Advice about 2021

Well, I’m getting married in 10 days and while we ALWAYS planned a smaller wedding (35), we are having what I believe is a “normal” wedding in the FL Keys. All restrictions have been lifted and the venue has made no mention of face masks (albeit we are providing them to guests as optional).


Indiana has been permitting outdoor gatherings (weddings) of 250 since July (I believe). It really does depend on where you live and what that states new normal is. No offense, but your Gov / and city mayor are outright crazy (and I grew up with Mario Cuomo), as is my home state of NC. Whatever is happening now is outright political.
My words of advice to you are, everything will change after the elections, if you’re on one side- I believe most states will fully reopen. If you’re on the other side - we’ll, if you heard the debates last night we’ll be shut down for who knows how long and when / if a vaccine is found. That’s my 2cents and I hate saying it like that, but I’ve been following this since it was first mentioned in January (17th to be exact). .
We’ve held onto faith for a normal wedding and I am pretty confident we’ll have it. So will you.

Personally, I think your concerns about where we'll be next year are very valid and that those who are of a "full-steam ahead, everything will be normal" mindset are likely to be disappointed. That said, there are clearly VERY different responses in different geographical locations, so maybe some of those 300-person weddings might happen -- I think I read that this morning TN dropped all Covid-related restrictions.... Given that you're in NY, I think you are being realistic for your location. We're in California, and our governor/state is just not budging on much. For goodness sake, yesterday Disneyland finally seemed to give up much hope they will be allowed to reopen and laid off 28,000 people (including close friends...). Some locations seem to be holding a very hard line on reopening/returning to "normal," whatever that might be for the foreseeable future. I wish I could be more reassuring, but I think your gut reaction is correct. Good luck!

I honestly am pessimistic for 2021. I mean we stayed home since March, thinking it would be okay by summer, then summer turns to be worse, and by fall I still don’t see a normal wedding could happen, neither do this winter. I honestly doubt the vaccine would be available soon, and if it’s available by summer next year, many won’t be willing to be vaccinated due the fear of long term side effects. Time flies and so far covid is not in control. I do hope we are getting a better control in 2021, so my 2022 wedding would be reality and no covid restriction whatsoever. Yup, we postpone that far. My mental health can’t take a 3rd postponement 🤷🏻‍♀️

The best thing I can say is to hope for the best but prepare for the worst. I'm with you, we are having our minimony in a few days but the big wedding next year, and who knows how things will be then. A lot of the restrictions will depend on where you are, but also depend on your venue. I'm in NJ and have read about how some venues take the "no dance floors" rule very literally in that they don't put up a dance floor but permit the guests to dance, whereas other venues don't want to be shut down and take the rules very seriously. So it just depends where we are with regulations by that point. Continue to plan as if you are having the big wedding, and have a backup plan that you can implement quickly if things don't look good a few months out.

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LOL.... Having lived in NJ for a while, I can totally see this.... "Yup! We don't have a 'dance floor!'" Gotta love my Jersey roots!

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Hahaha for real! This is pretty typical of NJ for sure, but also our governor has taken the virus pretty seriously, and NJ has been one of the, it not the most, slowest states to reopen anything, so wedding venues are probably fed up and seeing how they can be sneaky sneaky about it. I personally wouldn't recommend this approach, I don't want to be *that* wedding that gets busted or something.

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Again, gotta love Jersey....

We have so much family I adore there, but they are their own breed....

My sister in law’s is scheduled for May 2021 and she seems to think everything will be normal. Mind you she booked in June of 2020 right smack in the middle of the pandemic. That said, I did recently attend a wedding in NY and besides people wearing masks, there was a dance floor and everything else was normal.

It sounds like you’re being very realistic.

I’m in the same boat as you. I’m set for May 2021 and thought everything would be fine, because how could we not have things under control in a year, right (lol)?! But now that the months keep rolling by and things aren’t improving, I’m not trying to kid myself that things will magically get better next month, or the next, or the next... and tbh the reason things aren’t getting better is because of the people who continue to have huge weddings/gatherings/vacations and disregard the rules because they think they are above it all 🙄 very frustrating because who knows, we may well be in better shape had we actually tried to follow lockdown protocol. I also think people are deluding themselves into thinking things will be normal because it’s almost like a coping mechanism. They don’t want to believe things will still be this way for a while. And I totally understand that, but you have to be a little realistic. I know I absolutely want dancing at my wedding. I think it’s the best part and wouldn’t want to have one without it. And as much as it sucks, I think I would want to postpone the big reception if that were the case. I would say to wait until like 3-4 months out and assess the situation from there. That’s probably what I’ll do. WOW sorry that was long. I’m not sure if that was even helpful. But just know you’re not alone in being stressed about things! It’s up and down for me

View Quoted Comment I agree with this 100%!!! I think we all know now that without a successful vaccine that is administered to a large portion of the population, we will still be wearing masks and practicing social distancing—well only those that care for others and are socially responsible, of course! I’m so tired of people talking about the restrictions being lifted—this does not signify that the virus isn’t a threat anymore. I would hate to live in FL, for example, where the government has no concern about people’s lives and believes it is okay for people to gather in crowds in restaurants and bars. Even if “restrictions” are lifted, I would not feel comfortable or happy hosting a traditional, large wedding in this pandemic climate.

View Quoted Comment Right!! Oh me too. I’m really thankful I live in a state that is trying to take it at least a little seriously. I wouldn’t either. It really sucks and it’s sad and unfair, but it’s just not right. I would never forgive myself if someone I loved or my fiancé loved got sick (or worse) because they came to my wedding. It sucks because of course a lot of people want the big traditional wedding and have been waiting/planning for years, but sometimes crappy things happen. UGH.

I am also a fellow NYC 2021 (hopefully soon to be 2022) bride! I’ve written this in a few threads now, but my fiancé and I booked our venue and most major vendors in February 2020, before the pandemic unraveled. In April, I recall my fiancé asking if I thought we would have to postpone our August 2021 wedding and I thought—definitely not, we were 18 months out then! I remember reading threads of couples asking if they should postpone their summer 2020 weddings and people were telling them to hold off because things would improve. I cringe when I come across those old threads now. Broadway shows were postponed until June 7th, then September, then 2021. As the summer went by, I began to get anxious. Yes, while a year seems like a long time and I agree that people don’t want to imagine living life this way for another year, I cannot imagine that we can have the wedding that we want next summer. Like you, I would like to have a normal, pre-COVID wedding without masks, distance, worry and with dancing and mingling and hugging and our full 120 person guest list! As hard as it is to say, I strongly believe that the threat of the virus will still be around all of next year. Yes, if things trend in a good direction, more restrictions will be lifted and people will continue to get creative with making things socially distant so that people can get back to enjoying their lives (ie. Plexiglass dividers in restaurants, etc.). Perhaps we will ease back into a little bit of normalcy. But we are risk averse, and as long as the virus is a threat, we would not be able to host the kind of wedding and party that we want. I think masks and the uneasiness of being in crowds will be around for a while.


I know it’s much harder as a 2020 bride, but I feel like if you are willing to wait until 2022, you’ll give yourself a better shot at having the wedding you planned. If that is on the table, then I would suggest moving towards postponing now. As hard as it was to let go of our date, my fiancé and I just reached out to our venue to possibly postpone to August 2022. We don’t want to compromise our wedding details and we want to be able to enjoy the wedding experience and this year won’t allow for that (pre-celebrations and holidays with family, bridal shower, dress shopping with family, bachelorette/bachelor trips). I saw myself just being anxious for the entire year and not getting to enjoy the experience, so we made the call to postpone now and hope that our vendors will be understanding and flexible! Also, many couples are starting to book 2022 dates, especially those that wanted 2021 and could not find a date (plus more that will get engaged this holiday season). Waiting until last minute to make the decision to postpone would only make it harder to get a 2022 date that works for you and all of your vendors. We thought it would be best to secure our 2022 spot now and let go of the anxiety. Butttt, if 2022 is not on the table (totally understandable as a 2020 bride) and you would rather just have a small ceremony if your 2021 wedding can’t happen as planned, then perhaps it does make sense to just wait it out, as hard as that is! That way, you don’t lose out on deposits for the small chance that you can host your wedding or maybe your venue will be more open to a refund then. I think 2021 couples that are going to hold off will be faced with last minute decisions to postpone, elope, reduce the guest list, or host a socially distant wedding (unless they’re people who don’t care about the pandemic and live in a state without restrictions). Sorry for the long post, but you are definitely not alone in your thinking! Best wishes!!

View Quoted Comment Agree with both of these responses! I’m in the same boat as the OP (and several others, from what it sounds like), and I’m getting more concerned about it with each month that passes. Sending hugs!

I guess it depends on your view on the covid crisis. If you really care about the coronavirus and everything.... then maybe you should postpone it or cancel it and do what you want with your backyard.

If it's not something you care about catching or other guests care about.... if they wanna be maskless, etc... then you can literally have a regular wedding if you want. I've seen so many people I know throw weddings normally without masks or anything. However, that's a risk just in general bc the virus still exists but people just don't care.

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Oh, my Jersey.

Love my state, currently glaring at the counties keeping the rest of us out of work.

I'm sorry, but I'm mentally preparing to wear masks well into next year, unless things change drastically this winter. It's not fair that people aren't taking it seriously, I know.

I would definitely expect masks, they’ll be around for awhile. As for the dance floor and social distancing I think that it’ll be a little better next year. I think that dancing I’ll be allowed and social distance won’t be required as much but masks will probably still be a thing

I think your concerns are realistic. Like someone else said it really depends on the state. I’m having a wedding in November with 150+ people masks not required/ no social distance in Ohio. We expect if people don’t feel comfortable they won’t be there. States with more concerns like California and New York, I would definitely be concerned as it doesn’t sound like they will open any time soon. Then with vaccines, unless we are required to get it, I don’t think very many people will as there’s still a large crowd on in denial people! I however don’t think anything will change until at least January 2022. I’ve been hearing masks for at least 3 years so in the states I mentioned earlier, I expect it would be harder to have a relaxed wedding

We postponed our October wedding to April, in the South, but we live in the Northeast. I am most concerned about masks and travel restrictions since many of our guests are from the Northeast. I don't think there are any other restrictions where I'm getting married at this time re: group sizes, no dancing, etc.

I am more concerned about the restrictions than the virus at this point, and that depends entirely on where you live and what the leanings of those places are. I'm glad I'm not getting married in the Northeast.

View Quoted Comment Seriously! In my mind back to normal means it's safe to do things normally again, not we can all get close to each other because the government isn't stopping us from doing things.
In the OP's position, I would rather make the choice to postpone again now than to be stressing over the descision for another eight months.