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Expert November 2019

Writing thank you for bounced check

Keri, on December 8, 2019 at 5:25 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

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Hi everyone,

My husband and I have cashed checks from the wedding and are working our way through writing thank you cards. Our wedding was November 1st. We found one check had bounced when we were charged a fee a week ago. I have zero intention of contacting my cousin to say that it bounced. Will her bank notify her? Do I just write a thank you and pretend it never happened? Does that come across as passive aggressive if her bank notified her? Do I just write thank you for attending? I don't care about the money. I'm thrilled she and her husband came across state to celebrate our day. We aren't super close and only see other 2-3 times a year. Any etiquette advice is appreciated.

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Simone, on December 9, 2019 at 11:24 PM

VIP December 2019
Diana · on December 8, 2019 at 5:32 PM
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I personally wouldn’t say anything, but that’s just me. Unless they said something 1st. Plus I don’t know their personal finances. I would just be thankful for them coming and send a thank you for them coming.
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Expert November 2019
Keri · on December 8, 2019 at 5:35 PM
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Hi Diana, thanks for responding. Like I mentioned, I definitely would not mention the bounced check. Jist wasn't sure what to write in the thank you. I think sending a thank you for traveling and coming to the wedding is a good idea too.
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Devoted July 2020
Kristyn · on December 8, 2019 at 5:37 PM
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I work for a bank and I dont believe they get notified for a bounced check on their end unfortunately it's only really realized on your end but all bank systems are different so I'm not positive. I would just write a thank you for their attendance and the fact that they traveled maybe add that it was great you were able to enjoy their company especially if the money is not a big deal for you they may not have even realized it bounced
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VIP December 2019
Diana · on December 8, 2019 at 5:41 PM
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I would just write her a thank you for coming and leave it at that.
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Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on December 8, 2019 at 6:55 PM
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Just senf a thx for coming card.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on December 8, 2019 at 10:05 PM
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A thank you for coming card could be seen as passive aggressive, so I wouldn't say or mention anything, unfortunately!
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Expert November 2019
Keri · on December 8, 2019 at 10:24 PM
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I totally agree. However, if they don't know the check bounced, wouldn't we come off across as rude and ungrateful?
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Master May 2020
Kari · on December 9, 2019 at 10:45 AM
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I'd probably want to know if my check bounced, so I'm going to go against the grain and say I don't think it's rude to tell them. I would make it separate from the Thank You card though. You should definitely send them a note thanking them for coming to your wedding and traveling and mention how good it was to see them and how getting to celebrate with them made your day even more special. I'd then follow up with a text or email saying "FYI, just wanted you to know the check you sent bounced - it doesn't bother us but just wanted you to know so you can check your account and make sure there's no fraud or anything" or something of that nature. I think if you frame it as being concerned for them and not as caring about the money at all, you can do it in a way that is thoughtful and doesn't come off as being greedy.

It is a tricky subject though, so if you prefer not to mention the check bouncing at all, I think that is definitely in the realm of what is socially acceptable too.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on December 9, 2019 at 10:53 AM
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You make a great point. I think you're right and should probably notify them about their check bouncing!
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VIP November 2019
Catherine · on December 9, 2019 at 11:05 AM
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I wouldn't say anything. even if her bank doesn't notify her outright she will find out eventually. i would write her a thank you just as you would anyone else i wouldn't make it a big thing. if she contacts you about it just play it cool lol
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Super September 2018
Rachel · on December 9, 2019 at 1:51 PM
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We received a bounced check from a close friend. We were split about bringing it up with them, but also didn’t want to write a ‘thank you for coming’ card because that’s quite awkward as well. Then they actually asked us at one point if we got their card, so that’s when we said yes, thank you, but I’m sorry to say the check bounced. They were mortified and Venmoed us immediately. Then we wrote a thank you card.
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Expert November 2019
Keri · on December 9, 2019 at 2:38 PM
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We aren't super close. I don't want to embarrass them. I think I'll just write a thank you card as if it didn't happen.
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Super October 2019
Devin · on December 9, 2019 at 9:36 PM
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I haven’t heard of a bank not notifying you when a check from your acct bounces because you get charge a nsf charge, so I’m thinking they know.
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Just Said Yes August 2020
Simone · on December 9, 2019 at 11:24 PM
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I’m sure they know- in the days of everything online, I’d be shocked if they didn’t see an email come through for NSF or just saw it on their bank acct statement. I’d just write a sweet thank you card as if nothing happened.
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