We're here to help you keep moving forward, no matter what your plans are.

Brandi
Beginner September 2020

a wedding guest's girlfriend use to hook up with the groom

Brandi, on May 25, 2020 at 2:20 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 27

A close friend of the groom is dating a girl who once was involved in an intimate relationship with the groom. They just hit their 1 Year but are not engaged. The Save the Dates went out and she is not invited. There is a negative history between me (the Bride) and this girl. I don't feel...
A close friend of the groom is dating a girl who once was involved in an intimate relationship with the groom. They just hit their 1 Year but are not engaged. The Save the Dates went out and she is not invited. There is a negative history between me (the Bride) and this girl. I don't feel comfortable with her attending. Do I have to/should I invite her? tenor.gif



27 Comments

  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari
    • Flag

    Every situation is different. If you, the bride, don't get along with this girl, or she was really horrible to the groom and they have bad blood, that's one thing, but I would not just cross a guest off a list solely because they had a physically intimate relationship with the bride or groom in the past. If I think back to how incestuous the dating relationships between some friend groups were in high school, a blanket rule like that could potentially eliminate a lot of guests from some people's weddings!

    Save the Dates aren't exactly the end-all be-all of who is invited to your wedding. You may have addressed the STD to just the groom's friend, but as a couple you could still decide to include his GF when the invitations go out. I would take the four so or months between now and then to assess what impact including, or not including, this girl would be. If you are having a big wedding and she isn't prone to cause drama, you may very well not even notice she is there. If she's someone who likes to be the center of attention and you are planning a more intimate affair with just your closest friends, having her there might feel really out of place.

    In general, I feel that established couples should be invited as a social unit and you don't invite one person without the other. This is pretty standard etiquette. Dating for a year is certainly grounds for a serious relationship, so not inviting this woman will definitely be seen as an intentional slight on your part. Be ready for the friend to decline the invitation, and don't expect him to just let it slide - this is a move that could potentially damage the friendship between the groom and his close friend.

    • Reply
  • Brandi
    Beginner September 2020
    Brandi
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Leanne, thanks for your input! Yes, it took me a year to even ask this on a public forum, because it is such a tough situation lol My Mom was telling me to get over it and not be rude. I'm on the side of "but it's my wedding day!" Definitely a tough situation, but I think we can all agree that is the one day all about the Bride & her Groom. I think even this girl would understand once she's planning her own wedding. Good luck with your wedding!
    • Reply
  • Brandi
    Beginner September 2020
    Brandi
    • Flag
    Thank you everyone who was on my side and for understanding my sense of humor! The meme was just to add light to the situation. Thanks to those who said I don't have to justify my feelings and to invite who I want. Really appreciate it ladies 馃挄
    • Reply
  • Fmv
    Super October 2020
    Fmv
    • Flag
    Most would consider it rude if you didnt invite her...but if you and your fiance dont feel comfortable with her being there then that is your answer. You invite who you want at your wedding
    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Yeah I totally don鈥檛 blame you. You shouldn鈥檛 have to have anyone there who would upset you to see. It鈥檚 one thing to not invite someone鈥檚 significant other because you don鈥檛 know them or something (and in that case I鈥檇 say you should invite them as a courtesy to the friend) BUT if you have reason to actively dislike her I don鈥檛 think you need to have her there. I鈥檓 just saying be prepared for the friend to be potentially unhappy about his girlfriend not being invited.
    • Reply
  • N
    Savvy August 2021
    Naoomi
    • Flag
    It鈥檚 definitely your day and I don鈥檛 think etiquette is a huge deal if it鈥檚 something that makes you uncomfortable. I don鈥檛 understand why people aren鈥檛 understanding of that. Yes grow up and move at some point fine, but you absolutely do not have to do that on your own wedding day. If they are close buds I pray his friend understands and it sounds like he鈥檇 have some other guys to mingle with. You don鈥檛 need to be reminded of any of that, I guess I鈥檓 just shocked by how many people are saying yes you need to pay for this person at your wedding that you do not want there super weird. Wishing you all the best 馃挄I鈥檇 love to know what you鈥檝e decided in a few months with the groom.
    • Reply
  • Brandi
    Beginner September 2020
    Brandi
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Thank you so much! I so appreciate your feedback and thoughtfulness 馃挄 I definitely think this forum has helped me make my decision to not invite this person. I can just be cordial with them both moving forward. Thanks again!
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×