Help, one of my former bridesmaids won't talk to me...

I don't know what to do. First of all, I don't want to see our friendship die. She is one of my dearest friends. We have been there for each other through a lot of stuff. Second of all, I don't know how to get her the invite. She lives 3 hours away, so stopping by her house isn't an option. On top of that, I don't have her address, so I don't know where she lives exactly. I guess I don't understand why she is avoiding me. I was completely understanding about the bridesmaid thing. I didn't kick her out. I told her I would help if I could and that it was no big deal. I didn't want her to be stressed out about it anymore and I wanted her to use the money to resolve her financial issues. There was nothing mean or hurtful said.

My question is, how would you handle this? I obviously can't invite her if I can't get her the invitation, which is not what I want. What would you say to her? I am so upset over this. Even if she can't afford to come to the wedding, CONT...

I still want her to know that she is important to me and I would love for her to be there. Mostly, I don't want to ruin our friendship. Why do weddings destroy relationships? It should be such a happy time!!

When you call or message her next, I suggest asking about her as a friend. "How's the new town/job? I'm looking forward to visiting you, have you found any good/fun spots to hang out?" That sort of thing.

Maybe she'll respond to that (and see that you care about her as a friend, not that you're just trying to get her address for the wedding), and if she does, you can mention how you love her and hope she can make it to the wedding, what's your address so I can send the invite.

Why don't you tell her exactly what you've told us? You love her, she's one of your dearest friends and you want her to know how important she is to you. Tell her it would mean so much to you for her to be there and that you will do anything it takes to have her there.

All I can say is *big hugs* sweetie. It sucks and it sounds as though you have done everything possible. Sometimes friendships just fade away. Send her an email/FB explaining everything you said here and that's all you can do. You have done your due diligence after that and now it's time to get back to getting through your wedding.

Jesi and Reenski, I have told her this. Still I get nothing. I sent her a very long text and facebook message on Tuesday of this week with all of this stuff. She hasn't responded.

Hmm... do you have any mutual friends that can assist in mediating (not that there is necessarily anything to mediate) or that might have some idea why she might be acting like this?

I have a hard time imagining that after years of friendship, she's ignoring for the wedding alone, ya know? Maybe something really big is going on that she doesn't feel comfortable sharing with you. Even in long friendships, sometimes things happen that are so embarrassing or difficult that you don't even share it with your best friends.

If push comes to shove, and you've done all you can to reach out as a friend, try to be there for her, and she still doesn't respond, then unfortunately, you've done all you can do.

I agree, try to call her again and leave a voicemail saying that you are worried about her since you haven't heard from her latelty and that you really miss her. Tell her that you wanted to see how her move went and if she is enjoying her new surroundings and that you would like to come visit her sometime soon. Maybe offer to help her unpack if she still needs help. Don't bring up the wedding at all until you start getting regular responses from her. If she still doesn't respond, there isn't much you can do, maybe you inadvertantly hurt her feelings or she feels emabarrassed about the fact she couldn't afford to be in the wedding. If all else fails, do you have her mother''s or another of her relatives address? If so, send it to that address in care of her so that atleast you can't say you didn't try.

Awww this makes me so sad! because its sounds like you did the right thing and werent a bridezilla at all!

she is maybe just embarrassed? i think i would be. maybe just send her an invite through facebook? i no that is tacky but as a last resort it may be your only option? maybe try writting an email about how much you miss her and how important it is that she is there on your special day...but more importantly that she is your friend forever

When my best friend is going through a hard time, she tends to shut me out. She's impossible to get ahold of, won't return calls, texts, emails, facebook messages, etc. but I just do what I can to make sure she knows I'm always gonna be there for her and I'm there when she's ready to talk. Then, eventuallly she calls me and just unloads about whatever it is she's going thru. When this happes, she almost always says that she should've called me sooner but she just wanted to try to handle it by herself.

Anyway...maybe it's something like that with your friend? If she's having a hard time financially she could be embarrassed or maybe even just super stressed about it and not want to talk to you (or anyone) until she figures things out. I would send her an email and let her know you care, you miss her and you'll always be there for her but that you'll leave the ball in her court. I'd refrain from mentioning the wedding or needing her address right now.

If she was your bridesmaid, she knows when & where the wedding will be. Don't worry about mailing her an invitation. Just let her know you want her there. Then the ball is in her court.

I agree with Katie, she may be embarrassed.

Well please dont feel bad i totaly understand .. my wedding and my brothers are 2 weeks apart and i was best friends with his girls for 3 years now we were like sisters and just a month ago she kicked me out cus i could not afford to go to alantic city for a bridal party mind you i payed for my dress witch was still in prossess of shipping and my 2 daughters were in her wedding as flower girls ahhh :...( what made it worse she called me 24 hrs later and asked to but the dress for someone else than got mad cus i was now not bringing my girls to there wedding cus god knows i would not miss my brothers wedding for anything .... what made it even harder is that they are staying at my dads house the night defor my day and it was killing me to no she would be there after what she had did BUT i love her enough to call her and end this no matter what cus not for my brother or family but our friendship it has been hard to not talk to her or plan our weddings together anymore .point is

You did nothing wrong with the choice you made you could not have waited till the last min to figure things out and if she could just walk away and not cair about your day or feeling well than in my book she never did cair and thats sad weddings are rough but not worth friend ship but onily good people like me and you would understand cus we have reached out and tryed to make it better ... i hope it works out for you and if not just focus on your big day cus in the end its about you and your groom

Awww im sorry this completely sucks.. Unfortunately some friendships fade just like that. its sad. ive had friendships like that, especially during this wedding planning, ive lost a few friendships. i would mail the invite to her old address and maybe post office will forward to her new address if she put in a request. take the chance.

youve done everything possible to reach out, its not you, she might be going through something or she just is upset about not being a BM. i would send the invite and let it go. as we get older we realize who our true friends are and it takes events like weddings to discover that.