Adult-Only wedding: FI's Aunt/family angry about their 2 kids not coming. All other guests understand 18 rule

Tough titties to FI's Aunt and Uncle. No kids means no kids. This is what bridal balls are made of. Good for you for making it fair across the board. I cared about everybody else's feelings for months and then felt drained AF. Finally stopped caring and just made sure to be fair, use proper etiquette, and host properly and let go of the rest and I'm a lot happier. What's that Aunt Susie? Your'e not happy we had it on that date? Don't care! What's that FSIL your mad you're 5th in line instead of 4th for the lineup? Talk to the hand! ETA: spelling

Then they don't come. Easy peasy.

Don't cave to this because it will create more problems than it solves. (And frankly, the "the kids were excited to come" line is bogus......)

See if they miraculously find a sitter in, um, a year, and if not? They miss it

I invited in circles so technically there are a few kids (between 8 - 13ish) but they are cousins. We are not inviting any cousins' kids though as there are quite a few. It made it easier for us to draw the line and it just so happens we are close to all of our cousins but necessarily their kids, obviously there's a big age gap in cousins.

If you're not inviting your own siblings, there's no way to work in cousins. They have plenty of time to make arrangements, and if they can't come tell them we'll miss you.

My understanding is that if you have a no kids rule it needs to be firm and the only time an exception can be made is if they are in the wedding party which is probably part of why they are suggesting they be ring bearer/flower girl. I don't think you should make an exception and invite the kids, but instead try to help them make arrangements to have the kids watched during the wedding. Do you know anyone in the area that has a kid around that age that could vouch for some good local sitters?

ETA: I wouldn't want to be states away from my kids but would be okay with leaving them with a sitter at a hotel or better yet a local family/friends house if somebody I trusted knew the sitter. That way the kids can make the trip and just not be at the wedding.

You certainly don't have to invite their kids. We did no kids, only had issues with two people. But they also have the right to decline. If they live out of town they may have fewer options. As long as you are ok with that possibility stick with the adults only rule.

Yes! We had this too with H's first cousin. She was sooo upset about her kids, all under 8, not being able to come. She went through her album to find pics of H, when he was 15!, at her wedding and made a whole passive aggressive group chat!!! She lives 45 minutes away, so we offered to find her a local babysitter... all of H's cousins who live 2+ hours away made it work. If your okay with them declining, stick to your guns. If not, your going to have to let your siblings come too, and possible other kids as well.

No kids means no kids. Why can't people respect the wishes of those who are hosting a party or event? It's ridiculous to me that they cannot part with the kids for one evening.

It's your day. Don't let anyone push you around. It was their choice to have him in their wedding so it is your choice to not have kids there at all.

I advise you not to budge on this, stand your ground. Weddings are typically not designed to be child friendly and you shouldnt have to worry about poorly

supervised running all over the dance floor.

We are inviting all family up to the first cousins -after that, there are too many (most of which we never see/talk to/some have not even met). That alone, plus our wedding party, has added up to 200 guests. If we had invited kids, it would be around 260. I feel horrible that my 2 little sisters and nephew are not included, but in reality, they would cling to me the whole night anyway. They always do, even nearly making me late to important events because of it. 1 of the sisters refused to let go of my dress before I had to leave one night, and she nearly ripped it AND made me late! No way I want that at the wedding. My older siblings are invited, and only my dad was about it -which he got over very quickly.

"We will miss you at the wedding."

Do not cave, do not budge. Do not allow your aunt to dictate who is in your WEDDING PARTY.

They have a YEAR to find a sitter. And if they told their kids about a wedding they were going to before they got invited, that is on them

Honestly, I DO NOT understand the "Let's bring our kids to every! little! thing!" mentality. Mine are in college and I was like "Hi mom! Ya busy?" If my mom was attending the same event we got a sitter. Not too hard.

To make matters worse, FI's other aunt just got engaged a couple weeks ago. She is trying very hard to make her wedding be one week before ours! And of course, she made sure to make a big deal out of how she is excited to have all the children there at her wedding. (she is 50s, never married, never wanted to be married, hated kids, etc. But suddenly she is ready to marry a guy who has kids that treat her terribly, and insists her wedding be 7 days before mine? She also informed me that she will give us her old kitchen-ware as our wedding gifts since she will be getting new things at her bridal shower (which is also exactly 1 week before ours???).

We did strictly 21 and up, which is what almost all of the weddings we've been invited to have done.

The only couple (250 invited guests), that didn't have the courtesy to RSVP, boycotted because the centers of their univers weren't invited. I had met the younger one twice and he wouldn't have recognized me. The family has had a nanny since their first child was born. We had a fabulous time without them.

P.S. We didn't give a pass to out of town kids. In most of the cases, we had never met them. Why invite them and not the kids we see multiple times a year?

I don't have any thoughts about the twins, but I would in no way get married without my own siblings, no matter how young. I would wait until I could afford for them to be by my side.

@A.L. I see where you are coming from, and I agree. However, the circumstances are a little wild. My dad remarried to a much younger woman, so he had kids with her after the rest of my siblings and I were 20+. If they were not so young, I would wait. Because they are so young, I would be engaged for 12 or more years and having my wedding when I am in my 40s. By then, my parents might not even be around anymore as they would be quite old. I absolutely will not risk my parents missing my wedding, so I am choosing not to wait for my sisters to get older.

I wasn't implying that you should wait 20 years. I was implying that they are plenty old enough to be at your wedding now. We had a 7 year old, a 6 year old, a 5 year old and a 3 year old (all family), and all of them were wonderful the whole night.

If they would like to pay for your wedding then they can make the decisions. However, you two are paying for it, it is your day, it is your wedding. If they say they can't come because they don't have a sitter then let them know you're sorry to hear that and they will be missed. They have absolutely no business trying to strong arm you for an event that is not about them or that they're paying for. Do not feel bad.

We decided the same thing no children. The only excption was ring bearer and flower girl and they will be leaving after dinner. My fh has plenty of family who have younger children and live out of state ..our reception card clearly states adult only. .

I can't understand not having your siblings either, no matter how young they are. I could definitely see this damaging your relationship as they grow up.