A death in my family and my wedding as a place for family to come together: advice?

It will be a bittersweet time. I suggest raising your glasses in a toast, mentioning that they are looking down and smiling upon you all.

Hugs!!!

Maybe have her film a congratulatory speech or something that can play at the reception? Her way of being there? Idk, that could be considered awesome or morbid.

I have not (fingers crossed, as I still have 8 months to go). I know it is easier said that done because I have no experience in this, but I would not change the wedding plans. this will be a very tough time for the family but I think your mother is right. this will be a good opportunity to get everyone together and you can make a small tribute (assuming your cousin does pass).

the only fortunate thing in this situation is that your wedding is still a few months away and family will have some time (though short) to grieve appropriately.

I'm sorry you're going through this

I'm very sorry to hear that.

I haven't experienced that but I think it's okay to keep your wedding day. Like you've already mentioned, you can honour her memory in some way if you want to. I've heard of tables set up with photos of those who can't attend or who have passed, or a reading during the ceremony, or something written in your programs to honour her. It would also be acceptable to not do these things if you don't want to or if you want to honour your cousin in a more personal way.

What I've heard from other brides is that you'll want to tow the line between honouring her but also not depressing everyone. I don't really remember the details but one bride talked about something they did to honour a deceased family member (I think a parent) at the wedding and it made her inconsolable and depressed everyone. You're still allowed to be happy on your wedding day.

Wishing you and your family all the best.

My grandmother passed away in January. She was my last living grandparent. I am doing a memorial vase with all of their favorite flowers. My mother passed away a little over a year ago as did FH's brother.

I'm seriously considering doing a memorial/honor table for guests who can't attend.

There's a lot of heartache with family and even on happy days, it's nice to remember and give a toast. In my own family and FH's, out of a total of 8 grandparents, only 2 are alive. And on top of that, 1 is senile and therefore will not be coming. Besides that, several of my siblings will be deployed overseas and 1 passed away from cancer last year. My FMIL's only brother was murdered in his teens... it's heavy but important you know?

W's grandfather died four days before our wedding. Our rabbi brought a memorial candle, and we lit it and W talked about him a little as part of the rabbi's opening remarks. Life goes on. Nobody is going to think less of you if you don't cancel every happy thing you might possibly do in the next [however long] because there's been a death in the family.

My Granddad passed away on the Wednesday morning before our wedding. I was devastated because I had grown very close to him and our whole family was mourning the loss. I'll be honest, it was really difficult stomaching the idea of getting married 3 days later. Not to mention that was when we anticipated his funeral. In the end, my Granddad did not wish to have a memorial or funeral but it was and still is very sad. However, wedding day was still a happy one.

Here is my take on it. I had really wanted my Granddad to be at the wedding but his health was way too bad for the last 2 years. I firmly believe he took his leave partially because he was truly tired, but also in time to be there with me in spirit. I take comfort in that.

I'm very sorry about your cousin. We did a memorial table at our wedding for those who had passed. Perhaps you could do something like that?

I think honoring people is a nice idea in theory, sometimes in practice. A lot of people don't want to be reminded of something so sad, so publicly. It's different when it's just your family that your cousin is a part of, but when it only affects 1/5 of the wedding population, it can be odd. At a wedding I went to last year, the bride and groom toasted to a fairly recently deceased aunt. Her teenage kids -- who had been on the dance floor until the toast -- spent the rest of the night at their table with their father, sobbing, as people came over to them expressing condolences in their slightly drunken states. It was TERRIBLE. My friend (groom) told me afterward that they didn't ask the family if it was okay first and that they wouldn't have said anything had they known. They would have simply had a picture or her favorite wine or flowers on the immediate family's table.

We tend to go overboard with remembrance. A lot of people want any opportunity to escape that for just a little while and be able to let loose and have fun without feeling guilt that they're here and their loved one isn't. I'd ask your cousin's family what they think might be a good way to honor her. It's different when it's your own immediate family -- siblings, mother, father.

ETA: I feel like this post could come off a bit cold, but I speak from experience, too: my grandfather and uncle died on the same day and my aunt was married five days later. It was a sad time, but everyone loved being together and had a great time. It was a great escape *and* it's what my uncle and grandfather would have wanted.

Thank you everyone for sharing your personal stories, support, and advice. It means a lot to know that other people have gone through this, and to be reassured that life goes on and the wedding should too.

Closer to the wedding, I will talk to my uncle and aunt and my mom to see what they want. I like the idea of having a remembrance table, and there are certainly other people whose pictures I'd include. If my family thinks it's the right thing to do, I'll probably say something short in memory of her at the ceremony.

I'm so sorry for your family and what they are going through. Having a photo of her at the ceremony would be nice and I would hope that by July family will be ready to celebrate something happy. Best of luck