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Savvy February 2020

Yikes! mil drama

Zaira, on September 7, 2019 at 3:15 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 1 13

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Ok ladies, so I need some advice. I love my MIL and all, but now that the wedding planning has begun, she ALWAYS seems to have a suggestion for every little single thing. I don't mind her making suggestions, but what I do mind is her always making a face or looking like I hurt her when I kindly say NO to her ideas. Ex: my FH and I dont really want to spend hundreds of dollars on a cake, so she brought up the convo about having a cake with stairwells connecting to other cakes and a water fountain in the middle w/ the bride & groom. 1. That is totally not my style, and 2.that is old school 😑 Ok, so when I told her that all we wanted was to purchase a small 2 tier cake, just for the pictures and buy sheet cakes from costco for the guests, she completely changed her vibe. She went on about how that wasn't the way it was supposed to be and how it wasn't going to look good and so forth. As if she was demeaning our choice. She then shut down and said, "well whatever, your choice." Her face expression went from excited to upset. I am very nice and I feel that everytime I or my FH stand up for what we want, she gets hurt. I dont know how to continue handling it anymore? I am just trying to stay away from her as much as possible, but I know I cant avoid her for the remaining of the time. Any suggestions?

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Alisha, on September 7, 2019 at 5:57 PM

Dedicated October 2021
Jillian · on September 7, 2019 at 5:40 AM
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My only suggestion would be to tell her that you value her opinions but that isn't what you want. This is your guys wedding and she needs to be happy for you. Unless she's going to buy this extravagant cake then she should respect what you both want and take a step back because she already had her wedding and your tastes in planning weddings are very different. Just give her love. You don't want an altercation with your mil my first mil barely ever talked to me and I was married to her son for 10 years.
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Super September 2020
Jennifer · on September 7, 2019 at 6:06 AM
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She wants to be helpful, I think. Is there something she can help with that you can let her feel vindicated for a "good idea?"

Flowers, centerpieces, something that you can fake? I try to include some important people in decisions by giving options and asking for their vote. I give options that I already like all of so that there's no wrong answer 😂. That way when I do have to shut down an idea, they're okay with it because they already feel a part of things.
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VIP September 2019
Mrs. Bubba · on September 7, 2019 at 6:37 AM
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What’s wrong with your choice for how you want the 🍰served?

It will save 💵 at the end of the day.

Congratulations and 🍀‼️
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VIP May 2015
KiwiDerbyBride · on September 7, 2019 at 6:39 AM
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Don't say yes or no to her - say "that's an interesting idea - we'll consider that." Then change the subject. When she asks what you've decided, say "oh, we're not telling anyone - we want it to be a surprise!". Think of it this way - if she's like this about cake, what's she going to be like if/when you have a baby? Figure out some ways to say thanks but no thanks in the nicest way you can.
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Super September 2020
Naikesha · on September 7, 2019 at 6:46 AM
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Wow talk about a 90's cake it's actually very funny she's holding on to that memory but i understand how it can be frustrating.
Since it seems like you value your moms opinion I would have a sit down with her over lunch and be honest with her that you value her opinion and she's always been your go to person but you are getting married now and starting a new beginning and you and your FH really want to have your own vision of your special day. And then to smooth out the situation kinda give her something to own. For example we do have a special request we would love for you to help organize the rehearsal dinner or help with the seating chart (something).
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Dedicated October 2020
Lisa · on September 7, 2019 at 7:32 AM
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Her cake suggestion made me crack up! Has she not been to a wedding in the last 30 years?

I feel for you when she said "well whatever, its its your choice." I've been getting plenty of those lately and annoy me to no end.
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VIP September 2020
Kelsey · on September 7, 2019 at 7:43 AM
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She sounds like my mom. Whenever we make a decision she doesn't like she gets upset. Or gives me the silent treatment. Honestly I'm so sick of it. They are helping us pay for the venue and catering so that is the only thing I talk to her about now. Everything else I just don't talk to her about. It seems to help a bit
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VIP November 2021
· on September 7, 2019 at 11:30 AM
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Breathe. It’s hard. But you need to be bold and set it straight bc it is YOUR Wedding and she needs to respect that. Maybe give her a job to make her feel “needed and important” like my MIL is straight up out of the movie “monster in law” but I figured this out and it’s been working - I’ll tell her to look up different types flowers that fit our color scheme and write lists of those and just busy things like that - you don’t need to even use them it’s just to make her back off but not hurt her feelings
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Savvy February 2020
Zaira · on September 7, 2019 at 4:14 PM
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Thanks!! My Fh and I have been together for 11 years already, and after kids and all, I'd figure she would change and be more understanding but i guess shes too excited about the whole wedding thing.
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Savvy February 2020
Zaira · on September 7, 2019 at 4:15 PM
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OMG! That sounds like a great idea. I didnt really think about giving options that I already liked lol thanks!
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Savvy February 2020
Zaira · on September 7, 2019 at 4:20 PM
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Right?! That's what I said. Besides, we're the ones that are paying for the cake and we are trying to save money and put it towards other more expensive things. Thank you! 🤗
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Super September 2020
Jennifer · on September 7, 2019 at 4:25 PM
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Lol, you almost have to when you know that you and the other person(s) do not have similar taste, similar interests, etc. Then they get to win no matter what and losing won't feel like being shot down every single time. Just from her perspective, that might be all it is. That could make her feel like you don't like "her" in general which makes people act strange.
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VIP April 2021
Alisha · on September 7, 2019 at 5:57 PM
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I would suggest to her that you and fh have discussed what type of wedding you would like and you would consider some of ideas not all of them. Let her know that you are not trying to hurt her feelings. You can include her some things and let her help you when you need it. Maybe when the time comes and you and your future husband is unsure about making a decision or need help maybe you can ask her what does she thinks and consider her opinion.
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