Adult only reception controversy

Personally, I'd put it on the invites.

ETA: clarification. By put it on the invite, I mean put just the adult names. I have reserved two seats.... etc. Most people will get the hint.

Deal with it when invites go out. Address the envelopes the same way and on the RSVP card make sure you have the "2 seats in your honor" filled in (and number the RSVP cards so that way you know who rsvp'd without filling it out properly). Then if people try to add children or extra guests you say something along the lines of "no, if you can't find childcare, you'll be missed" etc etc ETA: don't write no children on the invites. Just address them to "Mr/Mrs/Dr..." and do not write "and family". That is the appropriate way to address individuals/couples and not include children.

Address it now. Explain that the wedding is adults only but don't put it on the invitations

Yes our it on the invites. That should be enough

No, everyone is local with the exception of a few. And the few who aren't do not have kids.

I should add -- that this family member is very vocal, pretty outspoken, and my mom is afraid of upsetting her. I truly don't want to upset anyone, that is not my goal. I don't believe they had children at their wedding (about 10 years ago or so). Family members kind of feel that they have to walk on eggshells with her. I love their kids, but I rarely see them. Were not invited to birthday parties, etc.

Put it on the invites. I just came back from a wedding where the only children there were the ones in the wedding and it was totally fine. I'm all for adults only receptions!

Maybe put "no babysitter on duty - this event is 18+ only, please" or something to that effect on there. True friends and supportive relatives will honor your wishes. Anyone who asks why, use the tried and true, make it sound as though the venue has strict capacity limits or point out how there will be no other children or age-appropriate entertainment for the under 18 crowd. Or if you prefer the more blunt route you could always say "hubby/myself/we do not like children, and would prefer our special day not include them. This is a wedding, not the McDonalds playplace."

If people in your social circle typically invite kids, I would start socializing the idea now that they will not be invited to your wedding. Where I am from, people would assume kids/families are invited unless specifically told otherwise. I've never been to a wedding with no children there.

Cara - could you also point out to them that you enjoyed that couple's adults-only reception so much that you chose to take the same route? If you let him/her/them know you admire their decisions, they could be more likely to honor yours.

I would wait until invites and just address them to the couple only along with the '2 seats reserved in your honor'. If they RSVP for the kids too or call then I would take @Sassi's suggestion and say you really loved the stress free and adult vibe at their wedding and are going to take the same route with no kids. If they can't make it, then say you understand and they will be missed. Hold your ground if she's pushy. Though I don't really think she can be if you serve it on the 'we're doing it because you started something great' platter.

My cousin pulled the same thing years ago. She stated up front she wasn't inviting kids to her wedding, even her husband's nieces. Then when her child was a toddler, my sister married and she thought it perfectly natural to ask to bring him. She thought it was a great idea, so she could introduce him to family members (most of whom already met him).

She also referred to him by a nickname in her e-mail - "the little monster." My sister couldn't respond quick enough - and say NO!

I would address this with her, right now. Tell her in person that children are not accommodated at your wedding. I have a hunch that if this person is as outspoken and headstrong as you say, she will disregard your "we have reserved 2 seats for you" on the RSVP card. If she huffs and puffs and tries to blow your house down, tell her she will be missed. Don't apologize.

You put on the invitations who is invited. Have your mother follow up, or address it if it is brought up again. "She doesn't want to upset them." One of the biggest things you have to accept when planning a wedding, is you will NEVER make everyone happy. This is your wedding, and you've made the decision.

I would totally have made this a conversation/dropped hints in person, but we literally never see them. Saw them last month at another cousins wedding, but barely spoke to them.

What Becky's first reply said!

Just address the invites the way you originally wanted to do and address it if it comes up.

To those suggesting putting it on the invites, that is rude. You never point out who isn't invited, which is why you also shouldn't call these people preemptively and address it now. They haven't said it to you, so as of now, you have no reason to address it.

I agree with Becky in general, but given the person has already said something specifically to your mom, I think you need to give your cousin a gentle heads up. It is not your mom's job to address it.

I'd contact her directly, now. Just call or text her and reference what your mom said, and that you just wanted to make sure before she made plans for kids that you're having an adults only event. I had to do this with my brother yesterday. Just be direct and say it's nothing personal against your kids, but you just don't want any kids there. For us, I said we just don't have the room for everyone's kids. Our guest list would be more than double if we did. The sooner the better as far as addressing it with her.

I would wait until the invites go out. If they change the RSVP to more than 2 people, contact her and say that unfortunately, you can only accommodate her and her husband. Don't apologize and don't justify it. The more you try to give excuses for it (the cost, not enough room, not a child friendly venue, etc), the more she will try to negotiate (I'll pay for it, let me speak with the venue about it, etc.). I went through this with my MIL. She was very upset that her friend's kids were not invited to our wedding, but my two nieces (12 and 2) and nephew (4) were invited (all in the WP). It caused a rift between her and me because she thought I was being "unfair" in allowing my nieces and nephew to come, but no other children. I do not regret our decision to stand firm on this issue. It was when I was dealing with this issue and wondering if we had done something wrong etiquette-wise that I found the WW community.