Too many ppl to invite and not enough space at the reception
We are having a big problem with having too many invitees and not enough space at the reception. My church holds 4000ppl but the reception hall only holds 125ppl. My FH and I want our friends and family but them my parents and his parents want to invite thier friends. We dont have room at the reception for everyone and I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings. My mom said to just put on the invitations that due to capacity this is for the ceremony only. I am new to the site and everything else please give me your insight! Thanks!

Married: 08/21/2010
Posted On: Nov 10, 2009 at 10:11 AM • Vendors are allowed • Add to My WatchlistFlag As Inappropriate1 like

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Nov 10, 2009 at 10:23 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Yes! That is a hard one.. We decided that if we didnt see someone within that year then they wouldn't be invited. Its sad beC these are your friends. As far as our parents: We let them invite 4 of their friends. Being that my husbands parents are remarried it was 8 people on his side and 4 for my side. I will say that people feeling do get hurt and they will let you know that. I was put into so many situations that made me feel uncomfortable. But a wedding isn't cheap. Being that we did hurt and upset some of our friends we decided to have a slide show party at our house to view the wedding. Friends just want to feel part of your wedding..
I hope this helps
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Married: 01/17/2010
Reviews: 7
Nov 10, 2009 at 10:29 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Since it's a space issue at the venue it's not even something that you can compromise on. It's not like you are just leaving people out because you don't want them there, it's that there isn't space for them. I'd do what ToF said they did with their parents, and let them invite only a set amount of people.

Married: 08/21/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 10:44 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thats the problem we are already at our max for the reception with my and my FH friends and just family. I have a rather large family just with aunts and uncles not even cousins. I am feeling really stressed out. Would it be ok to invite them to the ceremony but not the reception. I am sure we could find a tackful way of doing this. Thanks for your advice ToF and Konichiwa!

Married: 01/02/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 10:52 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I'm sorry, but I really don't know of a way that you could tackfully do this. It's kind of like saying that some people aren't good enough to make the cut to come to the big party after the celebration. I would only invite the 125 of your closest friends and family to both the ceremony and reception and thats it. People will understand that you needed to keep the guest list to a minimum. As a guest, I would be more insulted to only get a partial invitation to the ceremony (where I would feel obligated to bring a gift) and then not even get to attend the celebration afterwards. The reception is the thank you to our guests for attending your wedding.

This should be a perfect example of why it's important to have a good idea of now many people will be invited before you are locked in to a venue that doesn't accommodate them all.

Good luck!

Jadw1999
Married: 05/01/2010
Reviews: 5
Nov 10, 2009 at 10:55 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
We are going through the same thing. Our reception venue has a max of 150. We have edited our guest list a million times and we have narrowed it down to 162 so we still have to still work on the list. We are almost certain that 95% of the people on our list will attend because everyone is mostly family. Unfortunately, like Konichiwa said, there is no compromise because its the venue size and nothing personal on your end. What I have been doing with people who have actually come out and asked me is just let them know that because of size accommodation of the venue, unfortunately we cannot invite everyone that we would like to the reception to celebrate with us. However, you are more then welcomed to the ceremony if you would like to attend. You just have to work on narrowing your guest list down to the 125 people who are top priority in being a part of your wedding day celebration.

Married: 08/21/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 10:57 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
We arent locked into a venue yet. I just really love the venue that we picked. And I dont want anyone to think that I am a bridezilla by any stretch of the imagination. But I really like the venue Kim. And I thought the day was about my FH and I. I live in Stafford VA and there are not many other places we can have the reception that are elegant and wont cost 10K. We are trying to stay within our budget because we still have a mortgage to pay when everything is said and done. I just dont want to hurt anyone.

Married: 08/21/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 10:59 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Lol Jad how do I narrow the list down? How are you doing it?

Married: 10/09/2010
Reviews: 4
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:00 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
You have some tough decisions ahead of you. I think your best option is to have you, FH, and parents all sit down with the guest list and say "This is the max capacity and we need to make it work". As for inviting people to the ceremony and not the reception I think maybe if your reception was on a different day it might work, but to have a people at your ceremony watch other guests leave for the reception and to not be invited would probably be considered tacky. Plus, you might end up with a bunch of "reception crashers". If you think your guests would be ok with it then its worth discussing, but I think it may end up causing alot of stress when people start calling complaining why they weren't invited adn so-and-so was.

Married: 08/21/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:03 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
I didn't even think about "reception crashers". The venue coordinator stated that there were tables outside on the veranda that could accomodate ppl as well but I would think that would make them feel separated from the group. I think you are all right that we just need to try and narrow down the list. I just dont know how.

Married: 01/02/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:05 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Thats good news that you aren't locked into it yet. If I were you I would definitely try to find another place before going this route. I understand the whole budget thing, its really hard!!

Good luck!

yadayada
Married: 10/30/2009
Reviews: 5
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:08 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
The previous posters are right, it is considered rude to invite guests to the ceremony and not the reception. I think your options here are 1) get a bigger venue that can accommodate everyone (keeping in mind you will have to spend all that extra $$ to feed all those extra guests) or 2) sit down with your parents, FH & FILs and figure out your guest list based on your capacity. You can also divide your guest list into "A" and "B" - invite the A list first and after you start getting some declines invite those on the B-list.

@Jadw1999 - If your venue holds 150, you are probably ok with those 162. Not everyone will show up who is invited.

Unique
Married: 02/11/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:09 AM • 
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Married: 08/21/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:11 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Ok Ladies I think I am going to unfall in love with my reception site to see if I can find one that holds more ppl. If thats not possible then we will sit down and figure out who to invite. If we go with the A/B list idea when is it too late to send out an invite?

Married: 01/02/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:12 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Think of how nice it will be to be able to have everyone you want there without having to worry about the 125 max! Hopefully that idea will help you fall in love with a new place :)

Jadw1999
Married: 05/01/2010
Reviews: 5
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:13 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Basically, you need to decide from your guest list who are the "must come" people. We have large families too but we are not inviting everyone only the family members that we are in constant contact with. So we were able to get our list down to family and close family friends that we deal with on a regular basis. Once we did this, then we were able to work in other people like coworkers, and other acqauintences that we know who we do affiliate with somewhat regularly that we really want to be apart of our day. As well, we decided to eliminate children and have an adult reception. There are ways to cut the list down. Everyone will not be happy but you can't please everyone.

yadayada
Married: 10/30/2009
Reviews: 5
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:16 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Just curious what does your "ideal" list look like (meaning, assuming you were able to invite everyone you wanted).

Unique
Married: 02/11/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:17 AM • 
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Married: 08/21/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:17 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Jad, We are having an adult only reception except for our children that are in the wedding party. What parent doesn't want a night off? :) And Kim I will try to keep my heart from breaking while looking for another place. lol :)

Married: 08/21/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 11:29 AM • Flag As Inappropriate
Yada, my ideal list has my close family, close friends and church members. Maybe my FH coworkers, I work for a family business so that is not a problem for me.

Thanks Lovely!

Married: 10/10/2010
Nov 10, 2009 at 3:03 PM • Flag As Inappropriate
Do NOT do a tiered reception. You reception is saying thank you to people for coming to witness your ceremony. No one wants to go to the ceremony and then NOT have food and drinks afterward.

If your parents are paying, they get more say in the guest list. If you're paying, they get to invite however many you let them invite.
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