven.

I've got young niece that pulled out the photo albums to ask me why I wasn't a bridesmaid in her mom's wedding- if you want to avoid dealing with that question, might want to include the FSIL- that's my opinion -

I had to change MOH and when I did I told my current MOH that she should've been my first choice all along (she was very understanding as she knows the situation of the fall out with my former bestie....the 3 of us were very close). She basically said that she hadn't wanted the responsibility of MOH and I reassured her when I asked her that I'm not looking for anything over the top from her, just that I want her by my side on our big day.

Ok, none of my business, but I can't stand not asking- what did she say? sure she's not just stressed and jealous over the idea of being a BM? it happens.

I was in the same situation and had two of my four girls step down. Ironically my FH only had 3 guys on his side, and I knew the entire time I really wanted my other best friend from childhood in our wedding to begin with, not the two girls. I was honest with her and told her I had made a mistake by picking two girls I barely knew because I wanted to involve my FH's friends, too. I wrote her a letter and apologized for being selfish and immature, and told her how important she was to me and how much I would love for her to be a part of our day - she was so happy and said yes in an instant. Honesty has always worked out best for me in the end.

Firstly, "even sides" is the lamest most thoughtless reason EVER for asking someone to be in your wedding. It should never be the reason.

Second, it's hard not make it seem like she is a second choice when she IS a second choice. It

Can be hurtful and I find it rude. Leave things as they are.

I just replaced my bridesmaid two days ago with a girl who was my greeter. I just came right out and asked her if she'd be a bridesmaid. I was roommates with her so I knew that she'd be thrilled and she's so easy going she wouldn't care if she was second in line. I basically told her that I wanted her as a bridesmaid all along but she knows how OCD we are about symmetry and so that's why I asked her to be a greeter originally. She also always knew that my bridesmaids were picked out like in college before I even started dating anyone, so she was completely flattered to be asked and I told her a little about the drama that happened from my bm dropping out and she totally understood and was really excited. But I really know how she is and I knew she wouldn't be offended. The people here that are saying not to replace her are probably the ones that would be offended if they were asked second. So do you think your FSIL is someone that would get offended or she'd be really excited that you want her there. If you asked me three days before a wedding and I was sixth in line I wouldn't care...to me I'd love to have a role in anyone's special day.

Sorry but all this "I wanted you to be my bridesmaid all along" just rings so hollow to me, from my POV if you really wanted me as a bridesmaid you would have just asked me in the first place, there's no way of getting around the fact that your replacement bridesmaid was your second choice and the excuse about even sides its lame imo. if it were me I would just leave it as is and not fill the spot, the people who I ask to be in my bridal party are not replaceable.

I have to agree with a few other people that I think I'd be pretty offended to be asked as a second choice because someone else was dropped.

I would very much figure that if you'd wanted me in your wedding you'd have asked me in the first place. Regardless of 'uneven sides'.

@ Happy - Thanks a ton! I fully agree with everything you said.

And ladies I do not care about symmetry. I could care less. The girls weren't walking down the aisle anyways. So that doesn't bother me.

@Stitching Bride - she said that this past weekend wasn't "all about me" (i flew into town to have dinner with my bridesmaids so they can all meet one another and to go dress shopping fora wedding dress) that I'm self absorbed, negative about everything (which i wasn't aware that you weren't allowed to vent to friends when something is upsetting...my bad), she also said "i don't know what true Adult responsibilities are because i don't take care of another human being", "i'm never going to be healthy or happy and that I have nothing going for my life...(because i'm not married or a mom.) Also, said I chose to hang out with someone better (ie another bridesmaid that was invited to all events as she was)...and it was my fault that she woke up late and never responded to group text/emails because she has a life to worry about other than petty wedding things. **cough, B&*^%, cough** (that was me) LOL.