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Keri
Expert November 2019

Writing thank you for bounced check

Keri, on December 8, 2019 at 5:25 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14
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Hi everyone,

My husband and I have cashed checks from the wedding and are working our way through writing thank you cards. Our wedding was November 1st. We found one check had bounced when we were charged a fee a week ago. I have zero intention of contacting my cousin to say that it bounced. Will her bank notify her? Do I just write a thank you and pretend it never happened? Does that come across as passive aggressive if her bank notified her? Do I just write thank you for attending? I don't care about the money. I'm thrilled she and her husband came across state to celebrate our day. We aren't super close and only see other 2-3 times a year. Any etiquette advice is appreciated.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Simone, on December 9, 2019 at 11:24 PM
  • Diana
    VIP December 2019
    Diana ·
    • Flag
    I personally wouldn’t say anything, but that’s just me. Unless they said something 1st. Plus I don’t know their personal finances. I would just be thankful for them coming and send a thank you for them coming.
    • Reply
  • Keri
    Expert November 2019
    Keri ·
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    Hi Diana, thanks for responding. Like I mentioned, I definitely would not mention the bounced check. Jist wasn't sure what to write in the thank you. I think sending a thank you for traveling and coming to the wedding is a good idea too.
    • Reply
  • Kristyn
    Devoted July 2020
    Kristyn ·
    • Flag
    I work for a bank and I dont believe they get notified for a bounced check on their end unfortunately it's only really realized on your end but all bank systems are different so I'm not positive. I would just write a thank you for their attendance and the fact that they traveled maybe add that it was great you were able to enjoy their company especially if the money is not a big deal for you they may not have even realized it bounced
    • Reply
  • Diana
    VIP December 2019
    Diana ·
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    I would just write her a thank you for coming and leave it at that.
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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
    • Flag
    Just senf a thx for coming card.
    • Reply
  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
    • Flag

    A thank you for coming card could be seen as passive aggressive, so I wouldn't say or mention anything, unfortunately!

    • Reply
  • Keri
    Expert November 2019
    Keri ·
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    I totally agree. However, if they don't know the check bounced, wouldn't we come off across as rude and ungrateful?
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  • Kari
    VIP May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    I'd probably want to know if my check bounced, so I'm going to go against the grain and say I don't think it's rude to tell them. I would make it separate from the Thank You card though. You should definitely send them a note thanking them for coming to your wedding and traveling and mention how good it was to see them and how getting to celebrate with them made your day even more special. I'd then follow up with a text or email saying "FYI, just wanted you to know the check you sent bounced - it doesn't bother us but just wanted you to know so you can check your account and make sure there's no fraud or anything" or something of that nature. I think if you frame it as being concerned for them and not as caring about the money at all, you can do it in a way that is thoughtful and doesn't come off as being greedy.

    It is a tricky subject though, so if you prefer not to mention the check bouncing at all, I think that is definitely in the realm of what is socially acceptable too.

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  • Cher Horowitz
    Master December 2019
    Cher Horowitz ·
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    You make a great point. I think you're right and should probably notify them about their check bouncing!

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  • Catherine
    VIP November 2019
    Catherine ·
    • Flag

    I wouldn't say anything. even if her bank doesn't notify her outright she will find out eventually. i would write her a thank you just as you would anyone else Smiley smile i wouldn't make it a big thing. if she contacts you about it just play it cool lol

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  • R
    Super September 2018
    Rachel ·
    • Flag
    We received a bounced check from a close friend. We were split about bringing it up with them, but also didn’t want to write a ‘thank you for coming’ card because that’s quite awkward as well. Then they actually asked us at one point if we got their card, so that’s when we said yes, thank you, but I’m sorry to say the check bounced. They were mortified and Venmoed us immediately. Then we wrote a thank you card.
    • Reply
  • Keri
    Expert November 2019
    Keri ·
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    We aren't super close. I don't want to embarrass them. I think I'll just write a thank you card as if it didn't happen.

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  • Devin
    Super October 2019
    Devin ·
    • Flag
    I haven’t heard of a bank not notifying you when a check from your acct bounces because you get charge a nsf charge, so I’m thinking they know.
    • Reply
  • Simone
    Just Said Yes August 2020
    Simone ·
    • Flag

    I’m sure they know- in the days of everything online, I’d be shocked if they didn’t see an email come through for NSF or just saw it on their bank acct statement. I’d just write a sweet thank you card as if nothing happened.

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