"You Ain't Nobody 'til You Got Somebody"

Truly one of my biggest pet peeves is when people say things like "you complete me" or "you're my whole world." I feel like this is in the same category (although I do love this song.) I, on my own, am complete and whole. I was a person for 25 years before I met my FW. I wouldn't be any less complete if I was single. It was extremely important to me that whoever I married didn't look to me to make them feel fulfilled in life, because that's something that you should do on your own. I'm glad that my FW has a similar mindset, because I can't imagine having the pressure of being someone's "entire world." I think it's important to find someone who compliments you, not completes you.

1. Do you agree with the phrase? Why or why not?

I don't agree with it. I think we all need to be individuals outside of a relationship - romantic or not!

2. Do you think marriage perpetuates the phrase? Why or why not?

I don't think so. I think marriage is a celebration of two individuals who love each other. I don't think it necessarily takes away that individuality.

3. To what extent do you look to your spouse to bring significance and meaning to your life?

I look to my FH to bring significance to my life for sure! He's my best friend. However, I strive to continue to do activities that I enjoy on my own and keep up my own friendships and relationships outside of ours!

I get both the sentiment and how it can be misconstrued.

I am my own person, but I wasn't my true self until I had my FH in my life. He really has made everything better.

We're both whole people, fully capable of functioning on our own-- but things are so much more fun when we're together. A shoulder to cry on, someone to make the other smile and laugh and feel like little kids again. I think everyone needs someone like that in their life no matter what, whether it's romantic or platonic. It's that whole "You're My Person" thing from Grey's Anatomy.

He's my Person

I know a lot of songs and really cute quotes talk about how "they complete me".
But you're also your own person and if you were single, your life should also be happy your spouse just adds to that joy of your life that ideally you should have within yourself.

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I really appreciate this perspective, you really helped me to be reflective. I'm definitely guilty of saying that my husband is my better half but what I really mean is that we compliment each other.

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Thank you for answering all three questions!

I don't agree with the phrase either, however, I have heard soooooo many variations of it throughout the course of my life. Have you heard any other variations of the phrase?

I think that marriage is meant to celebrate two individuals becoming one BUT so many people use it to "have a leg up" on single people. Have you ever heard of married women talk about themselves like their better than single women?

I agree that my husband brings significance to my life just like anyone else I love and cherish i.e. my best friend, my siblings, my parents, etc.

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I agree that everybody needs someone special in their corner.

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Well said.

I fundamentally disagree that we were voids before we started dating. At the same time, we opened each other up to seeing things a new way - just at a point in each other's lives when we were looking for it. So, I think of myself as a new person built in the foundations of the old one. Our first dance had a similar theme, but in a different way:

First Dance: First Day of My Life - Bright Eyes

You are your own person prior to marriage. I get the reference of the phrase and a simple expression can be complex at the same time. Your spouse brings significance to your life; meaningful interactions with others do, too, however, you choose to spend your life with your spouse and there will likely be even more meaningful moments with your spouse than any other individual. FH and I will still be our own person once we're married and our marriage will be a celebration of two individuals who love each other and want to spend our lives together by choice. We complement and bring out the best in each other. He reminds me to relax and take some time for me to treat myself!

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Ugh I love this song SO much

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Thanks! I wanted "Not with haste" by Mumford and Sons, but my husband really wanted this one and it fit both of us rather perfectly.

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I completely agree! I enjoy when couples include something along the lines of " I promise to love myself as much as I love you and to never expect you to complete me" in their vows.

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I also feel that I became a new person once I met my husband (I was 21 and just grew up as well).

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This is very well stated. Thank you for sharing.

I sooo don't agree with that. Everybody's a somebody. Sure I like being a couple but single life was good too. One person does not determine my worth. They are not my whole world. It would be unhealthy if they were. We give each other support, intimacy, love, respect, understanding.

View Quoted Comment I agree that everybody is a somebody. Unfortunately society puts so much emphasis on being in relationships that nobody wants to take the time to love themselves first.

View Quoted Comment Yup. I don't think it was only each other that make that new beginning though. We were both rebooting our lives - we were also there for each other just at the right time to support each other.
I was in a toxic situation: living and career. So I was forcing myself to try new things, I quit my job for grad school. He helped me get from point A to point B after I decided to start making the journey.
That was the same for both of us.

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I completely understand.