A and B guest lists for destination wedding

Oh, dear God -- first things first -- your wedding isn't a damn lottery. Ignore what Violet suggested -- first come, first served? Disgusting. Violet, I mean my response to be shocking...know why? Because that is exactly the level of shock your "maybe you're invited if you respond quickly enough...we'll let you know" guests will experience. Come on, it's a wedding, not a morning radio show featuring a host with two tickets to a concert.

You invite everyone on the guestlist, and then you plan for 1/3 of those people to actually make the trip. There's a cost to being married on a warm beach, ocean breezes blowing, the glorious sun setting on the horizon, etc. The cost is guest attendance.

I don't know what you're reading, OP, but B lists, in any form, are rude. Once the rude passes, the hurt hits. If the catch line from the pieces you're reading are "as long as they don't know", you have to ask yourself, "Yeah...what happens if they do know? Why should I have to hide this? I know why. Because it's socially unacceptable."

You chose a DW. It's an old story -- people (guests) were cool with the idea before they actually had to use their vacation time and find the money for airfare and lodging -- not to mention child and pet care accommodations. When the realities hit home, they decided that the scales tipped on the side of "decline, but best wishes".

Duh @they're making a vacation out of it! Helloooo most folks who are going to fly somewhere for an event take an extra day or two to make the most of it.

Yeah...definitely not doing the first come first serve thing...that is crazy... talking to the wedding planner she said people get about 1/4 to 1/3 of the guest list decline... so i was gonna go with that and invite all 95...but then what happens if they mostly say yes??? arrhh... i guess some more cutting must be done...

Sheesh - another wedding planner who needs to quit their job. You never ever ever over-invite. IDC if your venue is within walking distance or on the other side of the globe. Invite the amount you can afford to host and that can fit the space.

Don't B-list. I don't know where you read that it's not rude if they don't know because B-listing is definitely rude.

Don't do a B list, it's rude. Have a heart to heart with FH and decide who will be invited. If it ends up being smaller then that's what happens. I had to do the same thing with my FH. It sucks but that's life.

B list?

No way. Please don't do this.

Only invite how many people your venue will hold. Never B-List anybody

Definitely find a way to cut 13 people. id be pretty upset if i found out i was b-listed

So, if I'm understanding your question right, you want to only send StDs to your "A-list", then decide how many other people to invite based on the A-lister's availability and then send invites to all of those people? If that's true, I actually don't think this is truly "B-listing". Sending StDs only to VIPs is a pretty common practice. That being said, I would NOT do this. You might end up with people saying they can't come based on the StDs, then ending up being able to come after all. You absolutely must plan on being able to host everyone you invite, and anyone who gets a StD gets an invite.

Yeah i was going to use the StDs to gauge attendance of the first 82. Seems like here B listing is a no...but just so that you don't think i'm crazy or getting this from nowhere (because i'm new to this and really was just reading around), below are some of the websites I found before i posted here.

http://www.brides.com/blogs/aisle-say/2015/05/navigating-b-list-wedding-guest-invites.html

https://www.theknot.com/content/how-to-invite-a-b-list-guest-to-your-wedding-without-being-rude

http://offbeatbride.com/b-list-wedding-invitations/

http://www.kaileymichelle.com/wedding-invitation-b-list/

It's kind of rude to make them a last resort

I'm having a DW, not a single guest told us "No" after the STDs were sent out. I don't think that's a thing... RSVPing to a STD.

BTW those websites are wrong. there is no way to B-list without being rude.

OP those websites are shit. We are telling you not to B list. Stop looking for ways to do it.

I was under the impression that STDs were sent to VIP and OOTs guests. If she were to get enough No's from the STDs, could she then invite the extra guests? In this scenario, everyone would be getting invitations at the same time. Is that still considered a B list and rude?

@Roses, everyone you send a STD to you should send an invitation to as well. Things can easily change, they may not feel as if they can attend when the save the date is sent, but later realize they can.

People who receive STD are supposed to get an invitation regardless if they say they can't come. What if something changes and they realize they can come and then they don't get the invitation that's to follow? You're going to look incredibly rude at that point. Venue holds 82? Only invite 82.

LOL... I must have missed it. Was this the idea of a so-called wedding planner? Ladies, you've been warned -- the number of "I'm addicted to weddings because I planned mine and I'm now suffering from post-wedding depression" wedding planners is huge. Luckily, many of them will get over their depression and get the hell out of profession they were never trained and educated to handle. I could make you laugh your asses off with tales of so called, "Wedding Planners" who had idea what they were supposed to be doing. The pros can't stand them. They show up, on the wedding day, with glittery pens and clipboards, and talk about what "we've done". Then, they steal your product to create pieces they promised the bride, but can't afford to create. Ugh...forget it. We can smell them a mile away, and we refuse to engage them. Why? Because we know they'll disappear from the scene in a month or two -- and they do. The pros? You can see them coming a mile away. We totally cooperate with them, but the bride who was married four months ago and can't let it go? Bye-bye, Felicia.

Definitely cut the list to 82. Over-inviting will not work out in your favor, nor will an A or B list. Good luck, OP!

If you can't make cuts from your original 95 person guest list you'll need a new venue. I'm guessing that's why the "wedding planner" suggested this terrible idea. A STD is not a binding agreement. Someone could say no and then change their mind when the invites come, placing you over the limit.

Also with the 82 person limit you'll need to factor in the vendors, they count too.