10yr Vow Renewal

Please don't worry about what others think.

if people want to cop a attitude, then that's their problem.

I wouldn't worry about looking 'gift grabby' that's how a lot of people look at wedding period now considering how many couples expect to people to make sure they give a gift that is equivalent to what is being spent per person.

just focus on your own joy and fun. that's all you can really control anyhow. people will think whatever they want.

@Nay girrrrl I love me some Madea!!!

"MA to tha damn D-E-A" "Jesus dun saved yer ass, Halle-Lou-yer"!

@Aronna..thanks. I was going to respond back to her but I decided not too. I'm on here for positive advice and ideas. I just thought her comments were a little negative, but I'm not going to feed into that.

I've been doing a lot of research, and just as you, Nay and everyone else said (except one) we can do it however we want. I was just confused about the whole officiate thing, but I got it now. But there was one question that I can't seem to find an answer to...can we still do the Bouquet & Garter toss? I get that we can still use the "traditional" wedding format, but wasn't sure about that. Any suggestions?

Our renwal isn't for another year and a half, but I don't like doing things last minute and from past expeience with helping family and friends plan their weddings, I need to start now..lol

Thanks for all your help!

@Angela - I think it is wonderful hubby and you are going to have a wedding celebration for your 10th. I am a wedding officiant, and because it is not your first go around there is no need for the marriage license thus your need for a legal wedding officiant.

My suggestion is that you consider doing everything as if it were the original weddings 10 years ago :-) Including finding an experienced officiant to make sure your celebration is handled with finesse and all the pomp you desire.

Why NOT do the bouquet and garter toss? I say, go for it!!! this is YOUR celebration and I believe you should take it to the nines :-)

DH & I had a fairly large wedding before I became a wedding officiant. After 20 years of marriage, I wanted to renew our vows but with a more intimate gathering (kind of the opposite of what most people do).

This time, I got to write the ceremony (was experienced by then) and I actually found the renewal ceremony to be more emotional than the wedding (which made us both nervous). In 20 years, a lot of family members had passed away, I had started my own biz, we had been through thick and thin together.

Speaking of thin, I no longer fit into my wedding dress, so bought one that looked more like MOB. A friend/professional officiant did the honors -- reading the ceremony I put together. Our original MOH & BM stood up with us again, in our liviing room with about 20 guests.

I've officiated quite a few vow renewals for couples after 1, 5, 10, 25, 40, 50 years of marriage. Each has been unique to the couple.

I will be renewing my vows after 20 years. It will be a scaled down version of a wedding. I just want to have a beautiful reception that I never had. The first time we got married was in our backyard and we had a ball with family and friends. I will be calling mine a "Recommitting Ceremony" If you want to go big, do what you like its your special day.

@Rev. Cindy Lee - Thank you for the advice. We will have our Pastor officiate the ceremony for us, he just doesn't know it yet...lol. But I'm sure he will gracefully agree. I'm just so excited, I know I'm really ahead of myself with planning, but it's better to ask questions now than later. We plan to have the vow renewal of our dreams, since of course we didn't get to have a wedding the first go round.

Have your dream wedding! Do it up from start to finish and love every moment of it! I am doing this as well just not for our 10 yr. Actually we will have only been technically married for 8 months (we got legally married for insurance reasons) and are still hosting our original "wedding" on the date we had picked to begin with!

In Feb my husband and I will have our 2 yr anniversary. We got married with only a witness to sign aand the officiant. no family, friends or even our kids were present. Now were planning to renew our vows in July 2014 and have the "wedding" we couldnt have then. Its important to us to celebrate our love and commitment with our children and everyone we love. We are paying for it all and asking for no gifts. Do you what you want, its you money and lets be real, who doesnt love parties..

In my culture many people have their civil ceremony and yrs later have their Catholic wedding, theres no difference in my eyes.. I aint CAthilic but i still want and deserve the wedding I still have not had.

PS im doing it all, bridesmaids, groomsmen, maid of honer, best man, garter and bouquet toss... EVERYTHING lol

LOL Cheetah2B

@Angela It's nice that you are so excited about the planning. A friend of ours is a pastor and she will officiate our ceremony and stay for the reception. We didn't really need a pastor since we're already married, but she's a sweetheart and we knew she would want to be a part of it and she loves the idea of the vow renewal and officiating the ceremony. We're not doing a bouquet or garter toss and the other first dance will be me and Hubby.

The only things you need to skip are showers and bachelor/ette parties.

We specifically asked for no gifts, but a few gave them anyway.

I agree with Nancy on that too. We're not doing a shower or bachelor and bachelorette party. But what we are considering is what my BFF/MOH suggested. Having a couples getaway a few months before for whoever wants to go. We're looking into either Atlantic City or one of the Connecticut hotel/casinos. We'll all hang out as a group when we arrive for lunch, but for dinner and evening activities, the guys and gals will split up and do their own thing. Next morning group breakfast and back home.

Still debating on whether we'll do it or not, but it's a nice option.

Have a amazing party to celebrate your 10 years! Congrats! But I would seriously side-eye any "wedding-y" parts and probably not attend. And please do not say you didn't have a wedding. You did have a wedding. It is very insulting to people who went to the JOP to hear you state that JOP weddings aren't "real weddings". Absolutely no bridal party (your not a bride-your a wife!), no showers, etc (once again your not a bride). No big poofy dress. No garter or bouquet tosses (it's not a wedding, no one is getting "WED"). Have some amazing food, friends and celebrate your marriage!!

Remember you already had your wedding 10 years ago when you married the man of your dreams. You can't have a do-over unless there is a divorce in the middle.

Congrats on 10 years and here is to many more!!!

There is no "rule book" on what you wear to a renewal. It's your party and you do what u want. Those who love u and are happy for you will be happy to be a part of your special day, no matter if your already legally married or not! I AM wearing a wedding gown, not white but im wearing one!

Do as YOU wish, again it's your day and theres absolutely nothing wring with it!

I agree Julisa. There is no "rule book" on vow renewal. We're renewing our vows and we're doing it the way WE want to and everyone around us could not be happier and can't wait to share in our celebration with us.

ETA: And if you want to have details as in a wedding, then go for it. It's not like the Vow Renewal police are going to pull you over.

Dont know how many single friends you have but you might want to consider a slightly different spin on the bouquet/garter toss thing (saw this at a vow renewal of a friend and stole it for our wedding): instead of single ladies for the bouquet have it all the ladies and the same with the guys. Or you could even do married ladies and the catcher will find as much happiness in their marriage as you have in yours or some such...........

Label smablel.....

A wedding is a party, a birthday is a party, a vow renewal is a PARTY. The girl wants to party!

Vow renewal is just a re-commitment to your spouse. People recommit themselves to lots of stuff. To their religion. To being sober, so whatever... It's not like having a vow renewal means you're getting legally married all over again. It's just a great way to say yes, we've gone this far let's continue to make it. Marriage is hard, never a fairytale, and sometimes you really do need to re-commit yourself, to make that mutual promise to stay together.

I love, love love all the positive feedback I've received! Now that time is getting closer I've come up with so many good ideas for our vow renewal! We still are going to use some of the tradition wedding elements, but kinda changed a few things, like for instance instead of saying wedding party we're saying attendants. I've changed the wording of the program a little as well.