Advice for my Parents

That’s ridiculous of your sister. It’s their money and they have every right to choose what it gets spent on. They’re willing to help pay for a wedding that they and the rest of your family will be able to enjoy... not just to fork over money because your sister feels entitled to it.

She is choosing to not have weddings like you and your brother did, so having their financial help with a wedding is something she is giving up by eloping. If she wanted to ask them for help with a dinner or something after, and they refused to do that, then she would have a stronger argument But like you said, your parents didn't hand you a stack of cash and say "here", they paid vendors, something your sister isn't having by eloping. You sister, in my opinion, is in the wrong here.

I guess I can see both perspectives here. Of course your sister is acting irrationally and no one is entitled to anyone else's money, however, I don't think it's fair to financially support two of your children and exclude the third because she isn't having the kind of wedding you want. If your parents want to help financially, maybe they could book their flights or accommodations for their elopement instead of handing her cash directly.

View Quoted Comment I'm not sure if she is eloping or going to the court house, but she doesn't want help with paying for anything for the wedding. They offered and she said no she wants cash.

Your sister is way in the wrong. I don't know if I'll be a popular opinion, but your sister is demanding a gift. What your parents did for you and your brother was offer a gift as part of your wedding; your sister is demanding that she be given a gift. It's not favoritism. If she was having a wedding and they weren't paying for anything, she might have a case for favoritism. But she is electing to have an elopement. That doesn't mean she gets a cash payout instead, and she certainly can't guilt your parents into forking over cash. If they give her money as a gift, it's a gift. But if she stomps over and demands cash, she's in the wrong. She needs to take a step back and look at herself in the mirror.

View Quoted Comment They offered to help pay for anything she may need related to the wedding, but she only wants them to hand her cash.

I personally think it's pretty rude of your sister to assume she is entitled to money just because her siblings received it. My husband's father paid for our rehearsal dinner (3k) but didn't just hand over 3k to each of his sisters (both are in their late 30s and don't plan on ever getting married) just to make it equal. That seems more like something you'd do if you had toddlers and one was throwing a fit because the other got a toy. The whole point of contributing to the wedding is because it's also an exciting experience for your parents & the rest of your family, and while they are still happy I assume that your sister is eloping, it's less of event they are involved in as well. She really shouldn't have asked at all, she should have waited to see if they offered and if they didn't, there is her answer.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah she is 100% in the wrong! Your parents sound very kind to offer to help her!

Your sister is being a brat. My mom spent so much money on my sister because she was in a volleyball league and traveled all over the place, she took gymnastics, was a cheerleader, etc. I was just in the band and my instrument was given to me by a cousin so that was free. I didn't ever insist that my parents give me money to make it even. I didn't even think about the difference in what she cost vs what I did until now. I feel that this is the same. She's not entitled to anything. Your parents paid for stuff for you and your brother as a gift to you. You can't force anyone to gift you anything. Don't let your mom feel bad. Your sister sounds very selfish.

My opinion isn't going to popular it never is. Your sister wants to elope. That's her choice just like it was ya brother n your choice to go traditional buuuut for them to actually help the two of you n not her because she's different is downright wrong. In my opinion.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree it is her choice. My parents eloped so they obviously aren't against eloping. They are against just handing her a lump sum of cash to spend on whatever she wants. They have offered to pay for anything she may need for the elopement, but she just wants cash to spend on anything.

View Quoted Comment I get it really i do but I'd be hurt too if I was ya sister.

View Quoted Comment Well I didn't want to include this, but part of the reason they don't want to hand her a lump sum of cash is that both her and her fiance have a history of drug abuse and they would be considered that the money wouldn't be put to good use. My parents never gave my brother or I lump sum of money either.

View Quoted Comment She can't demand a lump sum of money, especially with that history. If she wants the help, she can ask them to pay for parts of the wedding like they did for you guys. I understand why she might be hurt, but she still needs to realize that demanding a gift isn't the way to get it either. They are clearly offering her the same that they offered you guys - financial help with the wedding. Not straight cash to spend as you wish. Don't let her guilt your poor mother.

View Quoted Comment This is my sister's second engagement and my parents paid the deposits on some of the things for her first engagement as well.

View Quoted Comment Welp. Sweetie u didn't have to say it. I do not mean to pry. I'm sorry. I more than get it now.

I think your sister is wrong. Your parents offered to pay for yours & brother's wedding stuff, but she's eloping? If she really wants cash she should get them to pay for the marriage license/court house appointment or a nice dinner reception.

Honestly though, I could see my little sister doing the same thing and my mom giving her the money just because it's her "little baby". I'm rolling my eyes...

Your sister sounds like a brat. They wouldn’t be paying for her wedding, they would be paying for who knows what. I think it’s one thing to “gift” a couple something for their wedding by paying it directly, it’s entirely different for a couple to demand that money and not intend to use it for a wedding.

Gawd this sounds like my brother. Even though he begs and dictates financial help, my parents try to keep the financial help fair between the three of us. He is currently throwing a fit because of my wedding, but he tends to forget they gave him 7k last year to help redo his home. Like how do you forget a 7k gift? Anyway, I still believe parents should be equal in how they help their kids. If one kid gets a free ride to college, then the others should as well. Otherwise this causes resentment. However, if this behavior is toxic, which it sounds like it may be, they best thing to do is stop giving any financial help to this sibling.


My brother will never respect my parents assistance and they are a bank in his eyes. Unfortunately, they keep helping him and he just keeps begging. In order to stop toxic behavior, they have to make the first move. If the first move is not cutting her a check for eloping, then so be it. She will be mad but your parents have to draw the line somewhere. Feeding this type of behavior will only lead to more issues in the future.

View Quoted Comment My sister tends to forget that my parents paid deposits for vendors last year when she was engaged to her first fiance. When she cancelled that wedding the venue was nice enough to refund the money my mom paid, but my sister kept the money. My parents didn't get the money back from the other vendors my parents gave deposits to. My parents have also bought her gas, food, clothes and toys for her fiance's son, a new couch and other household items. She seems to forget all of us this though.