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Just Said Yes June 2013

absentee father of the bride

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brooke, on May 12, 2013 at 9:48 PM

My parents have been divorced since I was a baby and I've had little contact with my father. He always sends birthday cards and we've visited back and forth a few times, but he's never been there emotionally, financially, physically, etc. I'm getting married in a few months and my father is attending. My brother is walking me down the isle and we're having a brother sister dance. I haven't included my father in any of the wedding party plans. I don't want to hurt his feelings but I don't know what else to do. Do I need to get him a boutineer or acknowledge him publicly in some way at the wedding? What about photos? Ugh!

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Just Said Yes April 2017
Marcy · on June 27, 2015 at 5:21 PM
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Thank you so much for this post and discussion thread!! My father has largely been absent from my life, although we've had some contact in recent years. Still, given his role in my life and the nature of our relationship, I don't feel comfortable including him in my wedding in any significant way...If I did, I wouldn't be true to myself and it would feel fake and forced, which I don't want during my wedding day! My fiance agrees with me on this whole heartedly. I will invite him, and give him a boutonniere, but I think I'm going to do a "first look" and walk down the aisle with my fiance, and skip the father-daughter/mother-son dances all together. Ultimately it all comes down to what you're comfortable with and what you feel is right for you and your fiance on your day.
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Just Said Yes August 2016
Lauren · on March 15, 2016 at 9:17 AM
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Marcy I think you are spot on. I really do not see the point in spending so much time honoring someone who made the decision not to be in our lives. That's their choice. They made it. A natural consequence of that is to not be honored at big life events, because they haven't done anything to deserve that esteemed honored position, nor have they done anything to help us get to that place. When i searched for absentee father wedding stuff, I really was hoping to find a way to honor the people who were in our lives and did make a difference in getting us to this place. As for the absentee dads, they just do not deserve it.
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