Adult only reception controversy

I had something similar happen. I had a LOT of RSVP issues so well I agree it's not appropriate to put it on the invite, I also know from experience how much time you can end up wasting clarifying things like how many seats are reserved and who it was addressed to.

Some of my family lives a few hours away. Apparently my cousin told my grandmother that she couldn't drive her downstate because her and her brother were bringing friends to the wedding. This was told to my mom. I know it was a tangled game of telephone but I was so stressed about it (because it was like the fifth time I had to address people inviting extras in a week and that is never a not shitty conversation) that I eventually just called my cousin. I said "Hey, this could be misinformation because it's been through a few people but I heard xyz. Is that the case?" She said yes. I explained that the invitation was just for her, her brother and her father and we couldn't accommodate their friends. This was after invites went out but before RSVPs were due.

You know you'll be dealing with her in the future, if you don't see her regularly you may want to reach out and let her know. If she gets upset, she gets upset. You'll have to tell your mother that you aren't going to have children there just so an adult doesn't throw a fit.

This is why I think we reserved ___ seats in your honour is the way to go.

I mean, what is there really to ask at that point?

Don't put "no kids" or any version of that on the invitations. It's a faux pas to put who isn't invited on the invitations.

I agree with the RSVP part, put the number of seats reserved per family, and if they add kids in you'll call them and clarify.

I have three cousins around the same age ~9 years old. Would love to have them at my ceremony, come to the reception venue for some professional family pics, and then be on their way with a babysitter which will probably be way more fun for them anyway. I'm hoping to have my aunt who is local help me on the babysitter front. This is pretty standard in my family; when I was 12 my uncle got married and I handed out programs at the church, took pics during cocktail hour, then hung with my younger sisters, cousins, and a babysitter when the reception started. If you also want these kids in photos and it's not just their mom, maybe you could work something similar out.

I would address it now. Since your mom didn't say anything, she will continue to think it's okay to bring the kids and will probably be even more upset when she finds out later. Nip it in the bud and stay strong. MelissaHH has a good response.

Cara will you see this person before the wedding? If you do bring the conversation to talking about the wedding and drop it in that you are not having children at it. Or tell her that you heard she would love to get all the family kids together sometime for a photo, that it's a lovely idea perhaps at the next birthday party (or something along those lines). I would personally prefer to nip it in the butt.. but you know your family best, regardless stick to your guns.

If you can’t or don’t want to invite the whole family, don’t invite the parents unless you know they’re cool with it. It should be they’re choice whether or not to bring their kids! I really don’t understand why couples would even choose to have an adults only ceremony or reception. Personally I find it rude to invite couples with children to an adults only wedding reception. In our case, my cousin has invited my husband and I to her adults only wedding and reception, when we live 5+ hours away and have 3 kids under 3 ( a 2 year old and 13 mo old twins) and the youngest has severe medical issues, including a gastric tube that we feed her through. Now she also invited my parents, who are really the only ones we feel comfortable leaving our kids with. If my husband wasn’t completely and utterly amazing at managing all the kids alone, I would never even consider going. He encouraged me to go, so I am, but it still pisses me off....obviously.

Ok, so you will be fine in your right to exclude children. My mom made it ALL about her brother's kids, and how they'd be coming from so far away that they would need to be there, or need to be invited. I told her I was not inviting anyones children and we are not having a flower girl/ring bearer. I went through so many back and forth with this on her, and it made me frustrated beyond belief. Well guess what, they decided they weren't coming anyway. So, I had all of this stress abut my uncle MAYBE being upset that his 8 and 3 year old weren't invited, and THEN THEY DECIDED THEY STILL WEREN'T COMING. So you could say "Yeah we've decided we are going to invite children, for the sake of one or all" but in my family, those with kids who were invited, STILL were not coming most likely if their kids were invited. So if you want children there, that is your decision. But don't do it for other people. To me a wedding is no place for a child, they're bored, tired, dressed up, cranky, adults drinking, and partying, and I agonized over this for months. Just address it to mom and dad, I had no issues with people inviting their children.

Hi Cara,

I am having a no kids wedding the only kids that will be there is our kids and the kids in the wedding. I say to address it now do not wait until invitations or save the dates go out the sooner you put the word out the better. I have spread the word to family so they can pass it along so they already know and I will add something in my invitations like" How we do love the little ones , however this is an adult only event" we trying to make it nice and cordial as possible so we will not hurt anyone's feelings. We would like to have the kids there however our budget will not allow it. So do not feel bad of not inviting the kids it's what you want on your day. Congratulations to you and good luck!

Good morning! This is so funny to me because he original post is a year old. We got married this past January. We had no kids besides those in the bridal party and everything went perfectly. I had couples thank me for not inviting their children. My cousin and his wife came without their kids and there was no issue.

Convnersely, we went to a wedding a month ago that did have children and we were reminded of exactly what we didn’t invite children to ours. The kids were so loud during the ceremony that you couldn’t hear the couple exchange vows. They ran amuck on the dance floor and one child even had a meltdown right on the dance floor during dinner.

I lcoe children. And I respect anyone who makes the decision not to invite them, as well as couples who do. It’s your day. You get to choose how you want your wedding and the guests should not dictate that.

Thank you all!

Get back to this person now, before she texts or gets on social media and a bunch of others who assumed no kids, hear she plans to have her kid's photo taken with all the others, and that she told the brides mother. And since no one said no, 10 families who never would have RSVP for kids, will now. Contact by text or phone. Say you were talking to your zmom, and mom mentioned cousin's text. Then say, the reason that only your name and your husband's are on the Save the Date, is that only the two of you are invited, not your children. So it will not be possible to have photographs of your children with other cousin's children, as their children, and yours, are not invited. Do this fast. If you ste lucky, she will grumble to others, and save you the work of straightening people out later. There is absolutely no cause for anyone to be hurt or insulted when any parties or occasions, including weddings and receptions, are planned for adults ( or those old enough to behave like adults) and not for young children. All kinds of things are adult occasions only in this society. They have no reason to assume that because someone else had children at their wedding , you will. And even the most entitled or arrogant of people, who assume everything is going to be the way they want it all the time, needs to hear reality sometimes. I am a parent. We chose to have children. They ate our responsibility. Other people are not responsible for taking care of them, providing for them, or inviting them to parties, unless the hosts want to. People need a reminder. You and SO names are on this . That means you will be invited, not you and anybody else you want to bring. By the time this child is 5, these parents will need to explain to him, that they may have lots of friends who like them, and who they like. But other children and their families can only invite a few people at a time, not all friends, to any party. And when you have friends over, you will only be able to invite maybe 5 or six people. You are not only entitled to restrict who comes to your wedding. But setting reasonable boundaries for these parents might just help them raise their child to understand social boundaries. Meanwhile, if you wait until invitation time, parents may have been promising this child he can come for months, any time adults mention the wedding. Then this child, and others, will be hurt. So correct it now. And they have months to say, just like only mom and dad go to work, this is a party for only mom and dad. And while we are out you will stay with...babysitter, family, whoever. Any hurt feelings will be only the cousin's ego.

Honestly, the earlier the you start telling them the better. As soon as FH and I decided out wedding would be adult only we made it a point to tell our guests who had kids even if it was a year out. The longer you wait the more likely you are to get people telling you that they couldn't find someone to take care of their kid(s), etc. I mean I just find it crazy because usually the ones who complain about kids not being invited and all of that drama are the ones who are quick to post pictures of them and their friends/ significant other without their kids. About 98% of the people we've invited are thrilled about not having to worry about their children while they celebrate the night with us. My Save the Dates reference our website which has a Q's and A's section and we will also be calling these invitees who have children personally so that there are no mix-ups. Neither of our immediate families have small children so we are good with that. Best of Luck to you!