2 Months 'Til Wedding - Getting Serious Cold Feet

No officiant I know will do a wedding without a license; worst case scenario, it makes us party to a fraud. Multiple people, including your parents, think you are getting married and you are not. Cash gifts, usually, are involved. It's not good.

Calling it off, IF that's the right thing, is much less expensive than going through with it and then divorcing, in dollars, emotion, and energy.

Good luck and big hugs.

Mrs S.: My FH did not respond when I said I didn't want to get married. I stormed out of the room and after 15 minutes he followed me and we were able to calmly (sort of) talk about the fight. I suggested to him that we might need to go to counseling but he is one of those people who thinks counseling is stupid. I honestly don't think he would ever go.. unless I gave him an ultimatum.

Thanks again, everyone, for your continued advice... I am already feeling better about things.

You can always go to counseling by yourself. . .

Sometimes we do things for other people even though we think they're stupid. Most BM's dresses I ever wore were beyond stupid. But I wore them with a smile.

You can go by yourself as Paris suggested, it will help you get some insight into your own feelings. Or you can ask him to do it for your relationship and your future. The worst case scenario is that it doesn't help, but it certainly won't hurt.

Well, I will say this: My FH and I used to fight ALOT (and that was before we were ever even engaged) and they were HORRIBLE fights. Like, fights you'd call the cops on. And we decided to stick it out cause neither of us had doubts about being together. We hardly ever fight now and when we do it's just a little spiff and we talk it through until it's better. BUT if I told him I wanted to go to counseling, even if he was embarrassed or hated the idea, he would go because I wanted to. I honestly think it's a red flag if someone won't go with you to fix a problem that it equally shared. I know some of you ladies will disagree with that statement. But to me it doesn't even sound like your sure of your RELATIONSHIP. Not the fighting, but if you are honestly doubting being with him, you need to call it off.

You guys definitely need a date night or weekend so you guys can rekindle and remember the reason you wanted to get married in the first place. Wedding planning is stressful. Just breathe and take it easy.

Hi Sophia,

The money for deposits is already spent, so you can NOT let that be a factor in going through with the wedding or not. In three months, the money will still be spent. The question is, in three months do you want to wake up as his wife? That decision has to be independant of what money you have already paid.

Our church strongly recommends couples take a premarriage class and have a few premarriage counseling sessions. Maybe you can get him to go if you tell him that the officiant is recommending the class. That way, it's more of a universal "this is for all couples" type thing, and not just "we need to go for counseling because we are having problems". Maybe that would make him more receptive to the idea.

Good luck! I am sending you hope and best wishes. I hope that things get better and that you will come to a decision you feel good about.