29 days until my wedding and i want to cancel and elope

First, I would take a deep breath. Check through your contracts. At less than a month out, we’ll owe all the money for our entire wedding even if we cancel. Do you have family or friends who are traveling and have already booked flights/hotels? Are you prepared for them to lose money if that’s the case? Also, what does your FS want?

If you're still able to cancel all your venues and vendors without penalty or for a low penalty, go for it. I know sometimes weddings and the idea of it can be overwhelming because it's a lot of attention and things to do. Or is there a way you can bring the scale of your event down to make it much much more intimate and whatever you're comfortable with?

Breath ! I think it may just be panic. At this point you will most likely owe money in full to all vendors. Also if guest made travel arrangements and bought you gifts they may loose the money. All your bridal party bought outfits so you could end up paying them for the outfits. I do not think they will ask but you never know.

I’m assuming since you’re only 29 days away from the big day that everything (venue, food, photographer, etc) are most of the way paid for. I assume that you’ve already sent our invitations and have gotten some RSVPs back. I assume that some your guests have already made travel plans, booked hotel rooms, requested time off work possibly, etc. Some have maybe even purchased you a gift.

I understand why you are freaking out. I struggle with anxiety and have had panic attacks since I was 14. But... you’re gonna lose a lot of money (non refundable deposits) and potentially upset anyone that has already made plans to attend your wedding if you cancel now. Not saying that you absolutely can’t backout at this point, but would it really be worth it?

My suggestion is to take a step back and breathe. A LOT. Maybe even get away for the weekend or something. Separate yourself entirely from wedding planning and just relax for a few days.

Carefully consider how canceling this close to the big day would affect things. I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, but I think it’s pretty normal honestly. Don’t let your nerves conquer you! You’ve got this!

That was supposed to say “sent OUT invitations” not “our.” Sorry for the typo.

If you back out now, you and FS could lose a lot of money! Talk to your future spouse and see if you're on the same page. I personally feel you should go ahead with the wedding

As others have said, look at the contracts and see how much money you will be responsible for to vendors (this close out, you may have to pay the full amount anyway). Also, I'm guessing that guests have already made arrangements, booked hotel and travel, figured out babysitters, etc. Obviously, do what you think is best for you and your fiance. I would just do a cost-benefit analysis (or pros and cons) of the decision to call it off and elope.

You're probably out most if not all of that money. So you're not going to save anything really.
I think youre panicking.
You're almost there. You'll be fine.

I think you have to decide whether it's nerves, or if having the wedding you just planned really isn't how you envision starting married life. A friend of my husband's had the big wedding because it's what her parents wanted, and over a decade later she still talks about regretting that they didn't elope. I had a hybrid: small wedding, in a movie theater, simple and short ceremony, brunch, short photo session. Then we went off and had a nice dinner by the beach, just the two of us, before leaving for our honeymoon. If losing your deposits, etc. will be too much for you, you could theoretically compromise: elope before you have your ceremony and reception with friends and family. That gets you the best of both worlds?

Please don't panic. Most brides say the day goes by so fast. You're going to be married, focus on that. Life WILL resume back to normal and you'll have a terrific time on your honeymoon.

Find out all the terms and deposits for your vendors and the costs that your wedding party has incurred. The caterer and venue and such are going to most likely keep deposits/fees but there is also stuff like travel for your guests that may already be booked and bridesmaids dresses. Breathe deeply and think hard about why you want to change. It is very stressful I am sure to get this close and want to alter plans. Regardless of the money and such, it needs to be what you and your FS both want. It is the start of your life together and you both need to be ok with it. At the end of either, you are still married and that was the plan all along

What is it about the wedding you don't want? I think someone else already mentioned eloping and going thru with the wedding reception. If you just want it to be private, could you do a first look on your wedding day and do your vows then? You could still have the ceremony and do the standard "I take thee..." in front of everyone else.

It seems like this close to your date that you're going to lose most of your deposits at the very least but if you're okay with that and it won't inconvenience anyone else too badly at this point, then have at it. Do you think when you have some time and perspective one day down the road, that you might regret canceling?

I agree with the rest you might need to take a deep breathe. I'm quite sure with 29 days you will lose a significant amount of $$$ at this point its probably less stressful, and less money to go through with it.

Maybe a spa day and a nice dinner and conversation with your FH will ease your anxiety! Good Luck

What did you end up deciding?

Thank you all for your support!

I had a good conversation with my sister (who's also my matron of honor), and I worked through my worries and did end up having my wedding as planned.

Sadly, so many things went wrong! My wedding was out doors, and of course it was raining all day. My cousin's husband showed up wearing a MAGA hat (and he's Canadian even!) My DH put on a few pounds in the week before our wedding, and he couldn't get his vest to button up. And to top it off, my brother-in-law who's also my photographer went and got his camera stolen on his trip home, so my pictures are GONE.

lol if I was superstitious I'd think the universe was punishing me for my decision!

My honeymoon was AMAZING though!