Adult only affair--Issues with future MOI

My family has been hosting adult weddings since my Mom was a kid - around 50 years ago. My inlaws had 425 guests (no age limit) at their wedding; in their words "everyone they knew." My parents generously paid for our wedding and almost all the costs for our bridal party; the inlaws hosted the rehearsal dinner.

I was almost 100% sure it would be a 21 and over evening, like almost very other wedding I've been invited to. (Hubby really didn't care). My Dad said 2 things, during planning: "It's 21 and up" and "No pay, no say." Mom helped with the planning and wrote the checks; we made all the decisions.

If there was grumbling, it was/would have been ignored, because no one volunteered to pay for kids to be invited, on either side. Our dream venue charged the full adult rate (no discount for 5 hours of open bar) for all guests 13 and up and those under 12, who wanted an adult meal. If kids were invited, they had the right to demand a photo ID, of every guest requesting an alcoholic beverage, with the right to shut-down the bar, if anyone under 21 was caught trying to order, or drinking one.

Oddly enough, a few years before our wedding my now BIL was talking to my Mom, while she was doing him a favor. He said very nastily "I'm sure my grandmother expects all her grandchildren to be invited to the wedding." When he married a few years after us, they also decided on 21 and up. (Not surprisingly, there were no more favors given).

P.S. We didn't put it on our invitations, though. They had bellybands, with the guest names printed on it. Save the dates went out 10 months before the wedding, with the invited guest names on them. Only 2 couples of 250 guests had issues with it. One couple couldn't secure a babysitter and the other couple boycotted and didn't even have the courtesy to RSVP (and they had a nanny).

No matter who says what, you can answer "I'm sorry you feel that way, but our decision has been made."

'my future MOI approached me and told me that not inviting children was "in bad taste" on my part. '

Adult only weddings are not bad taste, interfering in other people's wedding plans and giving your opinion where it's not wanted on the other hand...

Team no kids! I've had a couple of snarky comments from people, but for the most part, it's been well received. Sorry she's trying to make you feel guilty or something. I'd kindly tell her shove her "bad taste" comment up her ass.

MOI? Not sure about that acronym. Anyway you really shouldn't have put "adults only" on the invite, but I'm team kids so.

I think she means MIL

I've been telling people our venue restricts children, as they have it on the website and said it was ok for me to use them that way. If anyone presses, I then said they can bring the kid...as their plus 1 instead of their significant others. That usually stops the conversation.

I'm team kids BUT it's your decision. I would stand firm with what YOU want.

I've had some family make the comment "well I'm not sure if I'll be able to come then since you're not allowing children"

Um that's fine!

Your decision on this is yours alone to make. Most of my family is expecting an adult only affair. Every wedding on my moms side has been adult only with the exception of breast feeding babies and kids who were in tbe wedding.

MOI - mother of intended

You've sent your invites out about 6 weeks too early, but alas too late now. Have your FH deal with his mother, and don't worry about it. You've made your decision, your FH just has to back you up.

No pay no say. End of story!

I don't have strong feelings either way about child-free weddings. I do, on the other hand, have strong feelings about people interjecting their opinions about who should and should not be invited to the wedding.

"I'm sorry you feel that way FMIL, can you pass the bean dip please?"

My newphew is having an adult only wedding which means 2 of my 3 daughters won't be able to attend because they have newborns and are breastfeeding (one will be 4 mos and the other 3 weeks old). No exception being made for infants and it's half way across the country from us. The venue is a camp with no area for a sitter to watch the babies that has a bathroom (bunk houses with toilet/showers in another building). We are disappointed they can't come but respect the decision of the bride and groom.

Okay, I'm going to be honest. It was in bad taste to put "adult only affair" on your invitations. There are lots of threads/posts on here about that. But....what's done is done. Regarding your FMIL, just stand your ground and be firm. It is your day, and it is perfectly reasonable to limit it to the children who are actually in the wedding. People with children can make arrangements for childcare, or they can decline the invitation. It's pretty simple, really.

What is her reason for it being "in bad taste"? Children (or anyone really) do not deserve or require an invitation to an event that their parents are invited to just because they exist. I have two children and never would assume they were invited to something, nor would I judge the hosts of an event for not inviting my children.

If she keeps bringing it up, have your FH tell his mother that you've both made your decision and the issue of children being invited or not is not up for discussion. If she continues to speak, physically remove yourself from the room so that she understands that you're both done talking about it.

It is bad taste to put no children on the invitation. That's standard etiquette and there are a gazillion threads on WW about that. All you do is invite the adults. You don't invite the kids. Make sense? The only people invited to an event are the people that the invitation was actually extended to. Should a recepient be rude and try to add a guest (child or not) or calls to add their child(ten), all you have to do is say that the invitation was extended to X and Y only-I really hope that you'll be able to join us. Super easy!

I didn't say it was in bad taste to not invite children. It's not. It IS bad taste to send an invitation that says adults only!

Team no kids. Despite the many threads on WW, I also have no issue with "Adult Only Affair" on the invite or details cards.

"I'm sorry you feel that way". "If that means you can't make it, I'm sorry to hear that, we'll miss you!"