absentee father of the bride

If he's never been a father to you I wouldn't worry about including him or worry about hurting his feelings. He should feel honored that you invited him!

Personally, I think it would be nice to have some kind of dance with him. It may be a nice way to begin some healing towards a better relationship.

I politely disagree with Tom. I would feel weird having a dedicated dance with a near stranger, even if he is my dad.

My dad has disappointed me a few too many times, so I am walking the aisle alone, and skipping the dance. It would be too awkward dancing with him, because I just don't have that relationship with him.

Really, it is totally up to you whether you want him mentioned in any programs or given a bout. You have to really dig deep and decide that for yourself. I had a very hard time deciding the above decisions, but I feel confident that I am doing what is right for me and my wedding.

I politely agree with Trena There's no obligation by any means. It's a very personal decision. It's your day and it's important to guide things in a way to keep it one of joy.

That said, if there was a desire for mending fences, sometimes being the first to reach out has its rewards. But one's own heart will do what's best at any given time.

You all make good points. Tom, I would like to mend the rift, but he is very much a stranger to me. I wonder if asking him to dance, instead of having a formal dance announced, would help. I think it would be awkward to include him in pictures, although I would kike to have maybe a less formal picture with him

It's all about what YOU are comfortable with. Don't go out of your way to make him feel special unless you really want to.

MY father chose not to be a part of my life. For that reason, he is invited, he will receive a boutonniere. However, he will not be acknowledged in any way.

In my opinion, a father gets to walk his daughter down the aisle because he walked with her through life. And he gets a father/daughter dance because he gets to rejoice in her new life.

Yes indeed Brooke. There's no need for a formal announcement by any means, And I was seriously agreeing with Trena. It's what you want and are comfortable with. There's no wrong answer

At my sister's wedding, she did a dance with her godfather/uncle who had a MUCH bigger part of raising both of us than our father did, and our mom walked her down the aisle. At my wedding, my mom is walking me down, and I'm doing a mother-daughter dance instead. I haven't decided about the boutineer yet (my sister did get him one). One compromise she did do, and I probably will, is that we did a "rehearsal dinner" with his side of the family--the night before the actual rehearsal dinner, her, her then-fiance, me and my then-boyfriend went out to eat with Dad and his brothers and sisters (who we hadn't seen in about 10 years). I think that made him feel acknowledged at least a bit. FWIW, he did contribute fairly significantly to her wedding, so my sister did feel like she "owed" him something. But I echo other posters--you do what feels right for you. No one but you knows what will feel right and appropriate for your day.

He hasn't offered to contribute at all to the wedding and I won't ask him to. I don't imagine he expects me to do anything special for him but I would hate to hurt his feelings. I'm just not sure what I'll do.

I would at least be corgail. (never could spell that word lol) and take a photo with him. for his sake. it may be the break he needs. he knows he messed up but you should know its not your fault for what happened. he probably wasn't ready or maybe your mom didn't actually allow him. u may have been there but were too young. so i say just be corgail u never know when he may die so just give him a chance.whats the worst that can happen..he doesnt show up.. u dont have to make an announcement or dance with him, but do invite him and show him respect even if you call him by his first name. sit and talk with him, find out his side. it could change your entire view of things. but remember it takes two to tango. thats not just true for that but there are 2 sides to every story.hope this helps!

at lori h:ur getting married on my 26th birthday =)

Girl I kinda feel ya. My father was a part of my life for about 9 weeks in person. One week after I was born, and the 8 weeks I lived with him at 19. He kicked me out bc I was working 2 part time jobs, not one full time(60 hrs combined), and he came home and heard me having phone sex allegedly. He's my I'm, "father" on FB and tags me in awkward statuses Andy mom had to go so far as to block him. They ain't talked in 23 years.

Here's the kicker...he's said he is going to be the band for our wedding. He'll probably disappoint me, bc he always does.y hopes aren't up. But, I plan on doing a dance with my then-5 year old. He will be acknowledged as my father if he shows, but that's it. Same goes with fmil. They don't hold special places for us, and beyond being acknowledged as biologicals, they won't be recognized for anything. Suck it.

@ amy same page. Lets drink over it

@amy and Soon to be Mrs. Z, pour me a drink too. I am in the same boat. My "father" isn't getting an invitation either.

I wasn't going invite my deadbeat dad but his mother (who's my strength) wants him there. So in honor & respect to her I reluctantly invited him. It took him a few weeks before he acknowledged by invite. Then she said, he is suppose to walk you down the isle too. I compromised on that decision and decided to have my "dad" and the man that was apart of my life, my uncle both walk me down the isle. I haven't thought about the dance. I'm not sure if I can't do both.

Unfortunately, I am going through the same thing as you. My father has always lived 30 minutes down the road but we go years without seeing each other because..well...he's an ass hole I did invite him to the wedding but have yet to receive an RSVP (invites went out a month ago) or even a "congratulations". I have to say, it does hurt even though I try not to let it bother me. I am having a mother-daughter dance because she really is my rock and she and her husband will be walking me down the aisle. I won't be giving my dad a flower or really any recognition-I just wish girls like us didn't have to be worried about things like this on our wedding day--it's supposed to be happy!! Just because he has the genetics of being your father doesn't mean he deserves any special treatment. Just my thoughts..

Me and my biological father have never been on good terms and I called myself being letting him know I was getting married but I'm still not sure if I want to invite him. My 'dad' who's really my sisters father has been acting dumb since I got engaged and has made it known he will be mad if he doesn't walk me down the aisle( which he's not). To me that honor goes to who raised you and pays for the wedding which is my mother.

I have the same thing but with my mom. She is not coming to the wedding at all. awesome...Mom of the Year award. If he has not been a father to you, he shouldn't get the perks of it. He can't just be your father when its convenient or he gets something out of it.

I thought I was the only one going through this. I haven't decided who will walk me down the aisle. I don't have a relationship with my real dad and I have a step dad too. I am torn by deciding who I would choose. @Latrice D I agree 100 % with you. I would love to have mom escort me but she had a stroke and have difficulty walking so that maybe won't work for me. I share the same last name as my step father and he did give my some money when I needed it. So I was going to pick my stepdad but I'm going back and forward with it. I guess I decide before next year. @ Brooke I feel your pain. Good luck with everything!!

I have a similar story. Mine left us when I was a baby and didn't come around until I was 12, then it was two cards every year, birthday and Christmas. We email once in a while (usually just to make sure we have each other's addresses, lol).

When I started planning the wedding, people were wondering if he would walk me down the aisle. I said that he didn't deserve that right and that I would have my FFIL to do it instead if I really wanted someone (instead he's marrying us). I decided to not include him in anything but being invited. I don't think he expects more than that. He also hasn't offered to pay for anything either (he's pretty well off).