Writing Own Ceremony Script?

Are vendors allowed to comment on this? @Celia would be my go to for any ceremony related questions. (I am not religious either but) an officiant you hire would/should take the time to get to know you and your FH - even if it's just one or two consultations, and be able to write you a beautiful ceremony that is catered to you two.

FH and I aren't having a religious wedding either. I'm also a writer. With that said, I considered writing my own ceremony but decided against it after reading some samples from different officiants. It's one more hassle that I didn't want to deal with. I would put (paging Celia) in your title so she can see your post and comment. Also, I recommend posting what you have written so far. We can't suggest what you should add, or any type of editing advice, without knowing what you've already written.

You should hire a pro

Miranda, you are far better off hiring a professional wedding officiant to write and perform your secular ceremony. They can help with what you have already written and offer some great insights. Best wishes!

There are some great articles on non religious ceremonies on offbeatbride.com

Please have a pro do it. I've heard the order needs to be a certain way and you have to have specific phrasing for it to be valid.

Of course I think you should have a pro, for a lot of reasons, not the least of which is that the very few ceremonies people send me and say, "We have ours written already" are awful. They are stilted, awkward and have no flow. They might be legal, but they suck. Sorry.

But then I feel that way about many pros too. So maybe I should edit my comment to say, "Hire a great pro and pay whatever they ask for if you love their work." This is one of those areas of the wedding day that the difference between someone mediocre and someone fabulous is usually a couple of hundred bucks. I know it's not an insignificant amount, but it's probably worth bagging the favors or the cute signs or the imprinted cocktail napkins, which no one cares about anyway.

Here's the thing. The ceremony is the first thing; it opens the day. Your guests presumably love you and they are excited. You've tried to put together the best wedding scenario that you can both imagine and afford. They got a lovely invitation, got all dressed up, they know there is a great evening with friends, family, food and wine ahead, and THEN you're going to spring a crappy ceremony on them? It's almost insulting. It's like a verbal cash bar....

Great, inspiring, emotionally touching, exciting ceremonies do not start, I promise you, with, "Welcome to the wedding of Joe and Sally (or Joe and Joe or Sally and Sally, lol). We come here today to witness the joining of blah blah blah, more boring shit, vows, rings,"...and thank god it's over. Twenty minutes they'll never get back.

Memorable weddings have a beautiful arc of prose, inspired writing (which is designed to be listened to, not read; a very, very big distinction), unique elements (as opposed to weird ones), and they include the minimal parts that need to be included, which varies from state to state. ( In NJ, there really is no template for required elements but I always include a statement of intent, vows, a pronouncement and a dunk tank. Just kidding. )

In theory, you have never written a ceremony before. I've never written a legal brief of a tech manual on how to use a toaster. That's why I don't write them for a living. I write weddings, and at this point, have probably written about 1500, give or take a few. Yes, there are similar elements, but they are elements and literary parts that I've invented and frankly, I think our ceremonies (I have four officiants) are better than anything I've ever seen online. Because we have not copied other people; we've created these things and judging by the reviews, the public seems to love what we do. The personal story parts are all different, and the tone is designed, with the couple, to reflect the couple.

You're not going to get that kind of end result finding stuff online, and then presumably handing the pages to someone who hasn't done any or many weddings before (is that right? Sorry for the assumption....) The delivery is as key as the content.

This is the 20 minutes that will set the tone of the day; it's either going to inspire tears and laughter (and of course, a license) or a room full of people waiting for the sound of popping corks. Why would you want to start that way? It's almost like throwing away everything else you've put so much time, emotion and money into. Because your guests start out bored and grumpy.

A pro officiant (a great one) is also going to solve so many other problems for you; they can put your processional together, solve etiquette problems, navigate blended/divorced/remarried families, source readings and music, advise you on how to get your license and what to do when you get it back (and how to fix it if it gets screwed up...), find or create ritual elements that are appropriate for you (this is how we now have glass sharings, tequila toasts and chocolate rituals....). And they'll talk you in off the ledge when your venue, your family or your BP is making you crazy. They will be a calming influence on the day, you'll know that the ceremony is fabulous and legal and your in good hands. No one is going to be saying rude or inappropriate stuff in the middle of your ceremony and they won't be rambling aimlessly about your story. They'll find readings for your readers, handfasting cords for your handfastings, write memorial moments for your loved ones, blessings for your dog. When someone faints (which happens more than you think) or drops the rings or backs up into the floating candles lining the aisle, they won't freak out.

And respectfully? You can't do that. You can google from now until your rehearsal dinner and you still won't get that accomplished.

Think of a great pro as a gift to yourselves and your guests, (kinda like wedding insurance but a little more glamorous....) because it really is, and in many cases it's a surprise to them; )this is why that shitty little program template called, "So you have to sit through a wedding" pisses me off every time I see it. Because you don't have to 'sit through a wedding' ) But it's on you to let go of the idea that the ceremony should be the free-est, cheapest, least important part of the day.

More than you asked, I know, but it's important.