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Savvy December 2019

a fiesty sister of the groom

Elizabeth, on July 13, 2018 at 1:05 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 23

I need some advice here... my future husbands sister is a bit challenging. She is the same age as myself but there is a huge maturity difference there. She likes to find small things to debate over and she is intense about it. Even during a casual conversation she will find something you said and...
I need some advice here... my future husbands sister is a bit challenging. She is the same age as myself but there is a huge maturity difference there. She likes to find small things to debate over and she is intense about it. Even during a casual conversation she will find something you said and twist your words and begin to debate until there is a screaming match, which I never participate in. She doesn’t have a job and complains much about how expensive everything is. She is an extreme feminist and doesn’t wear make up, or shave her armpits or legs. I am not that close to her and neither is the groom, however it would hurt her feelings and my mother in laws feelings if we do not include her in our wedding party. The groom doesn’t really want her in the party but I don’t want to start our marriage with his family not happy in our choices. If we do ask her, out of kindness, then I am concerned that she will complain the entire time and drain my energy. She doesn’t wear dresses or heels and I require those who are in the party to look presentable, which means shaved, make up and a nice hairdo.
I know it would make everyone happy if I included her in the wedding but she is a big handful. Call me selfish, but on my wedding day I want it to be about me and he groom, not about how she hates wearing a dress.

Has as anyone been in this situation or does anyone have any advice for us?

Many thanks in advance!

23 Comments

  • E
    Savvy December 2019
    Elizabeth ·
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    If I am the one paying for the photographer for the wedding, then I feel like I should be allowed to have input on what people in my party should look like. She wears dirty sweatpants everyday. This conversation is about whether or not to invite her into the party, not about what she is wearing. If she doesn’t like it then she doesn’t have to accept.
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  • Audrey
    Devoted October 2018
    Audrey ·
    • Flag
    I have a similar situation with FH sister. There’s a lot of personal issues and it just wouldn’t be fair to our friends to put her in our party. Considering FH and her aren’t close, we decided just not to include her in. At first she was hurt, but at the end of the day it was our decision and now things are fine.
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  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Champion March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
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    Agree with this!

    Your BMs are supposed to be YOUR closest friends anyway. That’s not selfish. And you don’t want to make the SIL uncomfortable by wearing/doing things she hates. That sounds considerate to me!
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