A Memorial for my Mom on our Wedding day

Maybe unpopular opinion but I love the videos/slideshows/old pictures at weddings. I think that would be a beautiful way to honor your mother and make her a part of your special day, but I bet there won't be a dry eye in the room!

My brother passed 3 years ago and just the thought of having a slideshow of him and I makes my heart hurt. If anyone else tried to do this at their wedding and I wasn't prepared for it beforehand It would be hard to keep my composure. I really recommend checking with everyone closest to your mom before diving into something like this. (if you haven't done so already)

If it were me, I would skip it. The picture memorial seems really sweet on its own.

ETA - words and clarity

Hi Lauren - first, I'm sorry for your loss.

I like the idea of the picture and candle, but I do not think the video during the reception is a good idea. Personally, I would find that depressing.

I have lost several loved ones over the past several years, and most recently I lost my dear cousin January 2016. I am only putting her picture on my bouquet. Also, my RSVP due date is her birthday (it worked out that it's also 2 weeks before final numbers are due). As far as FH is concerned, he lost his best friend on 9/11, and his grandmother about 5 years ago - he's not doing anything.

We want our wedding to be a celebration of our marriage, not a memorial service. Anything more than what I'm doing will make it hard for me to carry on. I know people are doing articles of clothing, and pictures on empty chairs, but I can't imagine seeing that out of the corner of my eye as I'm trying to say my vows. My cousin's death is still fresh for me - especially since she died a few days after we became engaged, and I don't want to do anything more. I also don't think she'd want me to.

Ultimately, you do what you want to do, but yes, please think about your guests.

eta: I'm not a fan of slideshows during a wedding anyway. I mean, unless it's being played throughout, and not shown at a time where guests are sort of forced to sit and watch it. I think in this day and age with everyone on some form of social media, I've seen plenty of pics of the bride and groom throughout the years and I don't need to see more at the wedding.

I think 2 videos is too much honestly, especially if you plan on also having speeches. It's a lot of time for everyone to be paying attention. I'd prefer the video of you and FH, and maybe a table with the candle and a picture of your mom near the guest book

Hi Lauren. I lost my mom in October of 2015, so I understand how the loss lingers, and have been struggling with how I want to celebrate/honor/acknowledge her absence during my wedding and celebration.

As others have said, I think it may be overwhelming (even for you) to watch a video during what should be a joyous occasion. I think the picture will be a great idea (I am doing a small table to honor those are no longer with us (grandparents, aunts, and mother), but am framing it in terms of the foundation on which we were built.

Another thing you may consider is wearing something that belonged to her (I will be wearing one of her bracelets on the wedding day (and during the rest of the weekend's festivities, I will wear her wedding ring (as I always do) just to have her near).

Sorry for your loss. I can truly empathize with how difficult it is to not have your mom there for your day (and the planning).

Do you have anything if your mom's you could incorporate into your attire? It doesn't have to be from her wedding garments. Maybe some buttons you can sew onto your dress, or a handkerchief to hold with your flowers? Something like that, along with a nice framed photo of your mom would be lovely.

I think the video would be really depressing and would make the reception really sad for everyone involved. I think the candle and picture is really nice.

Thank ya'll so much for responding! Side note: This was my first discussion, and it's nice to know I am not alone in this! Back to the point: I never thought about it that way.. I think what I have come up with after reading everyone's post is to just do the video of my FH and I, but since it's going to show me as a baby anyway, i'll purposely put in photos that have my mom and me together. But not too many! Just a couple, but it will be subtle. Then maybe at the end of 7-10min video, it could say in Memory of (in small lettering).. but it will still be a video of my FH and I. That way I don't have to one many videos and it won't be depressing. Just a thought anyway... I would also have it showing while everyone is eating. I'm going to be rushing to get on the dance floor LOL so I'll be making sure to not extend the toast and things like this outside of eating time.

I also want to say sorry to all of you who have lost someone close. It's never an easy thing to deal with, and a wedding only heightens those emotions, but I appreciate your condolences and ideas very much! I also plan on having a small photo of her to hang off my bouquet, and my something "Old" is a tiny white bible that my Grandmother, mom and sister have held as they walked down the isle. I think those are great ways to honor her without completely turning this wedding into a memorial. She will technically be in the video out of default since baby pictures will be shown, but I think ya'll are right in not doing a whole video dedicated to her, and your also right that she probably wouldn't want me to do that anyway.

And that's crazy about the cake!! But I guess to each it's own. Eeck!

Thank you all again!

Lauren I think that's a great compromise.

Thanks Nicole! I'm glad you agree.

And CatLady5x, I forgot about that! The reverend at our wedding did say he would do a minute of silence for my mom and my FH's Grandfather.. But love how yours is worded. Thank you for the share!

I had planned to share this when I got my pro pics back and did my BAM, but I lost my grandmother the week of my wedding. We did not do a memorial table for her (I had several relatives ask if I was going to). The thing is, I feel like had we done one for her, we would have needed to do one for the eight other grandparents DH and I had also lost throughout our lifetime, two of which had also been lost that year and it would have been painfully obvious they were omitted from any kind of memorial. It also would have looked like a funeral home, and not a wedding. I had previously decided not to do any memorials because it was just too sad. The thought of putting nine memorials together in a matter of days was terrifying and I stuck to my decision. My oldest cousin was so supportive of my decision and thought processes. When she had asked of I was going to do any kind of memorial for our grandmother, her number one concern was letting me know that she and her family were showing up that weekend to celebrate life because our grandmother's life was blessed and my marriage was part of that. We kept talking and I knew that I still wanted to do something to honor our grandmother. I decided that I simply wanted to ask my DJ to dedicate a song to her during the reception. I asked him to be careful with the wording, and not bring down the mood by announcing "the bride's grandmother died this week so we're going to dance to a song she used to sing all the time!" Instead, he mentioned who it was for because she couldn't be with us tonight and explained that it was a song she used to sing and hum all the time around her family. I asked him to play the Ray Charles version of "You Are My Sunshine" so it would still be a little jazzy and not be entirely out of place. It was a way to take a moment to honor her and feel like she was with us that day, but still be doing something joyful because it was a joyful occasion. I think it's okay to remember those we wish could be there with us on our wedding day, but I think it's important to remember that they would want us to enjoy the day and not turn things into a memorial service for them. Simple is good.

I'm so sorry for your loss! My FH just lost his mother last month, and his dad 4 years ago. I've been looking for ideas similar, that didn't seem too sad. Pinterest has some good ideas if you do a search, such as making a sign in a frame with a quote about loved ones no longer here watching over you, or this lantern is lit for...; things like that.

Im sorry for your loss. My FH lost his dad to cancer 4 years ago. We are going to do a picture, candle and a saved seat for him. My FH didn't want a video because he said the day will be emotional for him already not having him there. I'm having a locket with his dads picture pinned inside his tux jacket to have close to his heart.

I short:

"too sappy/depressing?" Yes

"I don't want to make my guest feel uncomfortable." I would be.

We went to a family wedding last year, and an uncle's widow wasn't even able to attend; she was too emotional, after her husband's death. The rest of his family attended.

When the groom gave a speech and mentioned guests by name, who weren't there to celebrate, the uncle's whole family broke down crying.

Please find another way ...

Thank you for the responses, and I am so sorry for all of your losses as well! I will not be doing the video anymore, because it's clear that it's not the best route to take. Instead we will just do one video of my FH and I starting off as baby's and making it to where we are now. By default my mom will be in those baby pictures, and I think that will be tribute enough aside from what I am doing in the ceremony for her (a picture and candle, and a moment of silence). At the end of the video, it will also say, in memory of (in small print).. But that way it's not BAM in your face kind of thing. I really love your idea Staci, to put his dads picture pinned inside his tux by his heart. That was very thoughtful! I will have my mom's picture on my bouquet, along with a small white bible that she walked down the isle with as my "Something Old". Thank you all again for your great advice!

I think that if you are wanting to have a video, then it is a good compromise to play the one with your FH and you as children. I think that will keep things a bit more positive for guests.

I am always on team 'less is more', even in cases of tremendous loss, and losing a parent is pretty much the definition of that. I'm sorry for that tragedy in your life.

I love the picture tables (not just of people lost), i love the bouquet and shoe charms, flowers that represent the beloved, candles too. I have had couples wear everything from sneakers to wedding rings to veils to cufflinks.

The empty chair is far too graphic, and other people will be affected too. I'm glad you decided against the video. I think that would be very difficult for anyone who knew her, and it IS a celebration, not a memorial. Any idea you decide to pursue should be floated by the other people who were close to her.

Good luck, and big hugs.