A Bridesmaid Stepping Down

I guess my concern is why should this hurt the friendship and should I let it? It bothers me she wants to step down. I'm not sure what to think.

Multiple meetings? My BMs haven't gotten together once. Everything is done in the Facebook group they made. I think most relationships end when the Bride kicks someone out, not when the BM asks to stop down.

@Kristin - From what I have been shown, all communications were done through text and this app to coordinate things and breakdown day of things. When it came to meeting in person to discuss more details and be more hands on with the location they booked and with something else they planned for this month, she kept saying she was too busy. My MOH offered for a day she was available to make it work for her and she just didn't seem to show that she wanted to be available for it.

If she wants to step down, try to see it from her perspective. Also, what other financial obligations does she feel she has, besides purchasing a dress and possibly shoes for your wedding? You need to clarify that with her.

If she feels that her financial obligations extend to the shower or even a bachelorette party, make it clear that they do not, because they should not. She is not required to throw a party in your honor if she cannot afford it, and no one should expect her to. If she is tight when it comes to money, respect that and move on. If you want to continue the relationship with her, you have two options: explain that if she wants to step down and celebrate as a guest, she should and you'd love her to! If she wants to be in your wedding, understand her budget and respect it. Don't ask her to plan anything.

ETA: there should never be a "meeting" to discuss details. They are not employed by you and they have their own lives outside of your wedding. Shoot your bridal party a simple text with details and leave it at that.

She does care but she cares about her bread and butter more than your wedding and rightfully so. Starting a new job is time consuming and stressful. She is trying but your MOH maybe is being too demanding with the texts emails and meetings. She honestly doesn't have to plan or be a part of the shower to show that she cares

@ashley - It was her decision to step down and I told her I wasn't mad and respected her choice but I just feel she was upset with how my MOH is handling things and I don't know the extent of what that was. I feel like it was a money issue but she hasn't offered her time into things either according to my MOH.

Tell your friend that she doesn't have to spend any time or money on the shower if she doesn't have it or doesn't want to, that you just want her to be there with you on the day you get married. BM don't have to offer time or money to plan anything for the shower, bachelorette party, etc. Have a conversation with her. And then one of you tell your MOH that she won't be available to help with the shower so she stops texting her about it if she doesn't have the time for it.

A good friend would be understanding of her struggles right now. A wedding should not be a life-altering event for anyone except the people getting married. You can offer to pay for everything she would have had to pay for, or you can let her step down and still be your friend. There may be some other underlying issue and she just doesn't want to be in the wedding anymore, regardless of money. Talk to her and make her feel comfortable as your friend.

I had a bridesmaid step down for the same reasons. She was never available for my MOH. She did step down, but I am still in her wedding and we still talk every day. You just can't make it awkward.

My MOH told me she wanted to step down because of personal financial reasons. Without going into her reasons, I walked through with her all the costs (I thought) being a WP member had and how I could help offset the cost (e.g. you can sit out the designation bachelorette weekend and I get one of the BMs to organize, you and your partner can stay in our apartment wedding weekend as we will be staying in a suite, etc.). I told my MOH that I just wanted her up there with me on my most important day. I say, have an honest talk with your friend.

I feel like the only way this will affect your friendship is if you are not supportive of her decision to step down. Which it sounds like you are not. On one hand you say you respect her choice, but on the other you are questioning if it was really a money issue and that she wasn't putting enough time into a party for you. If she said it is because of money then you need to respect that as her reasoning. It sounds like you are letting your MOH's feelings about this bridesmaid affect your feelings.

Thank you for all the advice here. I don't feel like this should jeopardize our friendship and I truly do respect her decision but it is coming off more surprising to me that she's saying this because of our history and friendship. I'm trying to get her to talk with me in person but she keeps pushing things off. I don't want her to step down but I've said if she truly wants to I understand. My intentions for my BM's is not to empty their wallets. I will have to talk with my MOH also.

She's probably embarrassed she cant swing it.

This will only end the friendship if you choose to let it. Be understanding about her decision, I'm sure it's not easy for her to tell you this. If I were you I'd offer to buy her dress and tell her it's ok to not participate/plan/fund whatever the rest of the bridal party is doing-that stuff can add up quickly. Or speak to the others and see if what they're planning can be financially scaled down.

My best friend of 10 years stepped down as a Bridesmaid about 2 days after saying yes. She was hurt because she was not the MOH and totally turned it around to be about her.

We have BARELY talked since then and she is extremely jealous of my friend who is my MOH.

It seems like you had a lot of expectations for your BMs. Correct me if I am wrong, but didnt your previously post about frustrations related to dress shopping. You had just given them a color and length, but were frustrated that they weren't all planning to go shopping together?

I suspect your MOH is being too demanding of her time and money. She does not HAVE to help plan the shower. It's not a requirement to be in a wedding. Planning a shower is optional (both from a money perspective and time perspective). I get the feeling that your MOH doesn't understand that. I would let your friend know that she doesn't have to help plan the shower. And ask your MOH to back off on the meeting requests and planning demands.

From the experience of one of my best friends weddings, her MOH was demanding tons of cash from all of us, with no explanation. It caused major issues within the bridal party. We did not make the bride aware until after the wedding and she was horrified. I honestly considered stepping down from that wedding myself. Please talk to her about it and speak to your MOH as @MFB stated. It doesn't need to ruin your friendship, it's a tough spot for you and your BM.

I think you accept her stepping down gracefully and don't let it impact your friendship. Don't get involved in what may be issues between your bridal party.

I stepped down from a wedding I was asked to be in, we aren't as close any more, but I don't blame me stepping down, I think just life happened. She might blame the difference in our friendship on that, but I don't. Her and I still hang out and she was just at my wedding. It doesn't have to end your friendship but I would find out what obligations she thinks she has. My MOH threw my shower and didn't handle the finances well. I caught wind of a lot of my bridesmaids being upset, and spoke to my matron of honor. My matron of honor and MIL ended up putting up more money so that way my bridesmaids did not feel pressured. I'd try and find out a little more about what she's feeling she's emptying her wallet for.