A Practical Wedding

I love that usually. I have seen some questionable advice though. I haven't seen the article you are talking about yet.

Not feeding your guests is a definite faux pas. I don't care what some blog tells me. Wow. The nerve of some people.

That is ridiculous and insulting, not practical.

It was very bizarre. And the sub heading was something like "Sticking to your guns...." It just really struck me as, "But it's my day!" Particularly because the bride had shelled out for gown, tux, DJ, photographer, etc. And she said part of her reasoning was she wanted to eat beforehand, because she had this dream of her and her groom all dressed up and sharing a pizza. The story was a ramble and...weird. Clearly it has stayed with me!

She is wrong. When you throw a wedding, you are *hosting* a party. You do not have the right to be a crappy host simply because you are getting married. It is wrong to invite people to an event and not feed them, and it is especially worse to not feed them if they have travelled a great distance and spent a lot of money to be there.

If you cannot afford to properly host people, you should not be inviting them.

Is this what you're talking about?

http://apracticalwedding.com/2014/10/wedding-no-dinner/

I think the author isn't feeding guests a full dinner, but she is having refreshments and clearly stated that on the invites.

You're right, Fluffy, she is serving cake. Honestly what rubbed me the wrong way most was the site runner coming on and IN ALL THE CAPS talking down to people suggesting she needed more for a 5 hour evening reception. Sounded to me lIke the commenters were providing useful, politely worded advice.

Bottom line-- you can do what you want, and it doesn't hurt to ask people, "Would you come from out of town for this style of wedding?" The LW got her answer-- that the PW owner would not want to fly across the country for just a ceremony (which is funny if you think about it. Did I really just pay $700 for a meal cause I was willing to fly across the country to my brother's wedding?).

The definition of properly hosting is different for different people. I'd never think of having a party over the dinner hour or a meal time without serving some kind of meal.

what time was this celebration? was there any refreshments at all? personally I've never heard of a gathering with no refreshments at all, but still people's choice what they want to do, and people's choice if they want to attend.

if people want to attend a celebration and they live far away, travel is part of the deal.

whether I would expect food would depend on how long the festivities would be planned for.

if it's for several hours and it's keeping you over a meal time, then it's not very practical to expect people to stay around and go without eating.

that to me is the guidelines of what will be served and what will not be served.

people can choose to serve a meal or not, and if they don't want to then you set the time accordingly.

You can do whatever you want, just don't be surprised if other people don't want it. And decline.

The "wedding" (it was actually just a party, they were married months before) was at 7pm which most people consider part of dinner time.

Instead of "first look" photos, new wife & hubby could have pics taken as they eat a small pizza and then eat with their guests or eat a large pizza and spend their eating time going table to table to greet guests. Why should the guests starve just because she wants photos taken of her & groom eating pizza?!?!?!

I like that site a lot and what articles I have read seemed like sound advice. As a general rule I don't read comment sections but I'll have to go check it out. I hate to think the APW lady Meg would be rude to her readers! I've really enjoyed what articles I've read on that site

"You can do whatever you want, just don't be surprised if other people don't want it. And decline."

if someone doesn't want to be a part of it, then declining is exactly what I would want then to do.if I'm having a gathering they wouldn't enjoy, then they should spend their time elsewhere.

as for APW, I've noticed some of this too. I think the site is trying to transition to something more commercial. there's still helpful stuff on there, but it's not like it used to be.

oh well, it was useful and fun while it lasted!

I'm surprised the bride was surprised that people were declining her invitation. Think about it. You have your regular monthly bills and then you get an invitation to a party. It turns out the wedding was six months ago, and the couple's nearest and dearest were invited to that. You weren't. But hey, here's your opportunity to take a few days off of work, pay for airfare for you and your SO to travel to another city, pay for two nights in a hotel, and leave a nice envelope with cash. And guess what? There isn't any dinner, but you'll get some wedding cake. Really? Is it that surprising that alot of people are going to find excuses to decline that?

My sense is that they can't make it WITHOUT being a commercial site, so their previously edgy advice has turned a corner since they are capitalists just like the rest of us.

There was an 'alternative' officiant in my area who bashed officiant for charging outrageous prices until she found that she couldn't live on 200.00 ceremonies. And she raised her prices.

I think the point is, if people are offended that dinner isn't being served, or that it's a big hassle to attend, they don't have to attend? I could be wrong though... Personally, I would expect a lot of declined invitations if I was inviting people across the country for some cake!