A not so reliable Maid of Honor

No, you're not being ridiculous. If she says yes and then flakes out on you, that says a lot about her intentions/quality of friend. This is one of the most important days of your life and your MOH should be there for you! Has she backed out on you on important events before, or just on a series of smaller things? Either way, proceed with caution.

I feel your pain bc mine hasn't done a thing to help me w/the wedding though I've helped her/done favors for her whenever she needed me. Which is why I am going to do away with the MOH title and just have all bridesmaids as my sisters, from 8hrs away, have been way more help than her.

You aren't bieng ridiculous. However, learn from many of the other brides on this site- don't ask your bridal party this early in your planning!

She has been your best firend for 27 years! How important is it to have her next to you?

And what are expecting out of your MOH? With the excpetion of showing up the day of, with the selected dress on- she has no other obligations.

I just expect her to be there on the most important day of my life. I don't expect her to do anything else. I would prefer if my sister(matron of honor) would throw my bachelorette party, just because she's older and knows a lot...idk My sisters are in my wedding and I have 3, so if she backs out...idk lol we shall see. I may ask her later this year.

My BFF is my MOH too.. Luckily, she is pretty reliable, but I know that the rest of my bridal party would be willing to pick up the slack if she didn't for any reason If you trust your other BMs maybe you could encourage them to be more involved than you would have normally expected, if they are good friends they probably will have no problem throwing you a bridal shower, helping you with projects or whatever it is you would usually expect from the one MOH. She would just hold a title as a MOH which would entitle her the honor of standing next to you and holding his ring.

Just make your sis the maid of honor and your bff the matron of honor and tell bff the truth and that way ur friendship is safe. You love her but there's anything stress on your plate than to worry about a grown woman.

My bff isn't married, my sister is.

I didn't know that was a tradition. I just think that a bride should be spoiled on her day and before I let any more unnecessary mishaps happen, some traditions would have to be broken.

I don't have any traditions. I just figured since my sister is married she would be the "matron" of honor, and since my bff isn't she's the "maid" of honor. That is what I was told by family members.

I had a similar situation when I asked my 'best friend' to be a BM. She kept making excuses and being very flakey. I have known her 15 years...so I cant say her behavior shocked me. Regardless, theres still some situations that you hope and pray the person will prove you wrong and not disappoint. In my case it destroyed our friendship

You are not wrong. I know how you feel. Just let her know how you feel. She has to know that it is importnat for her to be your maid of honor.

If I were you, I would have a serious talk with her before asking her to be your MOH since it could really damage your friendship. My BFF is also really flaky and I asked her to be my MOH because I thought, this is my wedding she can't possibly flake on this! Well, I'm about 95% sure she's going to flake on the wedding and it's causing so much stress on me not knowing for sure. I keep asking her and I get the "oh yea, I'll look at flights next week and I'll look at dresses later". If I had thought harder about this I would've just had my brother being my Man of Honor. Good Luck!

I actually had a best friend of mine back out of my wedding ... her excuse I'll have a 2 month old ... ummm yeah ... understandable, but that didn't mean I wasn't miffed, but I got over it ... Now she avoids me like the plague ... I guess that says a lot about her friendship huh?

My childhood best friend was also going to my Matron of Honor but I decided to just put her as a BM because well she doesn't have the money or the time to handle being the MOH so if she backs out, I'm not screwed ...

Girl, after all the years you've known her, if you can't tell your BFF how you feel, then something is wrong. Ask her if she wants to be part of the bridal party (don't tell her MOH or Matron). Tell her what it would entail: buying a dress, helping to plan a shower, being there with you for fashion decisions, decor help, etc. Let her say, "No way - can't do it!" or "Absolutely, I'd love to!" Do remind her that you would be counting on her to help during the long process of wedding planning.

Frankly, if I were you, I'd make her a bridesmaid given her past. This way, you won't be too disappointed should she bow out. Make your sister the MOH and leave it at that. It's just a person who is like a second mother figure or an older friend who is already married who could give you advice during your life - like a Godmother. Not really needed unless you really have someone to fill that responsible role.

I am in a similar situation. I feel like it's "damned if you do, damned if you don't." My "BFF" and I have drifted a lot, she flakes out, and seems to always need a favor. I feel like if I don't ask her to be a part of the wedding, it will solidify our separation. However, if I ask her and include her but she does follow tradition and flake out or act like she is doing me the largest favor of all time just to put on a dress and show up - that will not be good either.

Depending on your wedding party, maybe you can just keep your sister in? Do you want to have other attendants that will be BM's and leave her wondering what is going on?

I've seen advice on here before that you can always announce your party when you're ready (no need to rush) and she will get the pic when she hasn't yet been asked. I'm not sure if that would work for me, but just wanted to repeat past posts for perspective. I think I will end up deciding to be frank with the girl.

I can always tell my BFF how I feel I just don't know how to say it without hurting her feelings. I don't want to be like "well you're not reliable so Imma make you a BMs instead of my MOH, that way you don't screw me over" I just need to know how to word it without offending her

I understand. Maybe you can try the approach of asking her to simply be a BM and not say anything about the Maid of Honor spot unless she pointedly asks?

I think if you are going to make her a BM and your sister the Matron there won't really need to be an explanation unless you have already indicated to her you wanted her to be the Maid (but I think you said earlier you never said anything like this to her yet).

Plenty of people have their sisters as an MOH just for the sake of family. I'm considering my cousin for the same reason because I don't have a sister...

27 years is a long time to love someone, I think it would be sad for a friendship that long to end over this.

Because you know her, you can first, relay the fact to her, regarding how important this day is to you. Trust me, if you know she's unreliable, she knows she's unreliable; so telling her won't be anything new to her. Just let her know that you have concerns with how unreliable she potentially be. Tell her that you will give her an oppurtunity to "show/prove", but in the event she doesn't, she will have to be replaced. This way, there are no surprises. I hope things work out, good luck!